I used to be socially awkward.
Back in the day, I was a Structural Designer for an Engineering company. My work environment didn’t really promote a lot of social interactions.
I spent my days looking at graphs, blueprints, and spreadsheets. Not to mention, I was also surrounded by other socially awkward people.
Because I lacked the experience and skill to communicate my ideas effectively, I struggled to make friends and I couldn’t get a date to save my life.
I knew things had to change except I had no idea where to start.
Looking back now, I wished I paid more attention to this part of my life than just getting good grades at school.
As I started to look more into it, I realized that social confidence is a skill.
With enough time, effort and repetition, anyone can overcome their social awkwardness.
But just like learning a new skill, you will go through a period where everything is hard before it gets easy.
I know this from experience.
Because I didn’t know any better, my journey to figure out this part of my life had A LOT of trial and error.
Knowing what NOT to do is just as important as knowing what to do.
I hope you can learn from my experience.
Here are the five mistakes that shy guys make and how to fix them.
Mistake #1 – Having A Negative Mindset
I used to be really hard on myself.
My self-dialogue was so bad that I would beat myself up whenever I made a mistake.
I’d tell myself things like:
- “You’re such an idiot.”
- “You messed it up again.”
- “Why do you always make a fool out of yourself.”
Can you relate to this?
If so, I want you to pay close attention because this is really important.
Your mind doesn’t know the difference between perception and reality. Your thoughts affect your outcome.
It doesn’t matter how hard you try, you will sabotage your result if your head is not in the right space.
That’s why improving your social confidence begins with your mindset.
What helped me change my self-image for the better was to have a daily practice of meditation and visualization.
You get exactly what you focus on so condition your mind to see what you want over and over again.
Mistake #2 – Obsessing Over Strategies
Everyone’s so different.
We all have various life experiences that make us unique.
That’s why you can’t just copy other people’s success. What worked for them may not necessarily work for you.
If you just blindly use other people’s strategies, you’ll come across disingenuous and inauthentic.
Overcoming your social awkwardness comes down to a basic understanding of how people interact.
That’s why the best thing you can do is to learn the principle behind why something works so you can make it your own.
Mistake #3 – Comparing Yourself To Others
Have you ever felt like you’re not good enough?
If you have, I can relate to you. This is definitely a feeling that I’m very familiar with.
One of the quickest ways to feel inadequate is to compare yourself to other people.
It doesn’t matter how good you are at something, there will always be someone better than you.
Avoid comparing yourself to other people at all cost.
Mind your own business and focus on what you’re doing. As long as you’re making progress, that’s all that matters.
The only person you should be comparing yourself to is who you were the day before.
Mistake #4 – Focusing On The Outcome
Everything worthwhile takes time. You might as well enjoy the journey.
If you’re shy, the best thing you can do is to gain as much social experience as possible.
Approach new people, make conversation with them, notice the results and adjust accordingly.
Do this enough times and you will eventually transform yourself from socially awkward to socially confident.
Mistake #5 – Not Asking For Help
Time is your most valuable asset because you can’t make more of it.
You and I are given the same 24 hours in a day. Don’t waste it by trying to figure things out on your own.
I hired my first mentor back in 2008 and that decision totally changed my life.
Since then, a few amazing things have happened:
- I’ve been able to put myself out there with more confidence.
- I’ve been able to date women that I previously thought were out of my league.
- I’ve been able to build a network of individuals who are doing inspiring things.
Looking back now, my only regret is that I should’ve asked for help sooner.
If you want to fast-track your social success, just find someone who has what you want and just get them to show you how.
As the saying goes, “A smart man learns from his mistakes. A wise one learns from the mistakes of others.”