The best way to address the issues we come across in life is an attitude of prevention as opposed to one of reaction. Still, in order to do so, we must have some idea of the issues that may lie ahead.
This is the case in relationships.
When we make the decision to enter a relationship with someone, the redeemable qualities about them usually stand out in the beginning: her bronze skin, her big eyes, her infectious smile, her surprisingly relatable sense of humor.
But attraction and the puppy love stage will fade after awhile and behind the drapes of love lies the reality of in-laws, different cleaning standards, and the inevitable arguments.
So it’s up to us to be proactive about the plausible hurdles that could be headed our way. Everyone is different. And as unique individuals who date and are engaged with other unique individuals, it’s impossible to come up with an overlaying rubric that will answer all of men’s relational and romantic misgivings.
However, I’ve pointed out some pretty common ones, that, if you can avoid, will put you a step ahead of the game no matter who you are or who you decide to play the dangerous game of love with.
Here are my top five.
This has been an issue that’s reared its ugly head in relationships since the days of the cavemen. Men love variety. Always have, always will. Even more so than getting bored, it’s just that we want every good thing we see.
It was rumored that Jay-Z cheated on Beyonce. BEYONCE! does that mean the Queen is any less attractive? No, not at all.
But there are Eva Longoria’s, Jennifer Lopez’s and Halle Berry’s out there, meaning it’s not exactly the easiest to keep your eyes where they belong.
It’s a matter of readjusting your eyes to what you’re looking at to regain an appreciation of what you have.
After the mystery is gone, so goes some of the attraction. It’s not that we don’t care, it’s just that we love variety.
So what’s the solution? Mix it up. Throw curveballs at each other, shake up the routine, make it always feel like she’s the one you’re chasing, even after you have her, and that means keeping it sexy and mysterious at all times.
There is an old adage that sex is best before commitment and even better immediately after the breakup. But why does it have to plateau in the middle?
When we get into the swing of our lives it’s good. We have a system that works: gym, work, downtime with our love, sleep, then back at it in the morning.
While consistency and discipline are perfect for a structural lifestyle, it’s important that we make sure the one, possibly spiciest part of our relationship stays clears from structure as possible — and that’s sex.
Sex is a crucial part of a relationship. It needs to be spontaneous, exciting, regular, and fun. You know why she’s eyeing the gardener or why you have this insatiable urge to bone your secretary? It’s because you’ve let your sex life go dry.
Every go at it should be exciting. Mix it up, take risk, ask if you’re meeting her personal needs, and be humble enough to take her tips if you’re not.
If love is the fuel to the car that is a relationship, the engine is sex and we all know what happens if that goes to shit.
Communication is the one thing everyone swears up and down they have under control.
Because it’s something that we all do every day, both verbally and nonverbally, we assume that it’s an aspect of the relationship we don’t have to worry about. And boy, are we wrong.
When we secure the woman we’re actively pursuing, we tend to abandon all the communication cues and detail that we exercised in the pursuit, but in all honesty that’s when our communication should pick up.
It can seem impossible at times to communicate freely and honestly without feeling like we’re going to step on toes, offend, or because we’re weary of starting a fight, we don’t always say what we mean or mean what we say, as opposed to the courting stage where there are no fight or disagreements, just bubbly conversation.
At times we’ll give up and don’t try at all and other times, after too many clashes, we’ll just agreeing to avoid a scrimmage.
Before we enter a relationship, if we remember to learn how to communicate well with our partner through disagreements in a respectful manner, it will be easier to get back in the coordinating wavelengths.
Integrity is everything. But you knew that before you got into a relationship. It doesn’t take a Dr. Phil or a love guru to tell you the importance of being honest.
However, it’s something that we tend to fail to maintain once we finally enter the arena of mutual exclusivity.
We struggle with honesty at times for several reasons; fear of being judged, shame, guilt, or because we fret what reaction she may have. But instead of letting that get in the way of being honest, we should jump on top of those feelings and address them head on.
The pressure to ‘be a man’ sometimes can hold us from expressing our vulnerability and makes us hide things that are unnecessary to hide, like money issues or losing a job.
Or if we have an innocent relationship with a woman, we may be inclined to hide it, not because we’re cheating, but because we think she may take it the wrong way.
Our job isn’t to base our actions on what she might think, but on the trust that she is with us, as we are with her, in every situation.
Probably the most crippling hit a relationship can take is insecurity. It should be something you extract from your life way before getting into a relationship and is an element that, if you’re not on top of it, will ruin your union and it will all be your fault.
If we’re insecure in how we look, we’ll be jealous of every good looking guy she comes in contact with.
If we’re insecure about our financial situation, we’ll take that frustration out on date nights we’ll be bitter toward our inability to provide and so on and so on. Unfortunately, these are the very things that push women away.
Women like confidence. They want to be with someone who is trustworthy and secure enough to let them have guy friends, and to go out with their girls, and don’t police what their girl wears outside.
If you’re honest about the way you’re feeling, because insecurities can arise at anytime, she’ll more likely understand than not.
The moment you let self-doubt spill into the relationship is the moment you jeopardize the relationship itself.
If you can master these five problems before they become problems, you’ll be a step ahead of the game.
But whether these are issues that you face or not, it’s important to evaluate yourself to the point where you can address any roadblock before actually facing it.