I’m not the quintessential example of a “bro,” nor would I ever want to be mistaken for one. In fact, those are two things that are far from my life goals. I speak only from my personal experiences, which have gotten me somewhere I guess.
With that said, don’t go running off after reading this article and thinking that “wow this guy really knows his stuff, he’s one of the bros” or “sheesh, this guy is a bro to the max. What lame.”
I only speak/write anecdotally but like every personal story, there’s always a moral to it.
Now, if you’re wondering about my “dating credentials” I’ve seen my share of things, to say the least and done my share of things, to say the most.
Nonetheless, these sometimes hysterical, romantic, or head-shakingly (just made that word up, fight me Grammar Police) disappointing dating experiences share three indicators that usually signal the coming of a second date.
So… to everyone who wants to either laugh at my three pieces of advice or adamantly take notes, read very, VERY, carefully: as if your dying ancient relative was telling you one of your family’s most coveted recipes or secrets. You ready?
Tip 1: Spit in your date’s face
Now, I know what you’re thinking, “what the flying f*ck is wrong with this guy? Isn’t that how you guarantee yourself an absolute 0% chance of even finishing the first date?”
From a literal perspective, it definitely is a sure shot way of ending the first date on the spot (unless you and your date are into that kind of weird sh*t, but that’s a different story). Luckily for you, I’m here to help
When I say “spit in your date’s face” I’m speaking metaphorically. What I mean by this is that you shouldn’t be afraid to lay it all out there on the first date.
Speaking from personal experience, I can vividly recall one date where I decided to be my unabashed self at a local bar.
Rather than holding back, I decided to be me: quick-witted, crude, sarcastic, and clumsily hilarious. And you know how the night went for me?
My date appreciated my honesty of character and felt comfortable enough to want to go on a second date.
Think of the first date like gambling; you can play conservatively and go home with a decent winning OR you play for all the marbles and come home the biggest winner at the table (feel free to interpret however you want it, in the context of first dates).
There’s always the third possibility that you lay it all out on the first date and completely ruin it, but if that happens, move on. That’s dating for you.
You either strike big or you go home with whatever is left of your pride. As long as you played. You can’t win unless you play.
Tip 2: Ignore your date and listen to the music in the background
If you’re starting to get the sarcastic nature behind my pointers, good for you. If not, then that’s ok. I’ll help you out.
Of course you’re not going to ignore your date and start to jam out to your favorite song playing in the background. That’s just dumb or very bold, depending on how you look at things.
What I mean by this second pointer is that rather than focusing on the exterior or superficial baggage that comes with people (i.e., your date), listen intently to their words and pay attention to their body language.
If you want to, you can call this step “taking a hint”. You need to be able to understand whether your date is engaged or simply putting up the illusion that she/he is engaged.
This is the challenging part. Most of us aren’t trained to read or effectively interpret words (syntax, rhetoric, concepts, etc.) and body language. As to why this is the case is a different story. But, no need to fret.
When in doubt, focus on your date: make eye contact, hold eye contact, and recognize the change of mood in her/his words and body positioning.
If you can listen to the music of the body and voice, then your date will most likely take note of how good of a listener you are.
Tip 3: Never hold the door
If you’re a lady, there’s usually two ways that the holding-the-door situation can go: you either expect your date to hold the doors for you or you do it yourself.
If you’re a guy or the active individual throughout the date, it’s usually expected that you hold the door for your date.
However, this portion has nothing to do with holding doors on dates.
Instead, I want you to think of this third piece of advice as if you’re contemplating on holding the door for someone who is half a New York City block away (that’s a hyperbole by the way).
If something about this person attracts you enough for you to wait for them to walk half a block just to hold the door open for them, then good for you.
Clearly there’s something so attractive about this person that you think it’s worth it for you to wait that long just to hold the door open for them.
On the opposite side of the spectrum, if you’re the kind of person who doesn’t see the purpose of holding the door for someone who has to walk 460 feet then that’s ok!
I don’t blame you. You probably have important sh*t to do.
Either way, there’s an inherent sense of expectations in both scenarios: what you might expect from your date and what you THINK your date might expect from you.
Tying this into dating, lower your expectations or have none! Expectations have a tendency to get in the way of dating, especially when you want dating to be fun.
It sounds a bit cynical but it’s completely logical. My favorite dates have always been the ones where I lowered my expectations and just went with the flow.
In doing so, both my date and I could be more open and feel more comfortable with each other. So… lower your expectations or have none.
More than likely your date will appreciate this and will probably want to see what the future has in store for you two!
Conclusion: Dating is fun!
So as you can see, I tried to make this article as fun and abstract as possible because that’s what dating is: a funky social romance that requires spitting in your date’s face, ignoring your date, and never, ever, holding the door open for your date!
Not literally, of course. When you’re able to be your shameless self, listen intently to your date rather than focusing on the superficial, and are able to lower your expectations, you’ll generally find that your date will want to go out for another night of unapologetic, genuine, and lighthearted YOU!