There is a fine line between being a creep and being a guy who is persistent with a girl he likes.
It goes without saying, but you never, ever want to fall into the first category.
Creeps are the kinds of guys that girls talk about with other guys that they’re actually sleeping with for a laugh.
They’re the types that send relentless messages to a girl on Instagram or Facebook, or if she’s made the mistake of giving him her number, will text her non-stop.
It doesn’t matter if she’s made it clear that she’s not interested; the creep doesn’t stop creeping, and genuinely believes that he’s just being persistent.
He thinks that constantly annoying a girl or making her uncomfortable with weird text messages is the same thing as gaming her. It’s not. Not even close.
But sometimes even well-intentioned guys push things too far and come off as overly aggressive weirdos to the girls that they’re after.
The key is knowing the difference between persisting and completely annoying a girl to the point that she not only thinks you’re desperate but also thinks there might be something deeply wrong with you.
You can pretty much detect where things are headed from the moment you meet a girl.
If you’ve been gaming for a while, you know that a phone number doesn’t necessarily mean that it was a solid interaction.
Nowadays, it’s very easy to give a guy her number just to get him to leave her alone, and then block him seconds later.
Pay attention to how your interaction is going, and text her no matter what, but keep that in mind when it comes time for you decide whether or not another text or Facebook message might be over the top.
Also, generally, with a girl you just met, it’s best to avoid overtly sexual types of communication because she doesn’t know you.
It’s hard for men to always understand this, but women require a much bigger emotional investment into a guy before she allows him to even consider engaging in some kind of sexual act with him.
Guys, unfortunately, require very little emotional investment. It’s sad for some but is unfortunately the truth.
However, you still need to keep in mind that propositioning a girl too soon will invariably make you seem predatory, not fun or charming and overly aggressive.
Your goal, in the beginning, should be to come off as fun—someone anybody (guy or girl) would like hanging out with.
If there’s attraction there, the good stuff will happen all on its own.
Knowing when to pull away is also key when it comes to the difference between persistence and creepiness.
In some cases, girls like to make a guy work a little bit, even though they already know they’re going to sleep with him or go out for drinks.
It’s just part of their version of game, and it’s totally fine to play into it if you feel she’s worth it. What you should watch out for is real, genuine disinterest.
If a girl takes days to respond to one of your texts and writes a couple of nonsensical words, she isn’t teasing you or trying to make you work for it. She’s just not interested.
Trying to plow through a situation like this is only going to make you come off as more obsessive, socially inept and unattractive.
Some of the blame is certainly on girls for not just coming out and saying they aren’t interested, but this isn’t about who’s at fault.
It’s about knowing how to preserve your integrity in a social interaction, and not come off as a guy who hasn’t left his parent’s basement in five years.
The same rules generally apply for bars and clubs on a physical level. If you get a girl’s number, hang out for another minute or two, but then leave the area.
You can ruin a good number close by getting greedy and lingering in the area after the conversation is over.
It gives off a vibe that you have tunnel vision and only came out to hit on girls. Maybe you did, but that’s not the mood you want to give off.
You’ll be more successful if you create the notion that getting her number was just a byproduct of the good time you’re having.
Guys that go out and make it obvious that they’re hunting for girls are almost instantly labeled as creepy or desperate.
Don’t ever be self-conscious but in the back of your head be aware of how your actions might be perceived.
Being greedy and trying to see how long you can hang out with a girl who you just met will make you look clingy and cause her to second guess whether or not giving you her number was a good idea.
That being said, occasionally, she may ask you to hang with her and her friends, in which case you absolutely should stay with her and see where things go.
Just be sure that it’s her choice, and you aren’t following her around the club unnecessarily.
There are other common sense things to avoid: don’t hit on her friends, don’t get too drunk and don’t get touchy if it’s clearly not something she’s okay with.
These are things that should be obvious if you want to seem fun and confident without being pushy or aggressive.
The biggest thing to remember is to ask yourself: am I being persistent and staying in this interaction, or am I ruining this girl’s night by leering at her?
There’s nothing wrong with following through and putting the impetus on her to return your interest. It shows confidence and will help your chances.
Some guys will say it doesn’t matter if you come off as creepy and that you should take every opportunity as far as it will go, but the truth is that other girls will see how you’re behaving and a creepy vibe will lower your value.
Just persist in a charming way, and always be ready to back off if you have to.
Never run out of things to say! Here are some great questions to ask the girl you like, courtesy of our friend, Chris Calo at Way Too Social.