Learning how to game and being successful at it, starts with being able to answer the following question: what is self esteem?
You have to know how to manifest a strong sense of self respect, and cultivate your self image before you can even think about approaching a girl the right way.
There is so much more to it than coming up with the right opener, or having the right body language. These things can’t be faked, and women will know if you aren’t working with a healthy sense of self worth when you come over and talk to them.
Call it what you will—inner-game, mindset, cockiness—but regardless, the way you view yourself will have a very serious impact on your interactions with women.
How To Improve Self-Confidence
Building self-esteem is part external and part internal. There are things you can do to make yourself feel more confident that involve working on your appearance.
For starters, you should be hitting the gym at least three times a week. It’ll make you look better, appear more attractive and will release endorphins to make you feel good.
Shoot for a Friday afternoon workout right before a night of gaming. It’ll put you in the right mood, and make you feel unstoppable when you make your first approach.
It’s physical, yes, and the changes you’ll start to see in yourself will have an effect on your attitude, but it’s also chemical. Your brain likes exercise, and when your brain is happy, you’ll feel better about yourself.
Focus On The Internal Too
When it comes to how to build self-confidence, it isn’t just about the external. A lot of the time it comes from the inside.
You have to work on your mind, specifically the way you view yourself. Your perceived self-image is key when it comes to building confidence.
Everyone is different and everyone has flaws, but confident people don’t let any of it affect them. A negative self-concept can only be changed through altering your thinking patterns.
Here are some common negative thoughts that inhibit guys from being successful with women:
- I’m not attractive
- I’m socially awkward
- Approaching women is not something I’ll ever be good at
- She’s not going to like me
In essence, these are all just bullshit reasons not to approach, but when you get into a habit of letting them affect your behavior, they can be a serious detriment to your game. It may take a month or two to change the way you think, but that’s where it starts. Change your attitude and the women will follow.
Meditation: The Key To Building Self-Confidence
Look, I get it. Sitting in your room meditating isn’t as fun as going out, having a few drinks and trying to get laid, but it’s equally as important.
Meditating can help you change the way you think about pretty much any situation. If you’re the kind of guy that’s suffering from low confidence when he talks to women, you can literally think your way out of it by doing some positive thinking exercises.
Affirmations, visualizations and even just learning how to be more in the moment can help you when you’re talking to women.
Being able to slow things down and appear calm and relaxed when you’re talking to a woman makes her feel like you’ve done this sort of thing before, which is a huge turn on.
Plus, knowing that you have the power to develop self-confidence simply by thinking differently, is a pretty cool thing all on its own.
Start small. Aim for twenty minutes a day, and think of one goal you want to focus on for each meditation session Maybe it’s your approach. Maybe it’s something further along in the interaction you want to meditate on. Here are a few good things to visualize to get you started:
- See yourself approaching
- See yourself being wanted by women
- Imagine your idea of success
- See yourself as calm, rational, and as a guy who goes with the flow.
It doesn’t totally matter what you visualize. Just take it slow, and change your thinking patterns over time.
Let Go Of The Past: How To Develop A Positive Self Image
Let’s say you were engaged. You thought this girl was the one for you, and that you’d never be single again. Next thing you know, she cheats on you.
You’re probably devastated and your self worth is at an all time low. It’s a normal feeling, that just about anyone would have.
Eventually, you finally make the decision to get back out there. At first, it feels like everything’s going to be okay, but then your old insecurities start to creep up and you start thinking about what she did to you.
It makes you shy, insecure and hurts your interactions with new girls that are probably willing to jump your bones if you can just be cool for a couple of dates.
If this is the case, it’s time to let go of the past. Everyone has had their heart broken, or been made to feel worthless about something, but letting those past moments of pain cloud the present is only going to make things worse.
Building confidence is borderline impossible for someone who is clinging to past experiences that made them feel inadequate or bad about themselves.
Letting go of the past might even be the most important part of the process. Focus on the present and you’ll find that you become more comfortable in your own skin without even realizing it.
Stop Caring: The Paradox Of How To Develop Self Confidence
One of the biggest reasons people struggle with self-confidence is because they care too much. They’re too attached to the outcomes of every situation in their lives.
But if you can just stop caring in a way that is positive, you’ll be on the fast track to developing a more positive self-image.
When I say to stop caring, I don’t mean become apathetic. I mean start to realize that most of life’s problems, as well as the things you don’t like about yourself are really not that serious.
No one’s life is perfect, and nobody is one-hundred percent successful at picking up women. The sooner you stop worrying about the end result, and get more focused on going along for the ride, the happier you’ll be.
It’s not apathy. It’s blissful detachment. Once you can get to that place, you’ll feel better and women will start to see that you’re a pretty carefree guy who they can get along with.
You’ll be happier about who you are, and you’ll be seen as way more attractive. Sounds like a win-win to me.
Keep Seeking Improvement: Building Confidence Over A Lifetime
In game and in life, you should never rest on your laurels. If you’re single and you’ve been working on your game, keep trying to get better.
Try a new strategy or talk to a girl in place you’ve never done so before. The point is just to keep challenging yourself. Keep setting milestones to reach so you have something to look forward to.
Successes make you feel good, and give you a sense of accomplishment, but if you get complacent, it’s easy to fall into the trap of losing self-esteem.
A lot of guys start to think they aren’t worthy of success, and give up all together. Don’t be this way. If the last girl you approached was hot, your goal should be to approach one who’s even hotter the next time you go out.
Just remember that you deserve the success, and more importantly, you deserve that chick you’re after. If you can do that, you won’t be worried about building up your confidence anymore.
Confidence will just be a part of who you are.