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Why You Should Quit Watching Porn And Talk To Real Women Instead

Why You Should Quit Watching Porn And Talk To Real Women Instead

BY Christopher Gramuglia

Why You Should Quit Watching Porn And Talk To Real Women Instead

There are a lot of things working against guys in the dating scene.

Unrealistic social expectations for how people should behave, bad advice and poor lifestyle choices are just a few, but there is a more insidious, seemingly harmless thing keeping men from, well, being men.

It seems innocuous at first because it isn’t necessarily part of a bad diet or a bad choice you’re making in game.

Some people might even argue that it’s normal and that partaking in it is a sign of good health. The truth is, this nasty habit is making guys dumb, lazy and terrible with women.

I’m talking about everyone’s late-night digital delicacy: porn.

Ever since the internet was sophisticated enough to handle media in the form of photos and videos, porn has been readily available to the average guy.

All he needs is an internet connection, a little shamelessness and some time to kill.

Logically, sex with an actual chick will always sound better and usually is, but the lower part of the brain—the one that forms habits and responds to pleasure—doesn’t know the difference.

Every time a guy watches a dirty movie on the internet, his brain thinks he’s having sex.

Okay, so what? Why does it matter? We’re wired to want to reproduce, so what difference does it make how many times the brain thinks the body is getting laid?

It actually makes a huge difference, because parts of your brain still think it’s the stone-age, and back then there was no internet porn.

You’d be lucky if you saw more than twenty women in your lifetime. This makes the readily available flurry of artificially-enhanced women a genuine overload for the mind.

Men aren’t built to see hundreds of women a day, but with internet porn, that kind of experience is only a few clicks away.

The effect is the same as drug use, in that the brain keeps looking for a higher and higher bar of stimulus to get the same effect.

Anyone who has struggled with addiction understands how, over time, the brain needs more and more to match that first high.

For example, the first time you watch it, it’s very intense, and your brain bathes in pleasure neurotransmitters, but soon you have to watch more and more for longer periods of time to get that same effect.

This can have absolutely disastrous effects on your game. Remember the first time you found yourself talking to an insanely hot girl in a bar?

Your heart was racing, you couldn’t stop checking her out and were doing everything you possibly could to attract her to you.

This is how things are supposed to happen, but watching porn reduces desire, and desensitizes the mind so that talking to a girl in a bar isn’t as gratifying.

Because of the speedy way with which we can access porn, we begin to view the entire process of attracting women as cumbersome, boring and not rewarding, when the reality is that it should be fun, thrilling and exciting.

Another issue that a lot of guys fail to realize is that porn is produced, edited and manufactured to look a certain way, a lot like any movie.

The problem is that actual sex is nothing like porn.

There are no lights, no crew, no color correction and the girl you’re with probably won’t be down to do any of that crazy shit you’ve seen on the internet.

And rightfully so. She’s a human being, and sex is just as much about her as it is about you.

In porn, the audience, generally, is men, so that scenes are structured to favor the man’s needs in favor of the woman’s.

If you approach sex that way, you probably won’t ever be invited back for round two.

Ask any guy who you believe to be good at game, and he’ll tell you porn isn’t a big part of his life.

He’s got enough women around him and is confident enough in his abilities to get laid or find a girlfriend, that it doesn’t appeal to him. Plus, not watching it is more of a motivation for him to go out and meet a real girl.

If porn is a habit for you, and you’re frustrated with your lack of success with women, try cutting back.

It’s going to be difficult at first because it’s a change. It’s something you’ve grown accustomed to that you now have to stop doing.

That sucks for kicking just about any habit, but you just have to decide what matters more.

After a week or so of leaving on the SafeSearch filter, you’ll start to feel differently. Your focus will return, and you’ll actually want to go out and meet real women.

You’ll notice them more too. Little things about them will start to seem attractive, and you won’t be in a rush to sleep with them.

The process itself will be a thrill, and when the sex does happen, it’ll be way better.

Take small steps in the beginning. If it’s something you do before you go to sleep, try and replace it with something else, or ween yourself off slowly.

Read something about game, or if it’s not too late, go out and work on your conversation skills.

The key is to replace the anti-social aspect of watching porn with something social and productive. Over time, you’ll have an entirely new, more positive habit.

Porn is one of those things that has a very subtle way of messing with our brains, but if you pay attention to yourself, and think about what your relationships with women were like before you started watching it, you’ll see how damaging it can be.

Be one of those guys that doesn’t need it. Close the laptop, go out and work on your game and you’ll be amazed at the results.

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Christopher Gramuglia

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Chris is a writer, photographer and holds a master's degree in creative writing. He is working on a novel about dating in the digital age, and is an expert on topics like social dynamics and how to navigate the modern dating scene.

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