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Healthy Arguments: Why Couples Who Argue Together Stay Together

Healthy Arguments: Why Couples Who Argue Together Stay Together

BY Zack Drisko

Healthy Arguments: Why Couples Who Argue Together Stay Together

Contrary to what people might think, it’s good for couples to fight.

Not physically — that’s f*cking terrible — but statistically speaking, couples who argue regularly are more likely to be happy in their relationships. Does that sound weird?

At first, glance, yes. If you’re arguing, that’s the opposite of being happy in relationship — so how does that even work?

Turns out, expressing yourself — even if it’s arguing in less than tasteful terms — is one of the most important things you can do in a relationship.

Let’s examine why couples who argue aren’t really doing anything wrong:

It Usually Means You’re Stating What You Want

One of the biggest relationship problems that people have is failing to state what they want out of a relationship. They have a bunch of rules (don’t do this, always do that), and they remain hidden from their partner.

They find themselves getting mad at their partner, and their partner is confused as to why.

Look, everyone is going to have weird hang-ups in a relationship, but if you never communicate them, the other person will never know if they’re doing something that’s bothering you.

It may cause an argument, but couples who argue are willing to communicate what they want in a relationship. It’s a very helpful first step towards giving each other what they want.

It Means You’re Willing to Solve A Problem

If a couple never fights, does it mean that they don’t have any problems?

In most cases, no. Every couple is going to have problems with each other at one point or another. Ignoring those problems is a surefire way for that problem to deepen and worsen until it can no longer be fixed.

By rolling up your sleeves and trying to address a problem head-on, you’re way more likely to find a solution. Sure, maybe tempers will flare, but doing nothing is practically a guaranteed death sentence for your relationship.

It Means That You Aren’t Afraid Of Your Partner

Often times, people are worried about bringing up a problem with their partner because they don’t want to rock the boat.

As a result, they stay miserable while their partner carries on with no idea.

This creates an invisible barrier between the two of you, which erodes intimacy. If you aren’t sharing the same reality — or at least a similar reality — then you aren’t intimate with each other.

Don’t be afraid to rock the boat. Sometimes that shit needs to be rocked. Have enough faith in yourself and your relationship that bringing a problem to your partner’s attention isn’t going to end in pain.

If you don’t have that amount of faith in your relationship to do that, well, that should tell you something.

It Means That You Care

Yes, believe it or not, willing to argue about your relationship is — in a weird way — a sign of caring.

Now, let’s be clear: Not all arguments are created equal. If you’re just being a selfish bag of dicks, then that does not mean that you care just because you’re shouting.

What I am saying is this: If your relationship matters so much to you that you’re willing to have a painful conversation in order to fix or improve it, that’s a good sign.

It means that you’re committed. It means that you care. If she’s the one to bring up something touchy, it’s the same thing. Even if it hurts, she cares.

So, next time you get into an argument, remember that it’s not necessarily a bad thing. We’re human beings, not robots. Sometimes it takes a little conflict to fix things.

Don’t go looking for a fight, but if you find yourself in an argument someday, remember that it’s an opportunity to resolve a problem and a sign that that two of you are trying to work it out.

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Zack Drisko


Raised by a police officer and a U.S. Marine, Zack Drisko was taught the ways of the world and hammered on the anvil of life until he became a decent human being. Learn more about him at his website

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