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The Comeback: How To Start Dating Again After A Long Hiatus

The Comeback: How To Start Dating Again After A Long Hiatus

BY Christopher Gramuglia

The Comeback: How To Start Dating Again After A Long Hiatus

For a lot of guys, it would be great if there was nothing else to do but game. Some people get that into it, that it’s all they want to do all day every day.

It’s not unrealistic to think that this might happen to guys as they start to become more and more successful at picking up girls.

It feels good to be able to walk up to a girl and be so charming that she just hands over her number without you asking.

Maybe it’s the reward circuitry in our brains telling us to game, game game, but it’s very easy to get lost in the world of cold-approach pickup.

However, life inevitably gets in the way and you may be forced to take time away from going out five or six nights a week.

Maybe your career is on its way up or you’ve decided to start hitting the gym religiously and it’s making it hard for you stay out all night.

Whatever the case may be, we all have to take time off from game to let the other parts of our life advance, and it’s never something to feel guilty or anxious about.

It sounds paradoxical, but improving other aspects of your life will invariably help you with women in the long run.

But what about that first night back? What happens when you get the raise you’ve been working for and it’s time to party again? Let’s say you haven’t been out gaming in three months.

Most guys would expect to walk out somewhere like the East Village in Manhattan and pick up right where they left off. This is a far cry from what actually happens.

Game really is a “use it or lose it” skill, and being away from it is like being away from the gym for a long time; things start to degrade.

You won’t be as quick on your feet as you once were, and you may even feel some recurring approach anxiety—a feeling you probably thought was dead and buried.

In some cases, it may feel like it’s your first night out all over again.

Your nervousness will be hard to hide, and for the first few hours, you’ll struggle to even keep a conversation afloat.

The point of this article isn’t to be negative; it’s to be realistic. Just because you’re out of practice doesn’t mean you should get discouraged.

The good news is that even though you’re still dusting off the cobwebs and it feels new again, you still have all of the reference experience from your times of heavy gaming.

When you first started, you had nothing but a cool outfit and a canned opener.

Don’t put too much pressure on yourself on that first night back. Set small goals. Depending on how long it’s been you may want to just focus on opening for the night.

Approach as many girls as you can without necessarily attaching any other goals to the scenario. Just remember how it feels to go up to a girl you don’t know and start talking.

Or, if you’re more ambitious, tell yourself that you won’t go home until you’ve got one number. It doesn’t even have to be one that’s promising.

Just get the number so you can get accustomed to the process again: approach, talk, attract, close. It doesn’t have to be perfect. Your goal for your first night back is just to remember.

There is a lot of muscle memory involved in game, but like anything, it takes time for those parts of your brain to light up again, just like it takes time for your biceps to pop again after a long time off from the gym.

You have to start somewhere, so remember that the first night back gaming isn’t the time to put pressure on yourself. It’s a necessary hurdle you have to jump over to get back to your previous skill level.

Another thing you can try is to use a dating app as a way of simulating conversation.

Dating apps can get you actual dates, but they’re also a good, pretty safe way to talk to girls and get used to the feeling again.

They let you slow things down and conduct a conversation without letting the nerves cloud your judgment. Imagine training to be a pilot.

You’d probably start with a simulator before you set foot in an actual cockpit.

In both scenarios, it’s just a place to practice and get a taste for the real thing before you go out and actually do it.

It may take a week or two, but soon you’ll remember all of your old tricks and be right back to where you were before life got in the way.

The key is to just be patient, and realize that messing up and taking time off is part of the whole process.

Game is an important part of life for any guy, but so is work, health and whatever other weird hobbies he likes to do in his spare time.

Don’t feel guilty for taking time off, and when you start again, just remember it’s going to take time.

That being said, if you can be consistent or still manage to go out one night a week even when your life is busy, by all means, do it.

Keeping things balanced is the best way to stay reasonably sharp even when you have to take time away from going out.

Most people can still get away with four hours on a Saturday night just to maintain the skills they’ve developed.

If it helps numb some of the worries associated with taking time away, just call it a maintenance phase.

Believe it or not, taking time off will ultimately make you more interesting, experienced and more attractive to girls when you return to the dating scene.

Girls tend to want a guy who is well-rounded, and who has some life experience, so filling up your time with activities that will make cool stories is never a bad thing.

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Christopher Gramuglia

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Chris is a personal trainer and graduate student of creative writing. He recently completed writing a fantasy novel that he hopes to turn into a trilogy, but also writes about topics like dating, fitness and what it means to be a man in the twenty-first century.

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