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Your Soulmate Doesn’t Exist: Why There’s No Such Thing As “The One”

Your Soulmate Doesn’t Exist: Why There’s No Such Thing As “The One”

BY Christopher Gramuglia

Your Soulmate Doesn’t Exist: Why There’s No Such Thing As “The One”

You’ve been lied to.

Since the time you were a little kid, you’ve been fed this idea that there is such a thing as a soulmate and that there is only one person for everyone.

You learn it from pop-culture, from religion and from other people who are also living in a state of delusion.

A lot of people live their whole lives this way, and never really go out there and see what’s what.

They end up marrying someone they grew up with, and their life of adventure in the dating scene ends before it really starts.

It’s a sad state of affairs and it all starts with the false notion that there is someone out there who was made just for you.

Aside from the sheer statistical probability that someone actually finds and meets the person they’re allegedly meant to be with being astronomically low, it’s also important to consider how damaging ideas like this can be for the average guy trying to figure out his love life.

Let’s say a guy starts gaming and up until then has never actually spoken to a new girl.

He goes out to a bar, meets one and is so overwhelmed by the experience that he starts dumping all of his effort into her.

There are two possible outcomes: they end up together which still leaves a lot to be explored as far as dating goes, or they don’t end up together and our horny hero gets his heartbroken.

He then spends months lamenting over what he did wrong.

Maybe he even starts sending her texts and emails trying to get her back, all because he felt in his heart of hearts, that she was the one.

The truth is that it’s easy to think a girl is the one when you’ve only talked to two or three girls in your whole life.

When your experience level is low, every opportunity seems like it might be your last, and meeting a girl causes you to assume you’ll never meet another one like her.

This just isn’t the case.

It may be true that you’ll never meet a carbon copy of the girl you thought was perfect, but you’ll meet someone else who is equally as exciting, attractive and fun to be around if you just stop taking things so seriously.

The more women you meet, date and sleep with, the more experience and knowledge you’ll have when the time finally comes for you to decide you want a relationship.

Imagine being in a relationship and never having dated anyone else?

How are you supposed to know if you’re actually happy or even with the right person? How are you supposed to even know if the sex is good?

The idea of the one isn’t something that is pre-determined.

It’s something that two people develop over time.

Most think that relationships get more boring or tedious the longer they last, but in reality the longer you stay with a person, the more they become compatible with you, thus making them your “soulmate.”

You may date a girl and break up for any number of reasons, but if you stay together for a while, years even, then you can make a determination as to whether or not the two of you are actually made for each other.

It’s a natural byproduct of spending large amounts of time with a person. To say that two people are supposed to be together before they’ve actually been together is just illogical.

To meet a girl, go on a few dates, and then assume that she’s the only person you’ll ever have anything meaningful with is also needy and will actually make you seem less attractive to her.

It’s a dead giveaway that you don’t have much experience dating and will make her think that you’re not really such great relationship material.

Even if there is a possibility of you two winding up together, acting like she’s your entire universe will almost always push her away.

Life isn’t a Disney movie, and no amount of self-effacing, romantic pleas to win her affection will change her mind.

Let’s say for argument’s sake that you really do believe that you and some chick were meant to be together.

If that’s actually how you feel, here’s what you need to do: absolutely nothing. Keep those feelings to yourself, and don’t say a word about it to her.

Just keep showing up on dates, being fun and charming, and never reveal that you have high hopes for her.

It’s a double-standard, but women usually don’t prefer a man to wear his heart on his sleeve. They expect to chase him, to try to win him over—not the other way around.

Keeping your feelings to yourself is not a form of psychological manipulation or a strategy to appear as if you have high value; it’s a way of keeping things exciting and also not letting yourself appear desperate.

Girls like to feel like a relationship is evolving on its own not like they’re being dragged into one by a clinger.

Not buying into the whole “she’s the one” thing is also helpful when a relationship ends.

There is absolutely no reason to wallow after a girl decides she’s not into it anymore.

Why? Because there are literally billions of others for you to talk to. But if you don’t believe that, it’ll be a lot harder to move on when things go sour.

The important thing is to appreciate the time you spend with women without getting greedy about or dependent on them for your happiness.

Don’t ever fall into a scenario where you feel as if her leaving you would leave you in shambles.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve been dating two weeks, two years, or you’re about to get married.

Always keep in mind that if things don’t work out, you can start fresh with someone else.

You have the skills, and while she might be a lot of fun right now, it doesn’t mean that the rest of the pool isn’t worth exploring.

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Christopher Gramuglia

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Chris is a personal trainer and graduate student of creative writing. He recently completed writing a fantasy novel that he hopes to turn into a trilogy, but also writes about topics like dating, fitness and what it means to be a man in the twenty-first century.

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  • cornishfaerie

    Absolute rubbish. I’m not saying that you don’t have any valid arguments but the reality is it happens and I’ve witnessed it and in a sense experienced it (complicated, not going to get into other than say distance and illness). How did I witness it? My grandparents have been married for almost 75 years. And during that time they were separated by a certain war. And they stayed in touch and became closer for it. And my grandmother’s parents were married for over 60 years until my great grandfather died in the early 1990s. And their parents. And my grandfather’s parents were also married for decades. And I know of others in their area who have similar. It does happen!

    Just because odds are low doesn’t mean they aren’t possible. And just because you believe that you can’t find someone who is absolutely perfect for you (and they feel the same way) doesn’t mean others should believe it. You should work with what you’re given but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try to find the person who is the most perfect for you (else you settle leading to hurt and frustration and all sorts of negative emotion) including being open to the possibility that there is someone absolutely perfect (even if you don’t find them it doesn’t mean they don’t exist!). This idea that there is no such thing as a soulmate could discourage people: it’s fine to be realistic but being realistic includes all possibilities even those extremely unlikely. Never is a powerful word and if you believe something will never happen to you then it really won’t as long as you buy into that with full conviction.

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