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It’s Not As Hard As You Think: How To Make A Girl Smile

It’s Not As Hard As You Think: How To Make A Girl Smile

BY Christian Hudson

It’s Not As Hard As You Think: How To Make A Girl Smile

There’s a beautiful woman there, you’re into her, and you want her to be into you, too. But you’re having the damnedest time making her smile. It feels so helpless.

You can feel her interest in you waning. So you sort of “scramble” for stuff to say and do. If you’re like I was in the past, you think you need some sort of line or technique.

In fact, if you just Google’d “how to make a girl smile” and ended up here, congrats – you’re following in my footsteps from 2003. Back then, the Internet wasn’t quite the sewage dump vast resource of dubious useful information that it is today, so my efforts were for naught.

The thing is, none of the tips that I did find were of much use.  There was stuff like “tell a joke” or “buy her flowers” or “make her laugh” but that’s some monumentally rubbish advice for how obvious it is.

So how about some real advice on what you really need to do to make a girl smile?

Back when I was looking for tips on this stuff, I was going through a “rough patch” of life.  Everything seemed ok on the outside – I was working at a software company I’d started, I had a nice jet black Audi TT, and was one of the sharpest-dressed guys in Ann Arbor.

But on the inside, I was pretty unhappy.  I didn’t have any real sense of direction.  I hated the sales work I was doing at my own damn company, but I was afraid to leave it.  I wasn’t enjoying Ann Arbor, but I felt trapped there.  And most of my good friends had moved out of the city the previous summer, so my social life wasn’t great.

Life just stopped being fun.

Hey, it happens sometimes.

My one hope… the thing that kept me going… was the thought of a great relationship with a beautiful girl.

I wouldn’t have admitted it to myself back then, but I sort of wanted a girl to “save me.

From what?

Monotony.  Boredom.  A lack of purpose or self-direction.

Even more insidiously, the sort of “salvation” I was looking for from a girl was the kind that would validate me… make me feel better about myself.

And the reason that I was having such a hard time making girls smile?

I didn’t smile much myself… certainly not the genuine, true smile that’s felt as much as it’s seen.

You know the kind of smile I’m talking about.  The one that’s as contagious as a yawn. The kind of smile where someone is feeling gooooood… you catch their eye from across the room and you can’t help but start smiling too.

The psychological principle here is emotional contagion – the tendency to “catch” other peoples’ emotions.

Especially when a.) we place a high value on that person or b.) that person is experiencing those emotions more dominantly than we’re experiencing our own emotions.  We have a program about this coming out soon – tentatively titled the Emotional Activation System.  Clever title, right?

So in thinking I needed a technique or a joke to make a girl smile, I made the error of trying to solve the wrong problem.

If I could specifically put my finger on the problem, it’s that I was hoping that a woman would be the leader of fun and happiness in my life.   That I could “borrow” some of her own fun and happiness.

Now, here’s where it gets even worse:

When these are the thoughts that are kicking around in the ol’ subconscious, it makes a guy really unattractive.

Duh.

But let’s go a little deeper and try to understand exactly what a girl feels when a guy is thinking these sorts of thoughts.

Here’s a truth:

The truest quality of any relationship in your life is always the experience you have when that person is right there, with you.

Do you guys have fun with each other?  Can you talk about important stuff together?  Do you make each other feel sexy?

Loyalty is important.  Trust is important.  Future plans are important.  They all affect your ability to enjoy the people you spend time with.

But nothing determines the quality of a relationship quite like the in-the-moment experiences you have with a person.

And when you’re unhappy… when you’re not having fun in your life… when you’re looking to “borrow” it from someone else… you’re usually also looking to “lock it down.”

You know what I mean.  Having this person in your life makes you feel good, and you want some sense of assurance that they’re going to be around in the future to keep making you feel good.

So rather than focusing on them, during the time you’re with them… and just having a great time… there’s a part of you that’s nervous, insecure, and thinking about the future.

Sometimes this comes out explicitly – asking “so, what are we?” or trying to have a talk about “feelings”.  Sometimes it comes out implicitly… trying to subtly gather information about what her plans are on Friday night.

“Oh, you’re going to a party… uhhhh, cool?  Who you going with?   Just friends?   Which friends?”

Ughhhhhh.

And sometimes, it’s just a subtle feeling that visits the conversation.  You’re thinking about how much you like the girl, and you’re a little nervous about losing her, and you’re not totally happy… or maybe you just aren’t the leader of your own life… whatever it is, it totally kills your ability to have fun with a girl – and smile with her – in the moment when she’s right there, in front of you.

So to think a technique or a joke is the answer to making a girl smile… well… you can now see that there’s a much more fundamental thing going on here.

So how do you make a girl smile?

It gets back to stuff we cover in our Premium Training programs.

You’re a confident, happy dude.  You’re the leader of your own life, and you have ample reasons to smile whether or not someone else is around.

You’re not looking for a girl to save you.  And if she’s not smiling, that’s her problem, not yours.

In fact, most of the girls who meet can’t help but pick up on your positive attitude and fun outlook, and want to “borrow” some of it from you.  They can’t help but smile when they think of you.

And when they’re in-the-moment with you, having a great time and smiling naturally, they can’t help but thinking “I hope I get to see him again.”

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Christian Hudson

By

CEO of The Hero Company, and publisher of The Social Man. Loves to surf, snowboard, climb mountains, and photograph the world. Connect with Christian on facebook, instagram, and his personal website.

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  • Philipalvarez

    As usual, it’s like you reached inside my head and life and pulled apart all of the mental taffy that f’d me up in the past.  Insightful and some great stuff to think about.

  • Daniel

    This has DEFINITELY happed to me in the past.  This exact thing.  Funny thing is I definitely went googling for techniques too.  But I just tried it and didn’t see this article show up yet?  Anyway it’s really great Christian, thanks for clarifying all of these points.

    • JCH

      thanks Daniel.  Yeah google can take awhile to index pages and they actually just changed up their algorithms so who knows if this will ever end up in the top ten… we shall see 🙂

  • Marcus

    I just found this site from a link you posted in a group on facebook. 

    Where have you guys been my whole life?!?!?!  

    This is some of the better writing I’ve seen on men’s dating advice in a long time.  You earned yourself a reader.  Now let’s see what else you’ve got 😉

    • JCH

      haha thanks Marcus… check out the “most popular” on the upper right – some halfway decent stuff up there 🙂

  • Bobby Nelson

    Christian, you really hit on it. I remember a time in my past when I always looked for validation from others… girls, guys, whatever… it’s like something was missing inside of me that I was trying to fill with other people’s positive energy. I needed someone there to make me feel good. Where I am (moving towards) now is a place where I start the fun. I start the positive emotions. And she can’t help but feel the same thing. Because like you said – emotions are contagious!!

    • JCH

      First of all, glad it connected with you Bobby – I think this is something that a lot of guys can relate to.  And it’s amazing when you start getting into the science behind this stuff… we’ll have a bunch of stuff coming out on it very soon.

  • Aaron

    LEGIT… Lifestyle precedes anything else. 

    • JCH

      well, it’s not just lifestyle… it’s like… your “life” and your “self” 

      aspects of my lifestyle back then were fairly great – nice car, nice shoes, nice apartment.  but i just wasn’t happy.  you know what they say about what money can’t buy 🙂

  • Ced

    Very Insightful. Great Article.

  • Cody

    ” Back then, the Internet wasn’t quite the sewage dump vast resource of dubious useful information that it is today, so my efforts were for naught.”

    Christian, as always, I love your thoughts – they’re inspiring and eye opening. But the one I just quoted is a classic.
    I so know what you mean. Interestingly though, I seem to remember it even better in the 90s. I think it was about 1998 when
    I started seeing more and more sewage dump (as you put it) around. Funny of course is that’s the year Google came around (official
    domain name, anyway). Makes one wonder… anyway, thanks for the remark there, as that makes my day.

    • JCH

      haha thanks Cody.  of course, with the propagation of more information came information marketers.  we keep it legit on this site, but I’m pretty sure that we’ve been responsible for our share of nonsense on some of our marketing sites 😉

      something tells me that you might remember the BBS days?  my first taste of the internet was downloading a phreaking program onto a DOS computer 😉

      • Amy Lynn

        You and I need to talk about the old BBS days 😉  We probably crossed paths in our teenage years…  You would have thought it was Christmas on a hot summer day in the early 90’s when my brother and I were upgraded from a 300 baud modem to a 2400 baud modem – BLAZING FAST!

      • Cody

        Yes, I remember them. I did all sorts of fun things with DOS back in the day.
        My main joy, and something I still do to this day : programming MUD’s (multi user dungeon). I guess
        you’re familiar with those? I’m the main programmer for one that’s been in existence since 1994.
        To that end, for many years, I’m mainly into unix and its derivatives.
        Not really surprising though; was always into the command line, and the idea of if I get an error it is
        my fault, not the computer’s fault. And even as a unix (ok, linux these days) admin, I still feel this way (minus actual
        mechanical failures – but hey, backups are for that reason [ok, and for accidental deletions]!).

        That itself is actually a funny phenomenon and no one, administrators included, is immune from it, no matter
        how good someone is. I for instance have done reverse engineering in pure hex and also done assembler since
        before the 16 bit days, not to mention other languages, networking (and network programming), etc. But
        some times I will realize how stupid (i.e., very basic) of a mistake I just uncovered was. It’s fascinating
        but as I say: It is impossible to be perfect in a world that is not perfect (this coming from a perfectionist actually).

        As for phreaking programs, I had to be cautious with that. Not to say I never did anything naughty, just
        I have a specific reason I had to be careful with phones (though I certainly had fun making pay phones
        ring and then telling people it was for them, and making my aunts’ phones do similar [two of them] and then minutes
        later yelling at me – good times those were!).

        Naturally, yes, more information is more clutter. But that’s not necessarily bad when you think about it –
        you just have to adapt and learn to filter out the garbage. The other side of it is, more people = new ideas
        and innovations. For instance, with graphics and games. I have a friend who is 18 or so, and when I showed
        him a screenshot of one of my all time favourite games (Breakout) his response was :
        “It’s just a bunch of colourful lines?” – to him it was hard (impossible) to see how that could have been
        a game!

        Thanks for the response, anyway. I imagine you and I could get along well in technology talk.

  • Ed

    My response to this? BAAAAAAAAAAAM!

    • JCH

      haha thanks Ed 🙂

  • Nkistner

    This is spot on. It’s all about YOUR attitude and outlook, being happy with it no matter what, and inviting her along.

  • Scudz1

    Dude. Literally the very situation I find myself in at this very moment. What’s worse, every time I come to the realization that trying to “lock it down” has everything to do with my perspective and my insecurities instead of, as you said, enjoying the moment with someone you genuinely like, good old denial kicks in. Thanks for mentally shaking things up for me. Officially back on track to finding inner peace from within, not an outside source via company of women. Insightful stuff, as always.

    • Das4531

       yep yep so right good job

    • JCH

      sounds like you got the main points, spot-on.  glad it connected with you at the right time 🙂

  • cmclaughlin21

    Wow, awsome article! I really understand now the reasons behind how important it is to be a interesting man and have a lot of things to share and why its important to live in the moment. Great stuff!!

  • Luke

    Awesome blog! 

  • Paul T

    This is a great article! 

    Christian – the art profile pic is really cool. Where did you get it done? 

    • JCH

      thanks man, yeah love that one… it’s from an app called PhotoTropodelic on my iphone.  was coughing when that photo got snapped, but it turned out looking pretty dope when we processed it.

  • Narap

    Great article Christian! I love all your stuff. You really just hit the nail on the head. Life is so much about attitude and effort. Being the leader and having the responsibility for success and happiness is what being a man is all about. Keep up the great writing.

    • JCH

      thanks Narap!

  • Ari

    This really hit home with me. Thank you.

    • JCH

      glad to hear it Ari

  • Great article brotha.

    • JCH

      as usual, thanks for sharing the love dinsy… welcome to post your mixtapes on my facebook wall anytime ;P

  • Ahediger

    Great article man and its so true. I noticed when i am smiling and in a good mood it often makes the girl smile at me and get in more of a good mood. To start a convo ill ask, “Do you believe smiles are contagious?” and she’ll smile and say “what?” with a 🙂
    OR just walk up and start smiling be like i can’t help it your smiling and its so contagious its making me smile. 

  • Wikenge

    Thx Christian
    This article builds on the stuff from the “Unbreakable” course. Doing the course was the best thing I could ever have done, for the first time in my life I am having fun with women. A new chapter has started in my life .. thx for being the catalist !
    Carpe diem.

    • JCH

      Man, do I love hearing stuff like that.  So glad it connected with you dude, and thanks much for sharing your thoughts here.

  • Coopy

    Fantastic article. This past week I have noticed myself exhibiting some downright needy behaviour, and now I think I might be closer to understanding why. “I didn’t have any real sense of direction” – I think applies to me, time to outline some clear goals. Cheers Christian.

  • Markkuan

    this is golden 🙂

  • Sandman

    This is an impeccable article. I had preconceptions about how this topic was going to be approached. Needless to say i was wrong. I am thoroughly pleased with the idea that one has to find there own happiness before trying to make someone else happy. If you take a second and think about it, it makes compete sense. For instance light reflects on certain objects better than others, so if your radiate clean positive energy surely its going to show. It goes both ways.

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