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Never Compare How She Feels About You To How You Feel About Her

Never Compare How She Feels About You To How You Feel About Her

BY Joshua Eferighe

Never Compare How She Feels About You To How You Feel About Her

The tipping scale of who likes who is a game that can easily see-saw out of control.

When we engage in any type of relations with someone where feelings are at play on both sides it’s imperative that you focus on how you feel solely.

If not, you’ll spend the entire relationship conditioning how much you care for something that’s impossible to measure.

It’s too easy to get into our own heads. Instead of confiding in the security of the relationship, acts of affection or oath of mutual interest, we’ll question its legitimacy.

We all have our different methods, too. While one might come right out and ask (which would look something like): “Hey, I’m not moving too fast am I? or “Hey, I think I may be more into this than you.” Others will subconsciously act out, becoming unnecessarily jealous or even depressed.

When we focus on if she really likes us the way she says she does and whether or not we like her too much, too early or if we constantly question if things are moving too fast, we get in our own way and risk sabotaging the relationship.

If you’re not ready to play the game of chance with your emotions then you shouldn’t roll the dice. Worrying about how your emotions measure up does nothing more than feed your insecurities, which in turn makes trusting your partner a hassle.

That’s why you should never be concerned with how much she likes you. Only focus on how she makes you feel and how you feel about her

Trust Fall

Doubt is probably one of, if not the worst, thing to start a relationship off with. If there is any cause for concern or if you sense this person might not be what you think they are or that they would ever mislead you, why be with them at all?

This trust fall is necessary because anything else will turn small problems into big ones.

A night out with her friends is not a night out with her friends when you’re not sure if she looks at you the way you look at her.

Who she’s texting, forgetting to say “I love you” before hanging up, and her not feeling like “doing it”, will cause your brain to explode if you’re not confident in what you guys have.

If she’s making you happy, she seems happy, and says she’s happy, then that’s all the evidence you need. Why torture yourself trying to gauge the exact degree of her emotional threshold?

Well, a big reason we need constant affirmation of someone’s feelings that we may not be ready to admit to ourselves is that we are dealing with insecurities from an unresolved past.


Dealing With The Past

This is why self-awareness is so important. Before entering a relationship you should have total resolve with you past relationship.

If she cheated on you, make sure that you’re healed and ready to trust again. I’ve even heard stories of women who after several years and talks of marriage walk out with no explanation — that kind of stuff can scar you.

Bringing these skeletons into our current relationships evidences itself when you’re concerned with “how much she likes you.”

Because you’ve been hurt before you can’t help but try and monitor the investment of your heart. But when you settle and move on from the pain of your past, you’ll be better suited to give the best version of yourself.

Your job in the relationship is to give your all and make sure that she is taken care of, as is her responsibility to you. If she’s worried about you doing your job as you do hers, how functional would that be?


Out of Your Control

Second-guessing whether someone is taking a relationship as seriously as you are is a completely natural feeling, but beyond its exposure of our insecurities and our inability to trust, it is something that no matter what, is out of our control.

There is nothing we can do to manipulate someone’s emotions. You cannot make someone love you. When you are with someone you have to have the confidence that you are the best thing on the market, and that if she wants to leave, it will be her loss.

As I’m sure you very well know, people fall out of love every day. You go to sleep wanting the person laying beside you in your life forever and wake up feeling something completely different.

What we can’t do is dwell on these scenarios. We have to learn to trust the happy moments as happy moments and get out of our own head, only then will we give our best in the relationship.

Your feelings should be unconditional. Not based on how little or how much she likes you. There may be periods throughout the relationship where you and she both fade in and out, trading levels of attraction from time to time and that’s okay.

The connection between two individuals is not going to be this perfect Tetris game where all the blocks of your personality, background, and emotions, perfectly fit with one another. There are going to be gaps and awkward points.

What’s important is that you guys are there for each other and that you make each other happy. Do not put her on trial when her only crime is consistency.

If things are to end, let it end knowing that you went in unquestioning and ready, not in doubt, never enjoying the moment when it was there.

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Joshua Eferighe

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Highly opinionated, contentious and one to always speak his mind, Joshua Eferighe has been on the path of expression through writing before he even chose the profession. Love him or hate him, you'll always want to know what he has to say. Follow him on Twitter @jman23j

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