There is nothing like the enjoyment of meeting someone for the first time.
The excitement between” hello” and the first call, the first call and the first kiss, and the first kiss and the first time you make love.
Once the threshold of intimacy has been crossed, the relationship becomes a dependency that no one wants to admit to in the beginning.
It’s not always emotional as one might think but more…scientific.
The same feeling could be found in anticipation of that final lottery number, the thrill of overtime or shopping.
Dopamine is a neurotransmitter that helps to control the brain’s reward and pleasure centers.
It also helps to regulate movement and emotional responses and enables us to not only see rewards but to react and move toward them.
While we often use the term ‘love at first sight’, seldom do we experience this. To truly love someone, your relationship must be tested.
You must go through hardship, even tragedy and triumphs to determine each other’s character.
i.e. You meet someone at the grocery store, she sees the car you jump into, not knowing it’s your friend’s car who is away for the weekend.
Does she like you for the car or for you? You find out later she doesn’t care about the car, helping you to unravel a section of the unknown.
When you meet someone, you have no idea who she is. You think you do, judging her by appearance only.
You haven’t experienced her faults or bad habits, or the ability to overlook them.
Therefore, you cannot possibly love someone at first sight, because you don’t know who she is or what it is about her that you love.
I love Butter Pecan ice cream because I’ve tasted it once and over again. I know I don’t like anchovies because I’ve tasted them before and I have no desire to taste them again.
Falling in love with someone can fire up our neurotransmitters into a variety of directions, all centered around her, yet it’s a fleeting feeling that must be nurtured and maintained like changing the oil on a 69 Camaro.
Love will take you one of three places…
– A Beautiful Dream
– Misery And Pain
A man crashes his motorcycle, is taken to the hospital with no feeling below his waist. The feeling proves to be temporary and gradually begins to come back.
Except, when the feelings come back the pain is unbearable. The pain lets you know you are alive which is good, but there is still a problem.
Misery and Pain in a relationship serve the same purpose. We tend to only truly be hurt by the people that we love.
If you didn’t love her, her actions would not hurt you. The pain you both feel is frustration that something is wrong, but you haven’t diagnosed exactly where it stems.
The pain can be blinding, and cause you to focus on feeling better without truly understanding what caused it to begin with.
How many of us get headaches every day, we take a couple of pills and move on without wondering why did I have a headache in the first place?
If you are still in a relationship, and all you do is fight? Be grateful. Fighting comes from emotion, emotion comes from passion, and passion is born out of love.
Try to figure out what the problem is, communicate with each other, and focus on what it was that got you to this place.
In between the pain and the hurt feelings will come distractions.
She will discuss issues with her best friend, you will have a drink at the bar, she will call you an ass, you will bring up her past relationships all of which are destructive, none of which are helpful or the issue.
You don’t have to be miserable and you might have to face the idea that the end might be near, but it doesn’t mean it’s terminal.
The only thing worse for a man when she won’t stop talking is when she does. Men, if your woman cries or complains you stand a chance.
The moment she no longer says anything is when you need to start worrying.
A woman will know long before she tells you that she is done with the relationship.
By the time she tells you, she has already developed a moving forward plan and has placed YOU in the rearview mirror of her life.
She has cried her last cry, shouted her final plea and has already started preparing for a life that doesn’t include you.
At this point, anything you say or do is considered moot because Elvis has left the building.
You will try to think of something clever or romantic, perhaps buy her some flowers. Don’t waste your time, or your money because it will only worsen how you presently feel.
Of course, we are idiots. You didn’t know but the signs were all there. When did it all fall apart? How come you didn’t see the end approaching, nor notice the breadcrumbs behind you?
Well, hopefully, it’s not too late but if you start to see some of the following coming attractions? You might be looking at the end sooner than you thought.
1. You Are No Longer Number One
When you first got together you did everything together. She stopped hanging out with her friends because she wanted to be with you.
Now, almost anytime you try to make plans she is busy, working or has a previous engagement that no longer includes you.
2. She Is On The Moon
Even though she is sitting right next to you, her mind is somewhere else. Once upon a time, she didn’t mind watching glue dry if she were with you.
It now takes her a while to return your calls and avoids deep conversation. She used to tell you everything, now she seldom tells you anything.
3. Dropping Hints
She starts leaving clues of what she is thinking about. She begins to focus more on your differences, rather than your similarities.
“We are so different,” and will displace accountability by asking “what do you think?” “Sometimes I wonder if I am relationship material”, or “Relationships are just too hard.”
4. Lack Of Interest
If she no longer asks you about your day, she doesn’t care. You are no longer the apple of her eye and the things she once found interesting, she now finds irritating and lackluster.
She is looking for an opportunity to break things off and what better way to than to start an argument over nothing.
She wants to end the relationship without feeling guilty, and if possible without hurting you. Creating discord alleviates her of guilt, and empowers you to not feel hurt.
6. Lack Of Intimacy
She no longer seems to desire being with you sexually, or affectionate and will always have an excuse for not wanting to.
Her kisses lack passion and she may even aim for the corner of your mouth. It’s over.
7. Her Attire And Image Changes
If you notice she is dressing sexier, working out more, spending lots of time at the salon? She is preparing to put herself on the market and soon.
If she isn’t a cheater, she won’t but she has someone on her radar and will remove you sooner than later.
8. Your Gut
If you have that feeling in the pit of your stomach that something has changed, or things are about to end? Trust your instincts, you are probably right.
She may get defensive, or tell you that you are being insecure, but listen to your own counsel and prepare for the worst.
9. No Future
A woman loves to dream, talk, and plan for a future with the man she loves. If she isn’t talking about the future, your relationship is about to be in the past.
10. The Death Blow
When she stops saying ‘I love you’, after seeing you or talking to you on the phone then it’s just a matter of time.
If she stops saying she loves you, it’s because she no longer does.
Men and women become addicted to bad relationships as much as they do good ones. If the relationship is bad, then she is doing you a favor.
When you sense your relationship is about to end, and it has been confirmed always take the high road.
What you do after this will preserve your self-respect and dignity.
Yes, it will hurt, but you will get over it and you will eventually move on.