Open relationships are more common nowadays than they’ve ever been.
Or maybe they’ve always been around, and people are just more honest about being a part of one.
Either way, the old idea that a guy and a girl have to be either exclusive or nothing at all, is pretty much dead, and more and more people in their mid to late twenties are involved in these quasi-relationships.
There are different agreements and boundaries in each one, but generally, if you’re seeing a girl long-term and occasionally sleep with them, but aren’t exclusive, you’re in an open relationship.
If that doesn’t float your boat, you have two choices: learn to deal with it, or get out of the relationship. But maybe you’re cool with it.
Maybe the open relationship idea feels more realistic to you, so you go with it.
Believe it or not, there are still unwritten rules to this kind of thing, and ones that are especially important for the guy to follow.
Here’s an anecdote from the author: I’ve been sleeping with this girl.
It’s fun, non-serious and while there is an emotional connection, there is no hard and fast relationship on the horizon for either of us.
This past weekend, I invited her to come out with my friends and I to watch us game other chicks.
She expressed some interest so I figured she’d get a kick out of it and wouldn’t be jealous. So, we all head out to a bar and my wing and I start approaching.
We get so deep into one conversation with a bridal party that I lose track of her for a bit. A few minutes later, I spy her making out with a guy near the bar.
I knew I had two options: I could have gone apeshit (literally) and beat my chest before knocking the guy out, or I could have just laughed and opened a new group of girls with my wing.
A friend of mine suggested I abandon her and we all leave the bar because what she did was disrespectful.
The reality was that it didn’t bother me in the slightest. I was doing my thing, and she was doing hers. It doesn’t matter that we came together or that I’ve been sleeping with her.
It’s a type of relationship, sure, but not the kind that gives me free reign to decide who she can talk to at a bar.
It’s a tricky place emotionally, but as a guy, you have to always be able to keep yourself in check.
It’s easy to agree with the idea of an open relationship, but it’s an entirely different situation when you see it play out.
It’s totally normal to have feelings for a girl, but if the agreement is that you are allowed to sleep with other people, you have to accept it.
The only unfortunate thing is that it will always be easier for a girl to meet someone than a guy, so she will have more opportunities no matter what, but like any form of game, you can outdo those other guys that approach her if you want.
And the key to doing so is to project that you don’t give a rat’s ass.
You may have given her permission to hook up with other guys, but if she doesn’t want to because you’re that much better, more attractive and charming than they are, it really doesn’t matter.
She’ll have the option, but if you’ve gamed her well, she’ll very rarely take action on it.
In my case, the girl I’m seeing made out with a guy, but as soon as he got creepy she came running back to me.
When she told me what happened, I laughed in her face and told her to make out with better guys. The idea is to circumvent the idea of an open relationship by eliminating the desire altogether.
If a girl feels fulfilled by you she may consider other guys because you’ve given her permission, but she’ll rarely act on it.
Why would she? If she has fun with you, the sex is good and her romantic needs are taken care of by a high-caliber guy, going after someone else is a waste of time and energy.
And if it does happen, you have to be able to deal with it.
If you absolutely can’t stand the sight of her with another guy, it’s time to re-evaluate the open terms of your relationship.
Just be careful, and try not to come off as needy or possessive. Have a talk. Tell her your feelings have changed.
She’ll appreciate your honesty a lot more than passive-aggressiveness or unwarranted rudeness to her because of what she did.
Personally, I’d act like my own emotions were betraying me and say something like, “I didn’t think it would, but watching you make out with that other guy actually did bother me.”
It’s a simple phrase, but it’s honest, and it shows that things might have changed.
Again, it isn’t the best idea to start getting mushy in an open relationship, but if you really are bothered by it, it’s worth a shot.
Emotions, especially ones like love, are complicated and damn near impossible to quantify or explain.
Plenty of people are able to separate love from sex, and there are tons of very happy open relationships. It’s worth a shot if you haven’t done it already.
And don’t forget, it goes both ways. If you’re reading this, you probably have some idea of how to pick up women, so exercise your right if you have an open arrangement.
Feel things out, communicate with the girl you’re dating, and make sure the two of you are always in agreement on the terms of your relationship.
If things change, talk about it. Above all else, always be a little bit better than the rest of the guys in the room.
Things may happen and she may have her fun, but ultimately she’ll come running back to you.