Friends With Benefits: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly
The friends with benefits option is becoming increasingly more common nowadays.
It’s an arrangement between a guy and a girl that is mutually beneficial but doesn’t involve commitment or emotions that stem further than just enjoying each other’s company sexually.
There are very specific boundaries involved, and crossing them will usually mean that things have to end.
Despite that risk, it seems to be the preference for a lot of people nowadays. Maybe that’s a result of it being less scary than an actual relationship.
Or maybe the sex is good, but outside of that, each party can’t stand one another. Whatever the case may be, as guys, it’s something that is always a possibility in game.
Chances are, if you’re heavily invested in game, you aren’t looking for a relationship, but you may meet a girl that you want to have around indefinitely.
If she’s into it, then there isn’t a whole lot of confusion. Just take it one day at a time and enjoy each other until something stops you from doing so.
On the other end of the equation, is a situation where you may not want a relationship, but she does, or maybe she doesn’t like the idea of being non-committal.
First and foremost you should never feel guilty about asking a girl to keep things from getting too serious.
Girls do it to guys all the time, and assuming that it’s wrong or sleazy to suggest something like that just isn’t fair.
Related: What Friends With Benefits Really Means
Suggesting that the two of you keep things simple, is actually a way of keeping the playing field even, and you shouldn’t feel bad about it.
When the conversation finally comes, you should explain that you enjoy her company, but aren’t ready for a relationship. Just make sure you give her a legitimate reason.
Just saying that you want to stay single isn’t going to cut it. Maybe it’s because you can’t fully commit to someone at the moment, or that your life is too hectic.
You should emphasize the friendship aspect of your arrangement. No girl would agree to just being some guy’s booty call, and that’s perfectly acceptable.
Make it clear that the two of you will not just be having sex.
You can do stuff together, get dinner, watch movies—essentially go on dates—but it just won’t be labeled as a relationship.
In a lot of ways, it’s more fun to have this kind of free-flowing arrangement with a girl because there’s less pressure for both of you. The key is not to label it.
Don’t even refer to each other as friends with benefits. Your goal should be to keep things as non-serious and fun as possible.
If she’s having a good time, and you’re just as much friends as you are sexual partners, things will go smoothly.
The biggest benefit to this kind of arrangement is that you’re free to live your own lives, and still enjoy each other without restrictions.
It’s a pretty good deal, and if you’ve ever done it, you’ll recognize how much more carefree it is than a traditional relationship.
There are downsides to this kind of casual set up.
In some cases, people do decide they like each other enough to date, but transitioning into something more serious can be difficult.
For example, if you decide that after a few months of just messing around, you want her to be your girlfriend, but she’s comfortable just being friends who sleep together, you have a tricky situation on your hands.
The best thing to do is to suggest it. Don’t beg, or seem pathetic about it. This will get you nowhere, and probably freak her out enough to end things completely.
Talk about it in terms of hypotheticals at first. Mention the “what if,” and see how she reacts.
You’ll have to gauge her reaction to determine if you can proceed and bring it up more seriously or frequently.
At this point, the two of you are probably pretty close, and there isn’t any reason to be afraid of the discussion.
She’ll respect you if you go about it the right way, and even if she doesn’t want things to progress, it won’t be an uncomfortable conversation.
The other downside is that these types of scenarios usually don’t have any definitive ending.
Because there is no relationship, there is no break-up, and it leaves the possibility of a girl just disappearing, or becoming distant.
The biggest difference is that in a relationship (usually) someone owes you an explanation if they don’t want to be with you anymore.
In a friends with benefits type of situation, no one owes anyone an explanation. She could wake up one day, and decide she doesn’t want you inside her anymore, and you have to be prepared for that.
The fact that it’s not emotional, means that you don’t really have the right to get upset when and if it ends.
And make no mistake. Unless it’s a real relationship, it’s going to end eventually. She may find someone, and so might you, and it’s up to you to both be prepared.
So, having a chick who isn’t your girlfriend but who’s good in bed, and isn’t so bad to hang out with has its major advantages, but sometimes it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
The best thing to do as a guy is to constantly remind yourself that it’s not a relationship and that it’s just mutually advantageous fun.
Don’t miss out on other opportunities to sleep with other girls if they present themselves, and don’t feel guilty if you have to bail to hang out with your other friends or another girl.
Keep the lines of communication and respect (after all, she is your friend), and be prepared for the end.
That being said. Anything could happen.
You might find out that a chick you had no intention of ever dating, ends up being the one you take home to your mother.
Just take it day by day.