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One Size Doesn’t Fit All: Why Thinking On The Fly Is Key For Dating

One Size Doesn’t Fit All: Why Thinking On The Fly Is Key For Dating

BY Christopher Gramuglia

One Size Doesn’t Fit All: Why Thinking On The Fly Is Key For Dating

A lot of guys think that dating is a one-size fits all endeavor, but they couldn’t be more wrong.

To assume that all women respond to the same thing is ignorant, a little insulting to women and indicates a fundamental lack of appreciation for females in general.

Women are unique, just like we are, and aren’t all going to be swept off their feet by the same stuff.

If they were a bunch of automatons, with a general built-in code that could unlock the doors to their bedrooms and their hearts, romancing them just wouldn’t be as much fun.

It’s the unpredictability of women that makes them so exciting to be around and the fact that each of them has their own set of likes and dislikes when it comes to romance makes the game more of a thrill.

Yet, there are still guys out there that like to generalize or give advice based on an experience they had with a specific woman. Most of this advice is doled out to inflate the ego of the person giving it and isn’t really useful.

The best way to attract a woman is not by assuming that they are all easily cracked, but to adjust based on what you can learn about her personality as you go. Attraction is not mathematical; it’s fluid and requires constant adaptation and calibration.

Of course, most of us go into a date looking to make a good impression without knowing very much about the girl sitting across from us.

For some, that’s a nerve-wracking thought, but what a lot of people tend to forget is that this is actually the point of a date. It’s an opportunity for you to see what the girl is all about, and to adjust your game accordingly.

Maybe she just wants to hook up, in which case, she probably wants you to be aggressive and go for it. Or maybe she’s an old-fashioned type of girl and moving too quickly will scare her off.

A guy who understands women knows how to react to these situations quickly if he wants to keep her interested.

A guy who doesn’t understand women treats every interaction the same. He shows up and tries to escalate things as quickly as possible.

There is no single right way to go about making a woman attracted to you; in a sense, every way is the right way (as long as you’re not a creep about it), it just depends on who she is.

Let’s say, for example, you meet a girl on Tinder whose pictures are insanely provocative: bikini pics, workout shots, prints from that time she modeled lingerie—the whole deal.

You assume, that since the last time you went out with a girl with a profile like this and got laid, the same thing is about to happen. But then you show up and find out that she’s actually pretty shy.

She likes you but gives you the impression that maybe she’s been hurt before, or is getting over a break-up and is just trying to see who else is out there.

Would it make sense to go at the interaction as originally planned? Would a girl who is licking her emotional wounds respond well to being propositioned by a guy she just met? Of course not.

It’s your job (if you like her) to quickly adjust your attitude and vibe based on who she is, and what point she’s at in her life.

If you are dead-set on a hookup, then maybe she isn’t the one for you and you should let her know. There’s never any shame in that.

The central idea is that you can never assume ahead of time what type of strategy or mindset will be right on a date or any romantic situation.

Your attitude toward your date has to be determined on the fly and requires focus, attentiveness and above all else, lots of practice.

As soon as you realize that calibrating your personality is essential to your success with women, you will start to view dating as an entirely new activity.

It won’t feel rudimentary anymore and chances are it’ll become more rewarding.

Not only will you start hooking up with more women, but you’ll actually connect with a human being rather than going on thinking that cheesy pick-up lines and recycled material are the cure-alls to your dating dilemmas.

For someone who is just starting to go on dates, it may help to think about what you want to say ahead of time, or to have a way of presenting yourself so that you get comfortable around the opposite sex, but eventually the goal for most should be to project a sense of fluidity and genuineness in a romantic or social interaction.

The worst thing that can happen to someone who starts taking their dating life more seriously is that they get too serious. Don’t treat your dates like obstacles to getting what you want.

Enjoy the process, and enjoy each woman you meet for who she is. Your comfortability and ability to improvise will grow exponentially in a very short amount of time.

Nothing beats practice and putting yourself in as many social situations as possible, with as many different types of women as possible.

If you can’t stand EDM, go on a date with a girl who is obsessed with it and try to get along with her.

If you’re a die-hard Star Wars fan and she thinks Obi-Wan Kenobi is something you can get at Jamba Juice, go out with her anyway for the experience of meeting someone new.

It’ll only help your game and give you valuable experience that you wouldn’t otherwise get by memorizing canned material.

The important thing to remember is that you can be attractive to lots of different types of women with varied interests, but it won’t come without experience or repeatedly going out to practice.

So don’t assume anything about your next date; just show up, have a good time and try to learn something.

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Christopher Gramuglia

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Chris is a writer, photographer and holds a master's degree in creative writing. He is working on a novel about dating in the digital age, and is an expert on topics like social dynamics and how to navigate the modern dating scene.

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