There’s a unique quality of voice that accompanies a “come to Jesus” moment… you know, that moment when some serious hell gets rained down on you by someone you care about, in a way that makes you question everything about yourself.
It’s kind of like the frightened warble of a blind baby bird, unsure if the looming shadow is Mom returning to the nest, or a predator out for a snack.
It’s distinctive enough that, within moments of picking up the phone, I knew that something was way wrong with my friend, who’s regarded as a “top dog” in the world of men’s dating advice. Guys like him don’t normally sound like this.
But lo and behold – the power of a woman. And a good woman at that. They’d been dating for awhile, and she’d really knocked his socks off, across the board.
Things were good until some creative Googling on her part, whereupon she discovered his Internet pseudonym and his website.
Things got worse she bought one of his products. And when she read the stuff that got posted on his forums, well… hell hath no fury like a woman who reads about tactics that were used on her, on her boyfriend’s website.
My spider sense tells me that he’s a genuinely good dude. And I’d like to think that my accuracy on this one is better than Bush was on Putin.
The light shines brighter than the darkness in him. Don’t know how else to put it, but you know it when you know it.
He was torn up, and thinking about tearing his business down. I hope he doesn’t, because he has a lot to offer the world. But we both agreed that he didn’t have as “woman-friendly” a message as The Social Man.
There is a fair amount of machismo and chest-thumping in what he teaches, and this attracts a crowd of dudes that’s generally less oriented towards growth as human beings, and more oriented towards, well, getting laid.
Funny thing is, those things don’t have to be mutually exclusive, and I have great sympathies for any man (or woman) who suffers for sex. Unfortunately, a lot of men come at this problem with frustration and a sense of having “lost” something, and in their passive-aggressive anger, they are easily influenced to adopt some pretty bad beliefs and attitudes.
Understandable. But I don’t think it’s responsible for anyone who’s a thought leader in the world of manly advice to perpetuate bad beliefs and attitudes.
I’ve seen some companies do it very well for marketing, and cult/community-building purposes. And maybe it’s a conscious, deliberate effort.
Or maybe they don’t even have the self-awareness, or true sense of values, to know that they’re leading their followers backwards… so it becomes a “blind-leading-the-blind” sort of thing.
Now there are dozens and dozens of follow-on companies – doing both coaching, and Internet marketing, who just repackage and resell the same bad beliefs, attitudes and role models.
The thing that everyone seems to miss is that great relationships (and yes, sex) with amazing women happens with, well… women. The exciting part of the game is tuning out the information in your head, and tuning into the electricity that’s going on between your eyes and hers. The rewarding part of it is finding someone who you actually like, not someone who you can practice your skills on.
The thing that you’ve no doubt come to recognize, if you’ve been around here long enough… and that you will come to recognize if you’re new, is that it’s a lot easier and more rewarding to have amazing women in your life if you actually do have a “woman friendly” message. Not just in a marketing or brand positioning sense, but in your attitude and your heart.
Simple example: I can give you a great texting technique (and will do so soon in a new product) that makes a girl feel really uncertain about whether or not she’s “got you.” It creates a little vacuum of self-doubt that she’ll fill with thoughts of you. And it’s great for guys who keep “losing” girls over text.
Now, the weaker, more insecure, self-serving part of a guy would hear something like this, and it’d really appeal to him because he wants to “take away” a girl’s power. Again, I get that. If a guy has traditionally been in the weaker position, then he feels like he has to take her power away if he’s going to have any.
Chances are that any marketing we create that goes out to someone who’s not “on the inside” of TSM is going to play into this belief that guys have. Far easier to sell someone something when you’re not trying to change their beliefs along the way… that comes once they’re on the inside 🙂
On the other hand: the stronger, more confident, “woman-friendly” version of that guy sees it differently.
He realizes that it’s important to give a woman some thrills… he understands that the uncertainty is a fun, awesome, nail-biting part of this phase of relationships.
He wouldn’t want to bore her by being predictable. And he hopes that she’s going to have some fun and play back with him, because he doesn’t want a girl who doesn’t keep him on his toes.
Do you see the difference in attitudes?
It’s stuff like this that separates the losers from the winners… the guys who are in it to brag to their buddies on some message board, versus the guys who are in it to enjoy the great women in their lives.
You can see it in a person’s eyes… are they looking to pull one over on someone, or do they just want to give and be their best, have fun, and enjoy their lives with other great people?
That’s what I see in the aforementioned friend, and that’s why I hope he keeps doing his thing.
Because in my book, being “woman friendly” means elevating yourself to the point where a woman would read your words, hear your thoughts, and hope that she’s lucky enough to meet a guy like you. It has very little to do with technique, and everything to do with your heart, your beliefs and your attitude.