A second date is an entirely different thing than a first date. For the most part, a first date just sets the tone for later interactions, and gives the girl an idea of who you are.
Sometimes first dates go well enough for a strong bond to form, but, generally, your concern should be nailing that second date. Why? Because the second date is where a lot of the real connection is made.
A lot of guys make the mistake of thinking that if they survived the first date, the second date should be a piece of cake. It may feel that way, but the truth is that girls are constantly testing guys.
Just because you made it past the initial interaction and got her to meet you for drinks, doesn’t mean you can’t severely mess things up on the second date.
The second hangout really solidifies what your relationship will be like.
Everything from the place you go, to the way you behave is just as important on second dates as it is on first dates.
Your job is to continue building comfort so that the girl feels like she’s choosing you, and not the other way around.
It isn’t rocket science. Like most parts of game, a successful second date has just as much to do with what you don’t do as it has to do with what you should do.
Have A Plan: Good Second Date Ideas
You should probably already know this, but if you don’t here’s a refresher. Game is a linear process.
You go from meeting, to cultivating intimacy, to either sleeping together or having a relationship. It’s the same almost every time.
The last thing you want is to feel like you’re going backwards. When you’re planning a second date, things should escalate in one way or another.
The idea is for both of you to begin to feel more comfortable around each other.
There are really four main criteria that should go into every second date, and here they are:
- They should be a step forward in intimacy
- You should reveal more about your personality
- You should feel like she is opening up too
- There should be a growing physical attraction
If you go on a second date, and it feels like you’re becoming more distant, you’re doing something wrong. It should be a progression toward closeness or strong physical attraction. Look out for the signs.
Is she smiling? Is she revealing things about herself that are private, deep, or emotional?
As crazy as it sounds, a second date should make you feel like you’re getting to know each other, but also developing a strong need to hook up.
Keeping It Low Key: Casual Date Ideas
A good second date shouldn’t be too serious, but also shouldn’t be so formal that it feels like a business lunch.
An activity is always a good choice, but you don’t want it to be so distracting that you can’t continue to talk.
Movie dates are generally not a good idea.
Unless the theatre is totally empty and you feel like you can talk during the movie, you won’t be doing much to connect because you’ll be sitting in silence the whole time.
Believe it or not, museums make great date spots. They’re usually quiet, and you can wander along with each other at your own pace.
You can comment on the art, joke, laugh, and cover some of those deeper topics.
When planning a second date, your goal should be making it fun, while also ensuring that there’s ample time to continue building comfort.
It’s common sense, really. A girl isn’t going to date you, let alone sleep with you, until she’s comfortable with you as a person.
Focusing too much on the date itself, and not creating an environment where you can connect is a recipe for disaster.
Think of it this way; a picnic is better than a trip to a bowling alley. Keep the focus on each other and you’ll have no problem strengthening that connection.
Second Dates And Third Dates: When To Cut The Cord
On a second date, things should move from just getting to know another to some type of physical interaction.
Whether it be making out or sex, you should be doing more than just chatting the second time you hang out.
Physical intimacy isn’t a transactional thing, but is more of a way to know that she’s really attracted to you and isn’t just stringing you along.
We live in a society where the onus tends to be on the man to plan and pay for dates, and there are some girls out there who take advantage of this fact.
She should want you by the second date; if she doesn’t you’re doing something wrong, or she’s just seeing how much she can get out of you. Your absolute maximum should be three dates.
In real life, people either want to hook up or they don’t. Waiting four, five or even six dates before a girl even kisses you just isn’t realistic.
As a general rule of thumb, you should avoid being too extravagant until there’s some kind of physical connection.
Remember, attraction moves forward and women need sex too.
If she’s denying you, it’s very possible that she’s hooking up with another guy, while letting you spend your whole paycheck every time you hang out.
Dating Sites and Second Dates
Seeing as how we live in the digital age, you should be aware of the pitfalls of going out with a girl you meet on a dating site.
Just because you’re using a dating app, doesn’t mean things are any less linear.
What does this have to do with second dates? Well, a lot of the time a girl may go out with you after you chat on an app like Tinder, but she won’t give you her number.
This is totally fine, but your goal by the second date should be to get her phone number.
It’s a form of escalation. If a girl isn’t comfortable enough with you by the second date to give you her actual phone number, she might be stringing you along.
She may give you any number of reasons for not giving you her number, but here are some of the most common:
- She claims that she doesn’t give out her number
- She prefers to just talk on Tinder
- She’s not ready
- She suggests another form of communication
If you go on two dates with a girl, and she wants to hang out again, but doesn’t want to give you her number, there’s a good chance there’s something fishy going on.
Think of it this way. You could walk into a bar and leave with a girl’s number. Just because you met on the internet, doesn’t make the situation any different.
Consider getting a phone number a small form of escalation.
A girl who is reluctant to give you her phone number, is delaying a connection for some reason. Rather than try to figure out why, it’s usually best to just move on and find a new girl.
The Third Date And Beyond
By the third date, you should have some idea of what role a girl is going to play in your life.
You should know if she’s going to be around for a long time, or if it’s better for you to just call it quits and meet someone new.
Don’t be attached to a specific outcome, but be sure that you’re getting closer to her, rather than further apart.
You don’t necessarily have to consider sex the ultimate sign that things are going well, but if you make out on the second date, and then barely touch on the third, something is wrong.
Be smart, be observant, and treat each date like a stop on the journey of getting to know a chick. If you’re aware of the linear nature of attraction, you’ll always know where you stand.