Stripped down to the most basic rudimentary level, the interactions between sexes are: boy meets girl, boy sees girl, boy likes girl.
Of course, countless outside factors like if she likes you back or if you two are too good of friends invariably get in the way, but on the most fundamental level, we can’t help who we’re attracted to.
I don’t have enough fingers to count how many times unexpected attractions have grown from nothing more than innocent time spent together.
With intentions of just being there for an individual you care deeply about, when you two are of the opposite sex, it’s quite natural for feelings to grow.
There are many cases even when either you or her give off naturally “flirty” vibes. Have you ever had a very flirty interaction with someone who is a part of your personal morning routine — like a barista or front desk clerk — only to find out that she “has a boyfriend”?
Or maybe it’s a co-worker that you’ve taken a liking to, but surprisingly, after doing some recon work, you find out that she’s been in a committed relationship for years now.
The mixed signals can be annoying, right? And you know you’re not crazy, you know that there is something there. So what do you do?
Liking a woman who is in a relationship is a delicate matter indeed. There are cases where she may be in a failing relationship and is looking for a lifeline.
Or possibly, the situation could be that she is in a dead relationship already and is just waiting for the right time to leave.
She maybe didn’t even plan to be attracted to you and now she’s in a predicament where she has more on her plate than she planned.
These are situations that all men have found themselves in at least some capacity. So how to navigate such situations while maintaining the most integrity as possible?
I thought you’d never ask.
Let Her Know
The first and most important thing to do when you find yourself falling for a woman who is taken is to let her know. Disclosing how you feel when flirting has been the only indication of attraction is good for two reasons.
Firstly, telling her how you feel is important because it allows you to read her reaction.
Maybe she didn’t realize she was flirting with you or because she “flirts with everyone” she didn’t expect you to think anything of it. Clearing the air and getting how you feel off your chest not only shows that you have the utmost respect for her and her situation, but it also gives you clarity on how to go forward.
In response, she will either confess mutual feelings, where you’ll be left with an entire set of different options or she’ll respect your forwardness and tell you the feelings aren’t reciprocated, where in which proper adjustments will be made to be respectful to her situation.
The second reason you want to reveal your feelings for her so that she will know that your intentions are pure. She’ll understand that you’re not there to try and ruin a good home but to genuinely inquire about a feeling you think may be mutual.
Again, an attraction is something out of our control. Telling her about the feelings you think may be there is not exactly intended to bring her and her significant other apart, but it’s to let her know that the closeness that you two have gained over time has reached a point of significance.
Be What She Needs
Sometimes when you end up crushing on someone that is taken, it means nothing more than bad timing.
The connection can be real, the laughs can be authentic and the love pure, but if she is with someone, your role may be nothing more than to be everything she needs at that time.
Never underestimate the power of being a gentleman. When most guys see a girl who is favoring them they smell blood, even if she does have a boyfriend. They don’t care.
When you decide to be what she needs — a shoulder to cry on, a friend in need or just everything her boyfriend may not be, it makes you look good.
Maybe it takes showing her what can be better for her to see it, and when you are crushing on someone that is taken, it’s the most respectful strategy you can do.
Extend a hand of friendship, especially after letting her know how you feel about her. It will show her that you can be what she needs and more.
Do Not Have Sex
I know there are tons of songs out there which advocate stealing the next man’s girl but that is exactly what you should not do.
I am a firm believer that you’ll lose whoever you have in the same matter in which you attained them. If you break up a happy home, how much could you trust her when she is with you.
At all times you want to be a man of integrity and that includes being respectful of a relationship, even if it’s a relationship that is destined to end.
If the feelings are strong enough to the point where she’s ready to step out then the feelings are strong enough for her to end the relationship.
Liking someone who is taken is tough, it’s never anything one intentionally does. But when you are delicate with the situation and handle the situation accordingly, you can make the situation work for you.
Ultimately you must keep in mind that she in with another man and that at the end of the day her commitment is not available. What’s important that there is honesty, clarity and full respect offered when approaching, then the best results will happen.