Getting good at game doesn’t start with a good opener, or reading the right book, or even reading the right article. It starts from the inside out.
Outward displays of confidence are half the battle and will get you some results, but there’s still more to it.
The way guys get really good at game, is by developing inner-confidence, the kind of self-belief that is totally and completely unmatched.
It’s easy to fake confidence, or to plan ways to seem like you’re more confident than you really are, but when it comes down to it, actually believing your own story about how great you are, is the key to success in game.
Picking up women is your one opportunity in life to embrace being cocky and see it as a positive.
Being cocky or over-confident at work might hurt you, but at a bar, self-assurance goes a long way.
In every other part of life, we’re told to be humble and to never come off as arrogant or full of ourselves, but in game, these things, if you apply them the right way, will only help your case.
Real confidence is a lot more subtle than fake confidence, and girls always know the difference.
For example, a guy who brags about his accomplishments isn’t as confident as a guy with the same accomplishments who doesn’t even bother mentioning them.
Letting go of the need to impress a girl that you’re talking to is the hallmark of confidence.
It’s not that you pretend not to care, by intentionally being an asshole; it’s that you genuinely don’t seek her approval.
You don’t edit yourself and don’t make your entire night about her.
These are the kinds of confidence markers that separate the naturals from the guys who struggle for years before getting what they want out of game.
Inner-game or self-belief is something that a guy can develop over time, but only if he wants to make it happen.
A lot of guys say that tomorrow they’re going to start getting serious about game, and that they believe in themselves enough to do it.
But then tomorrow comes, and they find themselves hindered by the same insecurities they had the day before.
Maybe they’re on the shorter side, or maybe they’re worried about having acne, or their parents were unsupportive of them growing up.
Whatever the case may be, everyone has something that they are self-conscious about, but guys who really want to excel in game know how to get past this stuff and realize that it’s not that serious.
Every guy who takes the step to go out and start working on game should come from the mindset that he’s not only good enough, but he’s almost too good for the girls he’s talking to.
There’s no need to be a dick about it, but the frame should be one that implies she has to impress you just as much as you have to impress her.
It keeps thing equal, shows confidence and makes things more fun.
The biggest mistake a guy can make is thinking he’s mastered his own self-belief without actually having done so.
It takes time, meditation and teaching ourselves new thinking patterns about ourselves.
The brain is a habit-forming organ, and years of being told to behave a certain way, or being told by people in our lives that we “can’t”, will eventually teach us to think that way on our own.
It’s an unfortunate truth, but it also goes both ways.
If you got picked on in high school, and no girls ever came close to talking to you, and now in your twenties, you really believe you aren’t good with girls.
But, in the same way, you fell into those negative thinking patterns, you can form new ones.
It sounds crazy, but if you start telling yourself on a regular basis that you are a natural with women and that your pick up skills are the best in the land, soon you’ll start to believe it and it will have a positive effect on your actual game.
This is the first step in developing a sense of inner self-belief and getting rid of the old emotions that have been hurting your game.
Without actively making changes to your lifestyle and to your mental state, you may never be able to break your old thinking patterns about yourself and your abilities to attract women.
You shouldn’t be satisfied with the results you’ve been getting, especially if you still have personality issues that you’re struggling with.
Getting a hot girl interested with a really good performance of confidence will only go so far. What happens if things get serious?
Your insecurities will eventually have to come out if you still have them. Plus, game is a lot more fun when it’s organic and doesn’t feel forced.
Changing your self-belief will not only make you more successful in your approaches but will make game more fun because it will be way more natural.
Wouldn’t it be great to pick up a hot girl without feeling like the whole thing was a tightrope walk?
It’s a lot more rewarding to get a phone number or make out with a chick because you were being yourself, and not putting on a show, but the only way this will happen is by developing a strong inner-game.
Anything less, and you’ll still be forcing the illusion of confidence, and a lot of the time girls can pick up on this very quickly.
Do whatever it takes. Start doubling your gym time. Meditate every day. Do affirmations when you’re on your way to work in the morning.
There are a lot of ways you can change the way you think about yourself, but you just have to find one that works for you.
By developing your inner-game you win twice; you will see a noticeable change in your interactions with women, but more importantly, you’ll reach a higher level of existence that, until now, you didn’t even know existed.