Reigniting An Old Flame: Should You Reach Out To An Ex?

There are two schools of thought on reconnecting with an ex.
Some believe that a clean break is the best approach and that once you split, there’s no going back.
It makes things easier, quicker and maybe even a little less painful.
Others would say that it’s never a good idea to completely jettison someone from your life, in case you decided months or even a year down the road that you made a mistake and want to patch things up.
Both are logical, completely acceptable ways to view a breakup; it just depends on the circumstances.
If you’re at the end of the relationship and you absolutely cannot stand the girl, and she can’t stand you, a clean break is probably easier, preferred and will most likely happen naturally.
It’s nothing to feel bad about; not every relationship—in fact, most—will not work out, so it shouldn’t be something to get stressed over.
Plus, if it really wasn’t meant to be, you probably won’t feel the need to dwell on it much once you part ways.
But what about the other scenario? What do you do if you break up for some unforeseen circumstance or a reason that stands apart from not just liking each other?
What if you just get into a massive fight, say things that you don’t mean and then in a fit of anger break up?
Or maybe one of you gets a job halfway across the country, and the long-distance thing just doesn’t work out.
It could just be that your lives are not completely aligned at the moment, but you both still really care about each other.
This is probably the most painful kind of break up.
When a guy and girl split for some other reason than simply not liking each other anymore, it’s a bummer for both, but life is long and nothing is truly set in stone.
As a guy, you have to wonder if it’s okay to reach out to an ex and if it is how you should go about doing it.
The answer is that it depends on how things ended, and what you’re hoping to get out of sending that text or making that phone call.
If she broke up with you and made it clear that she doesn’t ever want to speak to you again, then you probably shouldn’t waste your time.
However, if things were ambiguous during the split, and you get the impression that maybe she still thinks about you, you can and should reach out.
Both guys and girls don’t always make the right decisions at the end of a relationship and it’s better to know for certain than to always wonder if you could have patched things up.
It’s an unfortunate truth about our generation, but social media can tell us tons about what someone is thinking before we even talk to them.
You don’t want to turn into a cyber-stalker, but if she’s made contact in some small way, or she posts something that is reminiscent of your time together, she probably wants you to say something.
It’s not a guarantee that she wants to jump back into bed with you and get married, but it could be her way of wondering what you’re up to without taking a full step toward contacting you.
It may seem counterintuitive, but even a negative post that has echoes of your relationship could mean something.
Girls have a way of getting our attention, while also protecting themselves from being vulnerable, and a negative social media post months or even a year down the road could mean she’s still thinking about you.
The fact is the opposite of affection is not dislike. It’s apathy.
If you stumble upon her Facebook profile and she’s dating someone new, living a completely separate life from the one she had with you, chances are she’s over it and doesn’t want to hear from you again.
Social media can be immature, but if you’re thinking about reaching out to an ex, it’s worth taking into consideration.
So, once you’ve decided that you won’t get completely shot down, how do you make contact? The best way is to choose the type of communication you used while dating.
If you and your ex used to text a lot, send a text. If you were more into actual phone calls, give her a call like you used to.
The point is to remind her of good times or bring her back to the time in her life when you were a part of it.
Seeing your name pop up on her phone (if your number is still in there) will almost instantly remind her of spending time with you, and if things were good, it’ll help you get off to a good start when you try to re-connect.
Try to avoid non-committal or half-assed ways of reaching out: no DM’s, passive Facebook likes or Instagram tagging. It’s insincere, and she may just interpret it as annoying.
If you want to talk to her, you need to actually do it, and not skirt the issue by passively appearing back in her life.
You may want her, and she may secretly want you too, but she almost definitely wants you to be a man about it and tell her directly.
Of course, you shouldn’t start with some long monologue about how much you miss her; no one likes melodrama.
You could start with something that happened that reminded you of her, and then ease into a conversation about how she’s doing and what she’s up to.
Don’t expect to patch things up with one phone call or a few texts either.
She may know you from the past, but getting her back will take almost as much time and attentiveness as getting her in the first place.
You will literally have to date your ex again and go through almost every step that you would with a completely new girl.
You have a slight advantage but still shouldn’t expect for things to be easy.
After all, you broke up, and she’s going to want you to prove to her why you should still be together.
If you’re considering reaching out to an ex, just make sure you think about it first.
Decide ahead of time if it’s the right decision or if it’s just driven by some fleeting loneliness.
If you really feel that you can successfully patch things up then go for it.
It’s better to take a chance than to live the rest of your life wondering.