Stay Mindful: Learn How To Listen To What She Is Not Saying
You and your lady are walking home after a fantastic night out on the town.
You took in a movie, nice dinner and decided that it was nice enough outside to forego an Uber ride home, choosing rather to walk the short 7 blocks to your apartment in the city.
The night was relatively young but late enough for the 2nd city to come alive. The 2nd city is the transformation that takes place after 11pm.
The familiar buildings, streets, and avenues you frequent when working during the day are no longer recognizable.
You and your love, stop in the middle of the sidewalk under the bright city lights, amidst the screeching sirens of FDNY, scurrying down 3rd avenue to rescue another victim.
No sooner had you considered one another’s eyes when you were interrupted by a flash of force and sound bumping both of you to the warm, hard concrete.
Without thinking, you jump to your feet looking in all directions, catching a meager glimpse of a speeding pile of clay moving further into the darkness.
Almost simultaneously, you turn your attention to your lover to make sure that she is okay as she took the brunt of the impact both by the perpetrator and the ground.
You reach to brush her hair back into place checking her hands and limbs for signs of injury, finding only minor scratches and the beginning of a small bruise on her knee.
You ask her if she is okay, and while startled by what has just happened a new reality would begin to surface.
“I can’t find my purse”, she proclaims frantically searching the area for her small clutch bag she had recently purchased for more appropriate occasions.
You begin to help her look for the purse, searching the open mouth of the sewer with the flashlight from your cell phone.
You both keep looking for her purse for another 15 minutes when you understand what had just happened.
The thump and the landing on the pavement were caused by an individual who had just stolen your beloved’s purse.
While her license and credit cards were in the purse, it was her house keys she was most concerned about.
“What if they come to my house?” You try to calm her fears, all the while battling your own feelings of guilt for not stopping what had taken place.
Almost 20 minutes had passed when you decided to call the police. Another 10 minutes would come and go before NYPD finest would arrive on the scene.
You explained in almost vivid detail the events of the evening when you finally got to the moment the crime occurred.
The officer asked you both, “what did the person look like?”
“Was it a man, a boy, a woman, a girl, tall short, old, fat, young, black, white, robust or insignificant?”
A superabundance of responses would come varying from both perspectives.
The officers were confused, not knowing whether to search for a man, woman boy or a girl. It would prove to be a lost cause, as your love’s purse would likely be lost forever.
It’s not uncommon for a person’s perception of events to exaggerate during a traumatic occurrence.
In situations where a gun is used in a crime, the victim is usually fixed on the weapon rather than the person who is holding the gun.
It is very difficult to pay attention to the actual participant when we are focused on our own well-being at that moment.
It’s been said that women are better listeners than men and that men never listen.
While I find the word never to be greatly misused, I also must disagree that we do not listen. The fact is, we are listening but we are often focused on the wrong details.
In the heat of the moment, it is difficult for men to see beyond our own feelings and abandon our own interest for her sake.
Understandably so, as men, we are made up of testosterone, ego, and pride. The male ego will almost always seek to defend its own honor when challenged.
For us to capture the essence of what our woman is saying to us, you must attempt to reason with her during peace time.
Trying to reason with a woman in the middle of a disagreement, is like unfolding a beach chair during a hurricane. Not only does this make no sense, but it’s of little value.
Your love interest must be educated with the knowledge that most men already know. The softer she speaks, the louder she is.
If it is possible, and if you care a great deal for your woman, you must learn how to communicate with her, but before you can learn how to communicate you must learn to listen.
You may believe that you are listening to what she is saying, but are you sure you aren’t fixed on how she is saying it? Are you thinking about her feelings or about your own?
She isn’t crazy, delusional, nor in most cases unreasonable. She is frustrated because we aren’t understanding the language that she is speaking.
We must remove all distractions, for us to hear what she is trying to tell us.
When we are in tune with her heart, and she knows that we have her best interest, she will begin to unfold the wings that conceal her heart and disclose to us her true nature.
She loves you, and she loves being in a relationship with you but she wants you to understand her.
She wants to know that you are concerned about what is important to her. Are you making the same sacrifices in the relationship? Are you giving as much as she is?
Do you communicate your feelings to her? If she is the only one communicating, how can she trust you to be there for her? Does she trust you to listen, be responsive, and non-judgmental?
Do you really know her? Know what is important to her, her favorite color, book, childhood memory? What is her favorite song? Your anniversary, her birthday?
She is communicating with you because she wants you to know everything about her and isn’t ashamed to expose her true nature to you.
When she asks you to put your shoes away when you get home, is she trying to be your mother, or is she communicating something that is important to her?
If you and your lover could have slowed time, you’d be able to see all the fine details and clues left behind by the person who stole the purse.
When she is talking, turn off the television. When she is weak from the hardship of the day, strengthen yourself for her.
Look her in the eye when she is talking, and ask her if she would like to have your opinion. Sometimes she just wants you to listen, but she will appreciate it if you ask her permission before giving her your own thoughts.
Sometimes, men, we must slow down, take the time to listen to our woman, know her heart, know what makes her tick.
Over time, you will learn to communicate without words and can anticipate the clouds before the storm.
Know when she needs a hug, when she needs to be held, and when she needs to talk. Know when she needs alone time with you or just alone time. Know when to talk, and know when to be quiet.
Know when to be firm, but when to be patient.
A woman is a wonderful wellspring of possibilities.
The right woman is a beautiful array of orchids under a medium sun.
Too little or too much heat will cause her petals to fall, leaving her mind, body, and spirit without hope.
Listen to what she is telling you, or someone else will.