Forget About Her Insecurities: How To Build Attraction Like A Man
For a while, the status quo in game was to look for ways to make a girl feel insecure while also raising your own value through conversation or displays of social value.
The idea for the man was to very subtly point out her flaws while highlighting his own strengths so that the playing field evens out and he has a chance.
It involved backhanded compliments, blatant insults, and exuding a vibe of disinterest in order to get her to chase you, or seek your approval.
The biggest defense of this type of game is that it’s not manipulation, it’s flirting.
A move like telling a girl that she’s not your type, while purposely hitting on other girls in front of her, was considered courtship for a very long time, and guys who did it will still defend these moves to the death.
The problem with the whole “build yourself up and knock her down” mentality that not many people are aware of is that it was invented by nerds who were trying to wage a war on women.
The pick-up community has been around since the nineties, but for the first fifteen or so years, it was made up of shy introverts who felt that the only way they could get laid was through psychological manipulation or cutting women down emotionally.
It’s not flirting. It’s devious, cowardly and a little insecure in and of itself.
Maybe it worked for a while and got a couple of dudes a few one night stands in 2005 that they still talk about today, but you can rest assured that very few of them have girlfriends or have ever known what it’s like to actually be in a committed relationship.
Demonstrating your value and lowering hers is the equivalent of a cheap parlor trick, and might get you laid once in a while, but real game—the kind that actual men practice—doesn’t rely on gimmicks or pop psychology.
To assume that you have to bring a girl down to your level presupposes from the very beginning that you aren’t good enough.
It’s a bad place to start when you’re talking to a woman and creates a lot of mental clutter that you don’t need during pickup.
It also leaves a ton of potential for things to go horribly wrong.
How are you supposed to know when you’ve pushed her too far, or when your backhanded compliments actually hurt her feelings and do nothing but make her think you’re an asshole?
To me, the whole thing is messy, potentially hurtful and makes you seem like the insecure one, rather than the chick.
I know. You read The Game and The Mystery Method and don’t want to let old habits die, but the truth is you don’t have to resort to dated theories popularized by guys that don’t even use them anymore.
Foundationally, maybe, “negging” and demonstrations of higher value were a good set of training wheels for guys who were dropping into the red when it came to confidence, but for long-term success in dating or relationships, they just aren’t cutting it anymore.
There are newer, better strategies you can use to appear more attractive to women, that don’t force you to compromise who you are as a man, or make you feel the need to put other people down.
The first one and possibly the most important is to assume from the very beginning that the two of you are already equal.
Coming from a place where you feel like you have to bring a girl down by making her insecure will only highlight your own shortcomings and insecurities.
There’s no reason to bring that stuff into a social interaction because it only gets in the way of what’s supposed to happen: two people getting to know each other.
Everyone is insecure about something—it’s part of life—but using those things against a person to get them to like you is not a foundation for a good relationship or even a fling.
It makes things uneven, superficial and not really all that fun.
No one really wants to be in a romantic situation where the other person offers them unrequited worship.
Real men prefer to be with a woman who is as much a friend as a girlfriend or lover.
Trying to turn her into a libidinous mess who is constantly at your beck and call, is a sign of massive insecurity, and is a dynamic that died in the fifties.
When you approach a woman, don’t concern yourself with her value relative to yours, or look for reasons to make her self-conscious. Just talk to her.
Get to know her and see where it goes. You don’t have to force flirting; it’s built into all of us. Your dad did it, and his dad did it too.
That’s true because, well, you’re here reading this. You just have to go out and be flowing, relaxed and not view pick up as a war between the sexes. It isn’t.
You’re trying to get laid or find a date, not enter into some weird power struggle between men and women.
However, there is a fine line between dominating the mental frame in a social interaction and being a pushover.
You can still display confidence and attractiveness without feeling the need to mentally or psychologically overpower the girl you’re talking to.
In fact, you should strive to be as confident and flowing as possible, but this is something you should do independent of your perception of her.
The biggest mistake you can make is to assume that your current approach somehow matters more than the last one, or the next one.
Your game should be focused on showing her who you are, while also getting to know her.
That’s it. There is no winning her over, or trying to make yourself into some kind of unattainable God.
You already are, and you don’t need to put her down for her to see it.
If she’s smart, she’ll realize it all on her own.