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Don’t Reject Yourself: How To Avoid Self-Sabotage With Women

Don’t Reject Yourself: How To Avoid Self-Sabotage With Women

BY Christopher Gramuglia

Don’t Reject Yourself: How To Avoid Self-Sabotage With Women

The worst thing you can do when you’re talking to a girl is take yourself out of the game.

It’s one thing if she rejects you—she has that right, as do all women—but when you reject yourself before the conversation is really over, you’re only hurting yourself.

Too many guys turn and walk away at the first sign that things aren’t going as smoothly as they planned.

Maybe she didn’t laugh at your joke, or she rolled her eyes; it doesn’t matter! You have just keep going until she explicitly says, “I’m not interested.” Then you can move on.

This doesn’t mean that it’s okay to harass women that you’re trying to attract. It means that quitting before you know for sure she’s not into it is not an option.

A lot of the time, girls are just mean or standoffish as a way of seeing how much you can put up with before your ego gets damaged and you walk away.

In a way, a girl making a snotty comment about you as you try to pick her up is a way of testing what kind of guy you are.

There’s a difference between a test and a girl clearly stating that she is not interested in whatever it is you’re dishing out.

Knowing the difference and sticking to your guns will pay off immeasurably and land you hotter girls in the long run.

Why? Because hotter girls like to test guys the most. They have to as a way of weeding out the losers who don’t stand a chance with them.

If she insults you or says something negative, it’s just her way of sizing you up. Until she tells you to walk away, you have to stay on your toes and jump over each of her little psychological hurdles.

Leaving the situation out of panic, anxiety or fear that she’ll reject you, without her having actually done so, is a cowardly move, and leaves a lot behind as far as pick up goes.

Guys that know about girls and their tests, hang around because they know that’s what the girl really wants.

She wants to see that you’re invulnerable to her and that you’re confident enough to not let a childish little insult bother you.

Hot girls know they’re intimidating, but deep down aren’t different from anyone else. They want a fun guy to date, good sex and someone they can depend on.

The problem is they can’t just ask a guy if he can give her all those things so they come up with ways to see if he’s the real deal.

No one tells you this growing up, but whenever a girl gives you shit, she’s really just flirting with you.

So what do you do? How do you identify the difference between a girl who’s just trying to figure out who you are or a girl who didn’t come out to be picked up that night?

The truth is there isn’t really a hard and fast way to know this up front, but you can figure it out if you just pay attention.

If you approach and she actually answers you with something other than a request for you to go away, you’re still okay. It doesn’t matter if it’s an insult or something nice.

At this point, you just have to keep the conversation moving and be on constant guard for more of these little jabs. The way you respond is key.

If she sees that she’s getting to you, she’ll find it unattractive and you’ll slowly start to fail in her eyes.

She’ll assume you’re sensitive and not invulnerable emotionally—two traits that don’t exactly make girls want to jump into bed with you.

If you interpret everything she says as non-serious and throw a few mild, flirtatious insults back at her, she’ll see that you’ve been through this before, you know the game, and that you’re strong enough to take whatever she can cook up.

The only time it’s ever okay to leave in the middle of a pickup is if she asks you to.

If a girl looks you dead in the eye and says, “Listen, I’m not interested, please leave me alone,” then it’s time to go.

This isn’t a test of any kind. For whatever reason, she’s not into it, but that’s okay. Ideally, you’re in a bar, and there are dozens of other options.

The last thing you want to be is the guy that follows a girl around all night.

If a girl tells you she’s not interested, hanging around will only plunge you further into a place of contempt in her mind.

You’ll come off as creepy, probably ruin her night and worst of all, you’ll get no closer to getting her to want to give you her number.

The best thing for you to do is let her see you with another girl.

She may not come running over and start a chick fight with your new friend (although, wouldn’t it be great if she did?), but she’ll at least see that she might have missed out by rejecting you.

Who knows, she may come back at some point and give you another shot. Just for the love of God, don’t hover around her once she says no.

The idea here is to stay in a pickup as long as you can without ever disqualifying yourself.

If she’s going to reject you, let her do it, but don’t reject yourself because of some harmless little insult she throws your way.

The longer you go out and the more girls you talk to, the more you’ll start to see that an attitude or even a resting bitch face is just a pre-planned obstacle designed for you to overcome.

Picking up a hot girl, whether you like it or not, is a competition, and breaking down her walls is just one part of it.

So, when you get to that point with her where other more fragile guys have failed, just remember: she’s doing it on purpose and deep down, she wants you to succeed.

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Christopher Gramuglia

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Chris is a writer, photographer and holds a master's degree in creative writing. He is working on a novel about dating in the digital age, and is an expert on topics like social dynamics and how to navigate the modern dating scene.

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