Trying to figure out the politics around texting in the dating scene can be tough — so much so that we’ve created a whole course dedicated to it — but ghost texters can prove to be an especially difficult challenge.
And, as this recent Buzzfeed article shows, men (and women) aren’t good at navigating this situation. At all.
And sometimes, the best way to learn isn’t by looking at examples of what to do, but examples of what you definitely should not do ever, ever if you want to hear from them again.
So let’s break down the really, really bad examples featured in this article, and find out why these antics should never be used in the real world:
Failed Attention Tactic: Sarcasm
Why this won’t work: Jokes like these just don’t translate over text. They sound bitter, and I guarantee the recipient of these texts won’t find them funny, especially if the reason they’re unresponsive is legitimate. The best response you could hope for is a half-hearted “lol.”
Failed Attention Tactic: Refusing To Be Ignored
Failed Attention Tactic: Demanding A Response
Why this won’t work: People who choose to go this route find it hard to believe that the world doesn’t revolve around text messaging apps. This is a cry for attention that adults should refrain from using. Tantrums like this are reserved for toddlers who can’t eat ice cream for dinner and drunk sorority girls that the bartender cuts off.
Failed Attention Tactic: Fishing For Sympathy
Failed Attention Tactic: Acting Like A Helpful Jerk
Why this tactic won’t work: This kind of sarcasm, much like the first category, reads a lot more bitter than funny to the recipient since it’s intended to goad them into a response. It’s not cute to pretend you’re worried; it’s actually just a strange response.
So, what should you actually do if someone you’re crushing on refuses to respond to your text messages (right away)?
Why this tactic will work: It sounds crazy, I know, but it works. So, how long should you wait before sending another text if they don’t respond? I like to stick to the two-text over two-days max rule. If you’ve texted twice and they don’t respond, give the person space because it’s possible they are just busy. Life can get chaotic, and that’s ok. Don’t take the crickets too seriously or personally. Or, they might not be that into you, and that’s just the truth of it.
What should you say when you send that second day crucial second text, though?
Keep it casual
Don’t be sarcastic, mean, or demanding. It’s helpful to have a reason to text them, something you’ve run across to spark the conversation. Something as simple as this will do: “Hey, I passed by that pizza place you were telling me about and thought of you. How are you? Up for a slice of pepperoni soon?”
The most important thing to realize is that the biggest reason why these examples won’t work is that they come off as thirsty to the recipient. And, as you know, desperation is the quickest way to extinguish any budding attraction.
No one should feel they have to beg anyone for attention, especially you.
You’re an awesome person who doesn’t need to depend on lame tactics, stalking, and tacky sarcasm text messages in order to get someone to have a conversation with you.
The faster you realize that your time and conversation is worth much more than crickets over text, the faster other people will realize this too. Confidence begins with you believing that you’re awesome, and once you feel that, other people will flock to you – both in person and over text. So hold your standards high, and only give attention to those who deserve yours.