According to Professor Albert Mehrabian of UCLA, 38 percent of communication is voice and tone, 55 percent is body language and 7 percent is spoken word.
This is a huge revelation in the world of dating and often a major detail that most men don’t pay attention to.
In a slightly less scientific experiment, I took a poll with a few of my female friends. I asked “What are the little things you look for or pick up on when it comes to a potential partner?”
I found their answers rather eye-opening, as all the women I spoke to had similar things important to them, without even talking to one another. Below is a list of the areas that came up the most.
1. The way you treat the other women around you
This may be the most important thing on this list. In her eyes the way you treat the other women in your life is a dead giveaway as to how she will be treated down the line, because who is more important than your mother or your family?
It even goes further, with your female friends or women that you work with. Talking down to the women around you or using misogynistic language is not a good look and probably won’t get you much more than a slap in the face.
2. The energy that you bring; are you a Glass half full, half empty kind of guy
We all have that friend or family member who complains about everything, subconsciously has a negative opinion about everything he or she encounters, or just generally doesn’t seem to be enjoying their life.
Positive people often live longer than their pessimistic counterparts.
Optimistic People often have a better chance in the dating pool, opportunities in life, increased health, the list goes on. It’s proven that positive people live better, healthier lives, as people naturally want to surround themselves with positive people.
If you’re more glass half full, you have an amazing trait that is always in high demand. Negative people suck the life and energy out of everything and everyone they’re around.
No one wants to be around pessimistic people, Don’t be that person. Reinforcing positive thoughts and imagery will not only assist your dating life in positive ways, it can better your life.
3. Put Together
We’ve all heard the tales of women, who like “a well put together man.” This doesn’t mean she wants to build her perfect guy like some type of romantic million dollar man.
What she means is someone who takes pride in his appearance and has a basic grasp on his personal hygiene. Like it or not, we live in a society where you are judged almost instantly on your appearance.
A man that is well put together has the upperhand. You don’t need the most expensive suits or the trendiest sneakers, but you have presented yourself in a respectful way.
4. How you move
Think about this, you’re walking in the mall and someone speed walks by you. What do you assume? That they’re in a hurry, right? These people don’t seem easily approachable do they?
Now let’s look at someone who is at a slower, more leisurely pace. These people don’t seem too much in a hurry, they’re much more approachable right?
They look more comfortable in their skin and with everything around them. Walking can be a form of seduction. A slower walk combined with a broad chest, head held high, and shoulders back conveys confidence.
It conveys a sense of control and strength that faster walkers do not convey. Fast walkers tend to come across as more anxious, uneasy, and erratic.
5. Your approach to life
No one likes lazy people, even lazy people hate lazy people. Women like go-getters, men that can make their own way, men that can support themselves and their families if need be.
It all goes back to the early days of mankind when men were in charge of hunting and gathering. Women like strong men who can take care of himself and support her if at all needed.
If you’re the finicky type with commitment at every point in your life (keeping jobs, maintaining friendships, school, committing to events with friends) she will pick up on that.
No one wants to feel like they’re in a relationship or committed to people who don’t reciprocate those feelings. This is a very important note, not just in dating but in life.
When applying for a job, potential employers ask if they can contact your previous employers for a reason. They’re not calling to discuss why you no longer work with them; most employers want to know if you’re RELIABLE.
If you can be there when they’re in a pinch. The same is true for her, she want’s to know if she can rely on you both physically and emotionally when she needs you there after a tough day.
If you haven’t figure it out already, conversation is the gateway from stranger to significant other; the difference between getting the girl and going home for another holiday facing the questions of your peering parents as to when you’re going to settle down.
Conversation is a very important key that DJ Khaled would be hard fought to speak out against.
Conversation isn’t just about talking, it’s about keeping the conversation going, about keeping the conversation light and fun, it’s about conveying your intelligence through provocative and meaningful conversation, it’s about keeping her attention, and it’s about proving why you are worth her attention without coming off as an arrogant flashy materialistic goofball at the bar.
Actually listen to what she has to say and not just waiting on her to finish talking so that you can talk, she will make it very clear who she is and what she’s into.
It’s obvious when you approach every women with the intent of taking her home that night. Don’t be that guy.
8. Do you take in interest in her interests?
The things that are important to her should be just as important to you. Her interests and hobbies are what makes her who she is.
It’s her other passions aside from you that she loves. On the flip side, you don’t have to like what she likes but you should find her interests extremely important as it is important to her you should take the time to learn more about what she’s into and even set some time out to participate in activities with her.
9. Your Circle
This one came up very often and honestly it surprised me the most. The people you choose to spend the most time with say a lot about you and who you are. Jim Rohn said it best “You are the average of the 5 people who you spend the most time with.”
It’s guaranteed that she will spend time with your friends over the course of your relationship, and if your friends are assholes, at some point she will ask herself if you are worth the trouble.
This is one of those things that you should get better at through the course of your relationship. Your woman wants to know she’s appreciated, that you still take notice of the small things.
She wants you to chase her like you did when you first met her. Do you notice and compliment her when she’s wearing new earrings? Or when she has a new haircut? New perfume? Or even when it comes to gift giving.
The most expensive gift doesn’t automatically make it better, it is actually the gifts that thoughtful gifts that she’ll love the most.
11. How does she feel around you?
Remember back in the day when you were afraid of whatever hid under your bed when you parents flicked off the light and left the room? What did you do?
You got underneath the sheets on your bed and that was your shield from anything the night held. Women want to know when they go out they’ll be protected, that you’ll be her knight in shining armor if any potential situations arise.
You don’t have to be built like The Rock or possess the skills of Conor McGregor, but she should always feel safe and comfortable around you. Be her Blanket.
12. What her friends think of you
This is HUGE. Women look to their girlfriends for a second opinion or confirmation on their potential man. Trust that if her girlfriends are around then you are most certainly being judged, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
If you find yourself in a conversation with one of her friends, she is interviewing you and is forming her own opinion of you that she will definitely share with her friend.
Winning her girlfriends over is a huge step in the right direction and makes a world of difference.
13. Do you take yourself too serious?
Cyndi Lauper said it best, “Girls just want to have fun” and that is true for any woman of any age. Women like to have a good time and can find themselves bored with any man who takes himself to seriously.
Try this social experiment next time you go out; take notice of the guys having a good time, laughing, joking around or dancing then take notice of the guys who are quiet and more reserved, in the corner enjoying their beer.
It’s usually the group of guys who are enjoying themselves that garner the most attention from women. I had a guy I used to work with who lost his girlfriend because he stopped being fun, he said she grew bored of him.
He got the girl and stopped being the fun guy she was initially attracted to. Let that be a lesson to you, you won’t be the fun guy at all times, but you should strive to maintain a fun and light relationship that will keep her interested.
Confidence is silent and sexy, arrogance is loud and obnoxious. There is a fine line between the two. People are attracted to confidence and turned off by arrogance.
Women, men, employers, all have that in common. It’s a universal trait that is sought after. A confident man can get the job done. He is secure in himself and who he is, he walks with a certain swagger.
It isn’t about the flashy material things, but more about your brand of self and who you are presenting to the world.
15. Having Goals
This is self-explanatory, you should set goals for yourself if you want any chance at her taking you serious as a potential partner. Goals are sexy.