Focus On Her: Why Listening Is The Most Important Part Of Sex
When it comes to sex advice, the usual talk is all about some epic “move,” some contorted position, or even just having a huge dick.
In reality, the real thing you need is the ability to listen during sex.
Listening During Sex? That Sounds Dumb
Jeez, I was hoping for a little warmer of a response, but I hear ya. Listening during sex sounds weird and sounds like a lot of work.
It is neither.
You see, sex is cause and effect. You do something that she likes, and she responds in a positive way. Do something that she doesn’t like, and she doesn’t respond — or if it’s something she really doesn’t like, maybe she responds negatively.
Ignore these signs at your own peril.
The single most important thing you can do during sex is to hone in on these responses.
Think of your partner as your roadmap. If you drove across the country, would you just stomp on the gas pedal and go in the direction that you felt was correct, or would you occasionally look at your GPS or a map to make sure?
Ignore doing the latter and you risk ending up lost in the middle of nowhere and having to pull off the highway and stay the night in a sketchy motel in which you are inevitably murdered.
An overstatement? Perhaps, but this analogy rings true for your sex life. Ignore the signs she is giving you, and you run the risk of her just waiting for the whole thing to be over — soul-crushing for all involved.
How To Listen During Sex
All right, so we’ve established that failing to listen can have dire consequences, but where do you start? Do you just have her fill out a questionnaire or something?
First off, no.
Secondly, just put your focus on her. Tune into her and her body. Again, sex is cause and effect. You pinch, and she says ouch, except that you’re not pinching, and you hope that she’s saying the opposite of ouch (unless you two are into that kind of thing).
The key here is to pay attention to her and her body. When you do something, whether it’s a position, a change in speed, pressure, depth, etc., what does she do?
Does she turn into you? Does her body relax? Is her breathing getting more rapid? Is she saying heinous and unrepeatable things?
If so, then good work. You’re on the right track. Follow this path a little longer and see where it leads.
Conversely, are her muscles tightening up (exception being an orgasm)? Is she subtly turning away from you or squirming? Has she just gone kind of quiet? Do her vocals feel more like a “performance” than genuine pleasure?
These are signs that you’ve wandered off the path. Try something new.
Here’s the thing, though: If this woman likes you, chances are that the signs of lack of pleasure will be difficult to read. You see, she might be trying to mask those signs to make you feel like everything is great.
That makes listening during sex even more crucial because you’re going to have to read between the lines and tell if she’s really getting something out of this or if she’s just kinda humoring you.
Let Her Take Control For A Bit
This is generally a good idea anyway, but especially if you’re having trouble figuring out what she wants. Let her get on top, and she’ll just freakin’ show you.
While on top, she can control the depth, angle, and speed — and she’ll do what feels best for her. Pay attention to these things to get a sense of what she likes.
When you’re in control again, experiment with that same thing now that you have a better idea of what she wants. Or, just ride out this position and see where it leads.
Make Pleasing Her Something That Pleases You
Sex is a game, and often times people play it wrong. Instead of focusing on ways to make you feel good, focus on ways to make her feel good.
You’ll find that this level of selflessness is not only heroic, but it also gives you an entirely new kind of pleasure that maybe you didn’t realize existed before.
There’s the old adage that it’s “better to give than receive.” I’m pretty sure that’s about gifting, but it applies to sex, too.
Receiving pleasure is awesome and certainly not to be discounted, but giving Just go into your next encounter with this mindset and see what happens.