There’s this girl I’ve sort of had my eye on for a few months now. She’s about my age, pretty, smart, funny. Great girlfriend material — which let’s be honest, isn’t always the easiest thing to find.
Not to go off on a tangent rant about how I see less and less women these days who would make good wives, great life partners… We can leave that for another article.
So as I was saying, met this great girl, but was careful about whether or not I wanted to move on my impulses. Why? Honestly?
Because I have so much going on in my life these days, barely able to keep my own shit together half the time, that giving someone a real shot seems exhausting.
I’m sure many of you reading this feel exactly the same way.
But we can’t just give up on love, on starting our own family, on arranging that part of our life that most of us will agree is most important: surrounding yourself with people that you love — people that love you right back.
It’s easy to get caught up in the whirlwind that is life, focusing on putting out fires rather than focusing on our growth as individuals. But we have to have the discipline to push ourselves back on track when we catch ourselves veering.
The reason I mention all this is because one of the most important things when it comes to kissing — especially when we’re talking about that first kiss — is the reason behind it. Sounds so simple that it’s kind of stupid, no?
But when’s the last time you really considered why it is that you want to kiss a woman?
When you were a kid, I’m sure that kissing girls was all that was on your mind. And I’m sure you had great reasons for it — that’s before puberty fully kicked in and your real reasons for kissing was to get laid.
The first kiss is incredibly important because it tells a woman exactly what your intentions are, without you having to outline them for her. Women are smart like that.
How aggressive the kiss is, how delicate, how long it lasts, your body positions, your hand movements, all the little things that guys usually don’t think about, women tend to notice in a heartbeat.
So before you go in for that kiss, figure out why it is that you want to kiss her. If it’s just to get her into bed, she’ll know — and that may be entirely okay with her. If it’s because you’re into her and want to get to know her better, than kiss her just like that.
If it’s because you’re really into her and feel that the two of you have incredible chemistry, believe me… the kiss will reflect just that. You really shouldn’t worry so much about the mechanics of the kiss itself, but it’s purpose — the meaning behind it.
Each kiss tells a story. What story will you be telling?
Once you understand the purpose behind the kiss — what your intentions truly are — the question is: how do you actually land that kiss? Well again, that depends.
No two kisses are ever the same, because no two people, not two situations, no two opportunities are the same.
So instead of coming up with the perfect plan, the place and time, thinking about each step in the dance, focus on being in the moment and just going with it.
If there is anything a woman looks for in a kiss, it’s how natural it is. Not just for her, but for the both of you. It’s incredibly easy to tell when a kiss is forced or preplanned. Which, mind you, is unattractive. Albeit, some women may find it cute that you went through all the trouble to plan everything.
I don’t know about you though… but if I’m going to kiss a woman for the first time, cute isn’t exactly what I’m going for (not to say that a little cuteness can’t go a long way).
If my intentions are to see this woman again so that we can honestly get to know each other better, more intimately even, then I want to make sure she remembers our first kiss.
I want to be sure that it isn’t planned, that it isn’t the cookie-cutter kiss that she’s used to. And believe it or not, it’s actually a lot easier than you might think. All you have to do is focus on the moment.
Focus on her, on the two of you there in that very moment, in that very place, and just take a deep breathe. Exhale and absorb your surroundings. Absorb that look in her eyes.
Absorb that feeling of the moment slowing down those racing thoughts of yours, and just allow yourself to be present.
Be present with her because that is the first distinguishing factor between a person you could never be with, and a person you may really have a shot with.
Being present in the moment is crucial to any relationship. Hell, it’s crucial to living life itself. You may not think about this much, but being present in the moment is the only way magic happens.
Think back to all those moments in your life, whether moments with your past lovers or other, moments that you can picture so clearly in your mind, that it feels as if they only happened yesterday.
What do all those moment have in common? Your complete and utter attention, your full mental presence.
If you want that kiss to be one that she’ll never forget, you have to be entirely in the moment. Because if you’re not in the moment, it doesn’t matter whether or not she is.
It’s only when two people are there with each other, activating all five of their senses, that those magic little moments happen. If you’re both there in the moment, trust that the moment will bring rise to the perfect opportunity.
Life will guide your hand if you’re present enough to see the opportunities.
It’s funny, but that’s really all there is to it. You don’t need a guide on how to set up the perfect situation, or how to con her into kissing you. You don’t need any of that garbage just like you don’t need another kiss with the wrong woman.
If you do your best to be in the moment, but the situation feels unnatural, take it as a sign that you two don’t have the right chemistry.
Because the truth is that if you do have the right chemistry, all you need to do is slow down and take in all that is happening around you. The sights. The smells. The tastes. The way your feet feel planted on the ground.
Be in the moment and the right reason to kiss her will present itself. Once you have the moment and the reason, the rest will take care of itself.
Hell, if you do it right, you may not even need to make the first move.