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Why You Need To Stop Making Excuses And Just Go Talk To Her

Why You Need To Stop Making Excuses And Just Go Talk To Her

BY Christopher Gramuglia

Why You Need To Stop Making Excuses And Just Go Talk To Her

Meeting girls is hard.

No guy who has ever seriously gone out and tried doing it can disagree.

Even guys who are good at it know that it’s always an uphill battle.

It’s never going to be as easy as just walking into a bar and having the kind of animal magnetism that makes girls flock to you without you having to do anything.

Meeting girls and then getting them attracted to you is a process that takes skill, patience, and practice.

When you really think about what it is, the process boils down to walking up to a complete stranger and creating a connection strong enough to spur romance with nothing but your voice, improvisational skills and charm.

The connection has to become so strong that the girl actually wants to take time out of her life to agree to spend time with you, a complete stranger.

No one in their right mind could honestly call this process easy, and if they do, they’re lying.

But the fact is, it’s instinctive and its part of being a man and a human being in general.

Look around you, every single person who lives is the product of some form of sexual attraction, whether it be fleeting or long-lasting. Creating bonds with those we find attractive is as human as eating, breathing or sleeping.

Yet, we aren’t encouraged to do it as much as we were fifty or even a hundred years ago.

In fact, men are discouraged from walking up to a woman they find pretty and talking to her because its become classified as harassment.

The odds, generally, are stacked against the average guy who just wants to meet a girl, but sometimes the environment is right, the mood is perfect and the opportunity is there, only for him to find some other reason not to go for it.

It could be a lack of self-confidence, a fear of rejection or a lack of social experience, but none of these things should really stop a guy from going after a woman that he’s interested in.

Essentially, the excuses that guys make for why they can’t go and talk to a girl are just that: excuses. Nothing more.

Society has beat it into our heads that we’re wrong or morally unjustified for wanting to approach women, and this has detrimental effects on our psychology.

It makes us doubt ourselves, and really believe that we’re all as bad as the guy who verbally assaults women on the sidewalk or becomes a creepy texter once he gets her number.

Feeling like you fall into this category is one of the main reasons you may not approach, but as long as you do things the proper way you should have no reason to avoid what otherwise should be a good opportunity.

We come up with all sorts of reasons for why we didn’t approach, and none of them are honest.

Some guys will change their minds and say the girl they were thinking of talking to is not that pretty, or that approaching women is just not who they are.

Others will wait for what they believe to be the right moment, which is really just a form of procrastination. The fact is, she is pretty enough, approaching women is not an identity and every moment is the right moment.

The male psyche as it stands now is generally a defeatist one because it’s been taught that starting conversations with strangers, more specifically, women is socially unacceptable.

So, we have a natural urge to go and do it, but then a different part of our brain tells us we shouldn’t by coming up with a whole mess of reasons not to.

Once, I was out with a friend. He saw a girl he wanted to approach but insisted that he needed to take a few more shots to gain the courage to go and do it.

This idea repeated itself throughout the night until he was eventually too drunk to walk over and talk to her. She left and to protect his ego he decided, “Whatever. She wasn’t that hot anyway.”

The point of this story is that making excuses will…

a) Waste time.

b) Usually, leave you unsuccessful.

c) Prevent you from getting any better at talking to women.

My friend knew what he wanted, but because of his own attitude kept putting off the moment where he actually took action, and it left him too drunk without a girl for the night.

If he’d just gone for it, things most likely would have gone in a completely, much more rewarding direction.

You have to be aware of yourself and what your own thoughts are trying to do to sabotage your success.

When you catch yourself coming up with reasons why it’s not a good idea to approach the women of your dreams, push them aside.

Stop actually thinking and just go for it. Meditation and self-awareness are good ways to discover your own negative thinking patterns and how to identify them in social situations.

Without being aware of your own thoughts regarding your skills with women, you’ll never be able to become immune to the hold they have on you.

It takes introspection and the willingness to admit that you’re taking the easy way out.

Guys who are egotistical and don’t approach have a hard time admitting to themselves that they’re just afraid or have some other psychological block to making things happen, but those who are willing to drop the ego and be honest with themselves have already taken the first step to becoming more confident and making less excuses.

Do some soul searching next time you find yourself coming up with reasons not to go and talk to a hot girl. Is it really a bad idea? Or are you just telling yourself that?

It’s almost always the latter, and while game is always going to be a tricky part of life, coming to this realization will make you less afraid and hopefully way more successful.

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Christopher Gramuglia

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Chris is a writer, photographer and holds a master's degree in creative writing. He is working on a novel about dating in the digital age, and is an expert on topics like social dynamics and how to navigate the modern dating scene.

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