The Build Up: Why You Should Start Simple Instead Of Trying To Impress Her
In 2007, a man named Ken Kendricks paid 2.8 million dollars for a single item at an auction.
What do you think he bought for that kind of money? A vintage car? A famous painting? A time machine?
Wrong… a piece of cardboard. Yup, you read that correctly. This man paid almost $3 million for a piece of cardboard.
That’s Ken Kendricks, owner of the Arizona Diamondbacks, holding the most expensive piece of cardboard in the world.
A 1909, T206 Honus Wagner baseball card, to be exact. Pretty crazy right? The question is… why?
What would compel someone to spend millions on a baseball card, something which has absolutely no practical value, and can be ruined by a few drops of rain.
Well, being filthy rich helps. But the true answer goes much deeper than that.
The psychological forces that deceived this man into believing a baseball card is worth millions of dollars are the same forces that guide almost every aspect of your life.
You see it all around you. People pay hundreds of dollars for a basic white t-shirt because it has a Louis Vuitton logo on it.
Or thousands for a watch because it says Gucci on it but if you remove the logo it becomes almost worthless.
But one area where this principle often gets overlooked is in your dating life.
In fact… if you’ve ever spent money on fancy dinners, flowers, or expensive gifts hoping to impress a woman and win her affection, then you’ve fallen victim to the same deceptive forces that Mr. Kendricks did.
Let me explain…
Say you meet a gorgeous, intelligent, down-to-earth woman. You’re completely enamored; she’s a perfect 10 in your eyes.
You say a couple words, do a little dance, and you manage to get her number. Next step: a date. You think to yourself:
“She must have a dozen guys chasing her, I’m going to WOW her and blow all those other guys out of the water, so she thinks of me as the obvious best choice”
Now if you’re like most guys, you’d try to impress the shit out of her.
Take her to the classiest, most expensive restaurant in town, put on your sharpest looking outfit, maybe even hire a chauffeur and show up at her door with a bouquet of roses.
Am I right? I know I’m not the only one who’s done this before.
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That’s what most guys do… and that’s why most guys don’t end up with the “perfect 10” woman of their dreams.
Because in an effort to impress her, what you’re actually doing is demonstrating why you’d be an amazing boyfriend, showing that you’re kind, generous, and caring.
And here’s why that’s a bad thing, you’re doing all this before you know anything about her, before she knows anything about you.
Your actions indicate you’ve already decided you want her and you’re trying to prove yourself to her.
Going through the motions, step by step, trying to win her favor. Which tells her loud and clear that she could have you in a heartbeat if she wanted.
How’s that saying go, people want what they know they can have? Oh no that’s right, it’s “people want what they can’t have.”
I want to be absolutely clear: I’m not saying you shouldn’t spend money on a woman you’re interested in, do nice things for her, or shower her with roses, etc.
I’m saying you shouldn’t do all those things right away and you shouldn’t do them with the intent of impressing her.
Because while you may be successful in showing that you’re kind, caring, and generous.
You’re doing it in a way that fails to recognize or appreciate the psychological forces at work in romance, leaving out essential ingredients in the mental elixir that produces feelings of attraction and desire.
By now you’re probably wondering what these “forces” I keep referring to are.
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The concept I’m referring to is scarcity. This is a widely known and well-proven psychological principle.
Essentially, it states that our brains automatically place more value on things that are in short supply, or are difficult to attain.
This is the hidden force that made Ken think he was getting a deal when he paid $2.8 mil for an old piece of cardboard.
That old piece of cardboard was printed in 1909, and less than 50 still exist, making it the rarest baseball card in the world.
Despite it being completely useless, he perceived it to be absurdly valuable simply because it was rare and difficult to attain.
Applied to your dating life, scarcity works to alter our perceptions of other people’s desirability in exactly the same way.
It’s simple really, the harder it is for us to get something, the more valuable we perceive it to be. And the more value we place on something (or someone) the more desirable it becomes.
So if all a woman has to do is give you her number and agree to go out with you, and you’re immediately willing to spend hundreds of dollars on a night out, that’s a lot of investment on your part, for very little effort on her part. Which makes your investment abundant, easily attainable.
Abundance is the opposite of scarcity. Which makes you the opposite of desirable, at least sexually.
She may appreciate the gesture, but you’re undue investment makes her feel a sense of obligation to give you a “return on investment” so to speak.
And obligation is the enemy of desire.
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So if you do want a “return on investment”, then your best bet is to use the principle of scarcity to your advantage.
Instead of trying to impress her with flowers and lavish dinners, which, by the way, is what every other guy does… challenge her.
Make her earn your investment.
Do the opposite of what most guys do and start simple. Do something fun, but that doesn’t cost a lot of money, the arcade for example.
It injects a little competition into the interaction and makes it easy to be playful and challenging at the same time.
Then maybe go for a walk, get some ice cream (pro tip: all women love ice cream), grab a drink, hell get a corndog. It really doesn’t matter.
The point is, you’re showing that you’re different than other guys, and she’s gonna have way more fun than she would at some formal restaurant where she has to abide by a bunch of rules and use proper etiquette.
Save that for your anniversary, or at least the 3rd date.
Don’t spend your hard-earned money on an extravagant evening until she proves to you she’s worthy of that kind of investment, or even wants it for that matter.
Going in with this mentality will completely change the dynamic, and you’ll impress her by showing you have standards and that you’re not desperate to make her your girlfriend just because she agreed to go out with you.
If she has to actually put some effort in to get the flowers and fancy dinners, then she’ll perceive them as much more valuable.
And she’ll perceive YOU as more desirable because instead of trying to impress her like every other guy, you made her impress you.