When it comes to getting a girl attracted to you, playing hard to get is one of the most valuable tools you can employ. It creates the vibe that you are the kind of guy that has some pretty high standards.
If you can act as if a girl has to win you over, and also know when she’s doing a similar move on you, it’ll keep you one step ahead. Sometimes, a girl will play hard to get just to see how persistent you are.
This is especially true because we live in a landscape of so many boring, lame or creepy guys that don’t know what they’re doing.
If you can set yourself apart, you’ll be in a very good position when it comes to dating.
In their minds, it makes things feel more natural.
A guy that lays his cards on the table too quickly, appears to have less value. It shows that he doesn’t really have a frame of reference, and thus, makes the girl feel less special.
A girl who gets a guy who she deems as having value, feels like she has increased her value as well. When you’re playing hard to get, you want to convey the following qualities:
These subtle cues make a girl see that you aren’t like every other desperate guy out there. They show her that you’re essentially waiting for her to prove why she’s worth your time.
Don’t feel like you’re being arrogant, either. Girls do this all the time. Think about how many guys are sending messages to an attractive girl on their Instagram, and how many then get shut down.
Girls make us work to earn their attraction—this shouldn’t come as a surprise—but there’s no reason that they shouldn’t carry some of the slack when it comes to dating.
One thing all guys should stop doing is idealizing relationships. Some of the healthiest relationships are the ones in which two people could easily sleep with other people, but actively choose not to.
Playing hard to get, or preserving your value in a relationship is essential to keeping the spark alive. There is nothing more attractive than someone who other people want.
No one is saying to cheat. In fact, that’s usually the worst idea if you want to be in a healthy relationship.
However, preserving your identity, and making each other work to preserve the passion, is definitely smart.
This could involve anything from designating time with friends, going on dates with your girlfriend or boyfriend or just maintaining the mentality that you don’t need each other but, instead, want each other.
You should always come from a place of confidence, and non-dependence.
The best relationships are the ones where both people see the importance of keeping the other person happy and make an effort to do so.
Let’s say you’re single, and you’re trying to project the vibe that you’re hard to get. It isn’t all that difficult, but it will go against some of your natural instincts.
A lot of guys would love to just walk up to a girl, be as forward as possible, and hope that she responds positively to what he’s suggesting. However, this is not how to project real value or confidence to a girl you like.
It sounds manipulative, but little things can show her that you might be interested, but aren’t totally obsessed or without other options. Here are some small things you can adjust in your game:
Being too agreeable, or dropping everything to answer her texts is tempting, because everywhere else in life, being polite and nice usually gets you some positive benefit. With women, this isn’t always the case.
Sometimes you have to be your own person with your own plan and schedule, and let them in on it, rather than make them the entire focus of your life. They’ll find the latter unattractive and desperate.
Conveying that you’re busy, but like her enough to make time to hang out, is much more attractive than canceling something else you had planned just to appease her.
It makes your life easier, and makes her think you’re a little more difficult to get than the others guys she’s used to.
A nice guy is boring. Plain and simple. A really beautiful woman has probably developed a very high level of confidence. She’s been approached by tons of guys, and has essentially been told she’s hot.
The problem is that it’s boring for her. She enjoys the attention, but doesn’t find it sexually attractive. Some girls even find it a little pathetic. A compliment is fine, but don’t be profuse about it.
A really beautiful woman would rather a guy be hard to get. She doesn’t want to settle, but rather wants to feel like she’s got someone really special.
A guy that just gives it up too quickly isn’t going to satisfy that need.
If you can project that you’re the kind of guy that is not only good enough, but the kind that exceeds expectations, she’ll be much more interested.
It sounds selfish, but men and women both look at dating in terms of resource extraction. On an unconscious level, they’re thinking: what do I get if I date this person.
The more you chase, the less attractive it makes you appear.
Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn’t.
Regardless, when it comes to dating, always think of things in terms of value and rarity.
Projecting these two qualities sets you up for success, and makes you seem much more like the alpha-male you are.
Chris is a writer and graduate student of creative writing in New York City. He is currently working on a novel about internet dating and spends his free time practicing aerial photography, socializing and, when possible, sleeping.
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