Whether they admit it or not, a picture perfect first date for most men always ends with a night cap. I’m not going to go as far as to say it’s the ultimate goal, but it’s an option where if provided more men would accept than not.
Now, I’m not shaming the first date champions, hooking up is their prerogative and as long as everything is consensual I have no problem with it.
However, I am challenging us to stop for a moment to think about the advantages of turning down sex on the first night.
When you think about the nature of a date, principally if it’s someone you genuinely see a future with, it’s your first impression.
You could be playing the long game for months on end — weeding through the passive aggressive and annoyingly ambiguous text messages, flirting, asking her out– so the stakes are high when she’s finally in front of you.
This is why you should do what every other man in your shoes wouldn’t: skip the first night hookup.
As insane and counter-intuitive as no sex on the first date sounds, passing up physical intimacy actually works in your favor.
It puts less pressure on date night, it allows you to focus on her (and not her 50/50 decision at the end of the night), and it puts you in the driver’s seat of the relationship, especially if she invited you upstairs.
We all know what happens when she offers for you to stay over. What you don’t know; however, are the possibilities of saying no.
You Gain Control
Not that having “control” should be a priority in relationships; dating is not a game of one-upping one another, but when you, as a man, make a woman wait when all signs are suggesting it’s yours to lose, it puts the dynamics of the relationship in your court.
You gain control by not pursuing her for two reasons.
The first reason turning down sex gives you control is because it’ll be the last thing she expects. Like I said, most men when given all the green lights, will move in for the kill.
So when she is super touchy and gets aggressive in the make-out session only to find out that you’re “tired” and that you “can’t wait to see her next time” she’ll have no clue what’s going on.
Mystery is always good because it keeps you interesting, not to mention it makes you unpredictable.
The second reason turning down sex gives you control because it makes her respect you.
Not that respect directly translates to control, but a woman who respects you is more likely to be herself and open up around you. It certainly makes her more likely to trust you.
Less Pressure on The First Date
A big reason the first date is associated with so much anxiety is because we want them to like us. We want them to buy into who we are, we want them to think we’re the best option available.
Because so many of us hinge the success and failure of the night based on how the night ends, we spend the majority of our effort trying not to ‘mess it up for ourselves.’
When we stop worrying about sex, we’ll relax more, have a more natural conversation, and we’ll even be more open in to seeing who she is, rather than who we imagine her to be.
Next time you are going on a date with someone for the first time, take the option of hooking up off the table completely. Notice how much calmer, more confident, and relaxed you are.
Lets You Focus On Her
If we’re not careful testosterone can make us one track minded, even with the purest intentions at heart.
But when you make up in your mind that all late night visits will be on hold for the evening, it will help you focus on more than just how she looks, but on who she is.
Women don’t make it easy for us either. On first dates, just like we’re trying our hardest to make sure we’re all that and a bag of chips, they are there, looking like everything we could have ever imagined… except better.
But when you’re not worried about being curved or making such a strong a connection that she’ll feel comfortable enough to be intimate with you, you’ll have more liberty to touch on topics you may have previous avoided.
If you like watching her squirm or live in complete and utter confusion, you may continue to hold out on sex, but ultimately it’s up to you.
Sex is powerful. It’s powerful even when it’s withheld. Utilize your assets to their full ability by being selective about their accessibility, then see how their value rises.