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Emotional Spiking: Your Most Valuable Tool On A Date

Emotional Spiking: Your Most Valuable Tool On A Date

BY Christopher Gramuglia

Emotional Spiking: Your Most Valuable Tool On A Date

The most important tool a guy can bring on a date isn’t a cool outfit, an expensive car or any of that other cliché nonsense that people think actually matters to women.

Taking care of your appearance helps, but it’s only a small part of the picture. What really matters is your voice, and what you can do with it.

What I’m specifically referring to is how you carry yourself in a conversation, and how you can use certain emotional spikes to keep things exciting.

There is nothing worse than a conversation that is lukewarm, sounds like an interview or doesn’t meander into topics that get the attention of your date.

For example, a conversation about tattoos is going to be more interesting than a conversation about the weather, and a conversation in which you disagree with a girl on the topic is probably going to be more exciting than one where you pander to her just to get on her good side.

The truth is that when you have a conversation with a girl for the first time, you have to be able to structure it in such a way that it creates emotional spikes, both good and bad.

It’s true: saying something negative is still better than taking the neutral route.

This is the whole idea behind emotional spiking. It’s taking a conversation and creating waves and troughs within to keep her focused on you.

The worst thing a guy can do is come from a mindset that says he has to vibe with the girl on every topic or compromise his own values just to make a good impression.

A girl will be way more attracted to the guy that stands his ground and presents himself as having real convictions. This is only the first step.

You can also use positive spiking to your advantage as well. Tell her you like her outfit, or that she’s funny, or that you’re having a good time with her.

It doesn’t hurt to compliment her or to occasionally allow for some common ground to present itself.

The key is knowing when to back off so you don’t seem desperate or like you’re being fake.

Remember: compliments lose their value when you toss them around like dollar bills at a strip club.

The key is finding balance, and calibrating based on two things: a) the type of girl and b) her reaction to you as a person.

If you’re on a date with a girl who’s shy, or maybe even seems like her self-esteem isn’t the greatest, you may want to err on the side of positive emotional spiking.

Make her feel good, and give her the impression that it’s just a date—nothing to stress out about.

You can still throw in one or two somewhat negative spikes just to keep things interesting, but be careful about it.

You don’t want to hurt her feelings, especially if you were just trying to tease her.

On the other hand, if you’re out with a girl whose game is just as sophisticated as yours and who chewed up and spit out the last ten guys she went out with.

Focus on giving her hard negative emotional spikes. If she knows the game, she’ll know that you’re not being serious, but she’ll also respond emotionally, which is exactly what you want.

Girls like this are intentionally difficult, simply because they are flooded with opportunities to meet guys.

A date, for them, is essentially one big series of tests for the guy they’re with to see if he can handle her.

She won’t tolerate boredom or a conversation about where she went to college or what she does for a living.

Make fun of her. Tease her. Disagree with her on purpose, just to show that you aren’t intimidated by her games or her looks.

Bear in mind, you’re not being mean. You’re flirting.

In the case of manufacturing strong negative emotional spikes, there’s a subtle difference.

Being outright mean usually means a personal attack on someone, designed to wound them. But flirting is more like innocent teasing designed to create emotional responses.

A lot of guys don’t know the difference and send girls who might be interested running off in a huff because they feel insulted.

However, in some cases, you may have to resort to being a prick to get a girl interested. This is rare—a real “in case of emergency break glass scenario”—but it does happen.

Usually with a ten who gets approached twenty or thirty times in a night.

The last thing she’s expecting is for a guy to refuse to put up with her shit or to be a complete dick, and if you convey that you aren’t intimidated by her, it may buy a few minutes with her to make your case.

Another thing to remember is to mirror the vibe she’s sending you.

If she’s complimenting you or making it clear that she’s having a good time, it doesn’t make a whole lot of sense to start throwing negative emotional spikes at her.

Follow her lead and keep it positive, because she may have already decided she likes you.

A lot of guys lose track of where they are in a conversation and end up saying things that seem out of place.

If she still seems bored or uninterested, you can be a little negative or shocking just to wake her up and refocus her on the date.

You just have to pay attention and constantly be aware of what kind of conversation you need to manufacture at the moment.

There is no short answer for how and when to create positive or negative reactions in women.

Dates can start off a certain way and then require some improvisation based on how she’s responding to you.

It just takes focus to see it, and knowing how to walk the lines between being too nice, outright mean and flirtatious.

Like any facet of game, you just have to pay attention, prioritize and practice.

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Christopher Gramuglia

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Chris is a writer, photographer and holds a master's degree in creative writing. He is working on a novel about dating in the digital age, and is an expert on topics like social dynamics and how to navigate the modern dating scene.

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