Read Between The Lines: The Truth Of Casual Relationships
I’ve been asked before, why are all men dogs?
I was taken aback by the question, usually met with a slight toss of my shoulders and broad smile.
As always, I find the question to be extremely naïve and biased, yet I always understand why some women feel this way. It is true, there are examples of men who, like dogs, will lift their legs and piss on every fire hydrant they see.
Possessive in nature, acquiring as many phone numbers and bed partners as possible would appear to be their main mission in life.
However, at some point in life, this gets old, and they ask themselves, “there must be more to life than this?”
The inability to look ahead creates a false sense of security in current proclivities. Men and women are different, beyond the obvious distinctions that ready us at a moment’s notice.
A man is a physical creature first. We prefer violence on television, powerful sporting events, and dominating our opponent.
We often react first and reflect afterwards, because of the testosterone coursing through our veins.
At times, we are powerless against it, and we eventually settle down as our T levels decrease when we get older. We are bold, confident, protective, ambitious and gallant in our efforts.
We are men, and these attributes are very attractive to a woman.
However, these same attributes while appealing can also be appalling.
Our finite minds would lead us to believe that she can never make up her mind. We have often used the word crazy, or unsatisfied, or unreasonable when we speak of the opposite sex. This is not fair, and unfortunate.
The truth is, we aren’t reading between the lines. A woman and the word “casual” are not synonymous. If we learn the one truth of what a woman wants, craves and needs then we will neither waste her time or our own.
So, what does she want? Security. You are probably thinking the same thing I first thought.
When we hear the word security, we think of money. In some respects, money has a little to do with it, but that’s not what she means. It’s the security of your provision, protection, and support.
A woman wants you to be there for her. As much as our society is leaning toward redefining roles, we cannot ignore fundamental truths regarding the sexes.
Yes, a woman can do anything a man can do, but we both do things differently. For example…
“Honey, do you hear that noise?”
“What noise babe?”, he replies while straddling the threshold of consciousness.
“Jason, come on sweetheart, I’m serious wake-up!”
“I’m awake already, OMG.”
Suddenly Jason finally hears the noise his wife heard long before and has been trying to get him to hear. Jason sits up straight in the bed, pulls the cover up to his neck in fear, and says to his wife.
“Babe, can you go downstairs and find out what that noise is?”
I’m sure that in a large percentage of homes, this kind of dialogue would most likely lead to the termination of respect, and possibly the marriage.
We cannot assume that women are like us or want to be us. Nor when dealing with them, fail to remember that she is not man. They are uniquely different and while you may be deceived at first, she is not looking for a causal relationship.
She may trick herself and you into thinking this is she wants.
For a short while, she may lower her standards and ‘go with the flow’, but rest assured it’s going to be temporary.
If sex is involved, it might be faster than you think. Love and lust, originate in the same location of the brain, the insular cortex (insula) and striatum. This does not imply they are the same, but they do overlap.
A woman may become emotionally attached after sex. Oxytocin is released after intimacy, greatly increasing feelings of love, trust, security, and bonding. While this is happening, the neurotransmitter dopamine is released, creating a strong sense of pleasure.
Dopamine is addictive. It’s why we take unusual risks, why drug addicts get addicted, and why people jump out of perfectly stable airplanes.
We want more and more of whatever it is that brings us pleasure. The combined effects of oxytocin and dopamine can cause her to be attached to her lover, but also cause her to associate her sexual partner with a sense of pleasure, happiness and or love.
A woman’s emotions should not be toyed with or taken lightly. When she loves you, she will withhold nothing from you, but if she hates you? She will stop at nothing to repay with damning intensity the pain you have brought into her life.
She will hate herself for trusting you, and hate you for making her hate you. Make no mistake, a woman wants and needs commitment. She is not a casual creature and it is against her nature to compromise her true desires over the long run.
If you are not interested in her, then respectfully tell her so. She would rather you let her down easy then pretend to have feelings for her for selfish reasons.
Do not under any circumstances tell a woman you love her unless you do, and if you do love her then show her. If you have zero intentions of having a meaningful life with her, then let her go so she can find someone who does.
When you damage the heart of a woman, you bring irreparable harm to any future relationship she may desire to have. You make it hard for the good man who may come after you.
She thinks by withholding her emotions, she will protect herself from future harm. It wasn’t so much about him, as it was about her. She makes changes to her own character to avoid being put in that situation again.
Every man should look at every woman in two ways, and in doing so may gain a better understanding of her heart.
1. What if she were my daughter? As the father of girls, my greatest joy was coming home and having them jump into my arms.
I was their hero, and they were my biggest fans. I did nothing to earn this other than love, nurture and respect them. I watched over them, valued their opinions, listened to their problems and held them through their tears. The last thing I’d ever do was hurt them.
2. At one time, every woman was once someone’s little girl. Someone adored her, brought her yellow dresses with patent leather shoes.
Someone dreamed for her until she could dream for herself. Someone placed ribbons in her hair, held her hand and held her close while she fell back asleep after a bad dream.
You might just find that being casual is way overrated and she might be on to something.