I’m getting married in a couple months. I’m really excited about it because I found the right woman.
So, it got me thinking, what’s different? A lot of people are in relationships that they’re OK with, but it usually takes more than a few tries before you get it right — if you ever do.
How do you really know if you’re with the right person?
Here are a few things to look out for:
You Don’t Feel Like You Need To Hold Back
You can talk about anything and don’t feel like you’re going to be judged or that you have to navigate a minefield.
In certain relationships, it might feel like a tightrope act, where you have to make sure to act a certain way and stay away from certain topics.
If you’re with the right person, all of that goes out the window. You can make a fool of yourself, and it’s all good.
You Actually Like To Do The Same Things
I don’t mean that you do every single thing together. I do mean, however, that you naturally like to do many of the same things.
You shouldn’t have to struggle to find shit to do that you both like, and it shouldn’t always be a tradeoff — like she’s doing “your” thing today, but you have to do “her” thing next weekend.
Now, that kinda thing is going to happen sometimes, but one of the ways you know you found the right person is that it’s not a struggle to find things you both love to do.
You Argue When You Strongly Disagree
You don’t hold back with the one you love. In fact, it’s actually a good thing for couples to argue, as we’ve discussed before. It means that you’re trying to solve a problem and that you aren’t afraid of your partner.
In a bad relationship, you’re unwilling to bring up something that’s bugging you. If you found the right one, then you can talk about anything and not feel like they’ll throw you out.
You Have Your Own Identities
This one and the “like to do the same things” one are sort of the yin and yang of a relationship. You need a balance.
While it’s awesome that you like to do stuff together, as it gives you the framework to actually share your life with each other, the right relationship also affords you the space to be your own person.
Not sure if you’ve ever seen it before, but sometimes people get into a relationship where they start taking on a lot of new identity elements.
Like, your best friend of five years is suddenly adamant that he has always loved sailing even though he never talked about it before. You know something’s up because he’s changing himself, and he might not even be aware of it.
If you’re in the wrong relationship, you can lose your identity and unwittingly find yourself conforming to the other person’s needs or expectations.
When you find the right woman, it doesn’t work that way. You stay you. So does she. And yet you also click together.
If You Don’t Really Have To Wonder, Then You’re With The Right Person
This one is probably the easiest way to to know if you’re with the right person. If you found someone truly special, you usually know.
No, I’m not talking about love at first sight. I’m talking about a few months into a relationship or maybe a year or two.
You just realize that things are different. You don’t lose your boundless optimism. In fact, the relationship keeps getting more interesting and exciting everyday. It keeps growing without you having to try.
The easiest way to tell is if you’re still just as excited about the relationship as you were when you started out. If that’s the case, then there’s a pretty damn good chance that you’re with the right person.