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Ask Yourself: Are You Getting In A Relationship For The Right Reasons?

Ask Yourself: Are You Getting In A Relationship For The Right Reasons?

BY Joshua Eferighe

Ask Yourself: Are You Getting In A Relationship For The Right Reasons?

When it comes to love, our actions are rarely reasonable. And when we see a woman that catches our gaze, all we know is that we have to have her. If we let it, our hormones and testosterone can blind us in ways that, if we’re not careful, lead us down paths that are tough to come back from.

We do our homework before making any major investment, whether it be a home, vehicle, appliances, or what have you. We compare prices, budget our resources, evaluate the practicality of it in our lives, then we make the best decision on the table.

If only we approached relationships this way.

Relationships are an investment. The emotional, financial and mental tax is just the beginning, then you have to factor in quality time, her well-being and her state of mind. Relationships aren’t like your favorite amusement park.

You cannot just walk into one, have a good time, then leave when you’re tired. And while they most definitely can be a thrilling ride, there is much more at stake when someone’s emotions are at stake.

So why do people get in relationships anyway? Because we can? Because she’s attractive? Because “you’ve been single for too long?”

It’s important that we, as men, make the proper self-assessments to ensure that we and our lives are ready to bring someone into it. For our and their best interest. Being in a relationship is a good thing.

There have been studies that show married couples live longer than those who are single, you can face hardships with a partner rather than alone and you can learn and grow from a lifelong partner.

That’s why we should be aware of ourselves and put a check on the bad reasons for entering a relationship. While this is not the end all be all, these are the beginnings of the ways in which you should start thinking before making it official with her.

Loneliness

I’m sure everyone can say they’ve experienced bouts of loneliness, but it’s the very last reason you for to enter into a relationship.

Just because you’re lonely doesn’t mean the significant other you so choose to be with will be. Without any social life, you run the risk of making her your entire life, which just might push her away.

You don’t want to be the wedge that comes between your girl and her friends just because you’re too depressed to make any. Nor should you be the pessimist who’s looking for a companion to wallow in self-pity.

When we stop treating relationships like hobbies and begin seeing them as potential life-altering unions, we’ll stop throwing ourselves and our problems on our spouses and our significant others.

Now, there’s a difference between feeling lonely and having a reclusive life. Those distinctions are distinguished by our lifestyle choices. But it’s up to us to identify if we’re ready to experience love, or just ready for a friend.


Lust

The most juvenile reason to seek out a relationship is to satisfy your fleshly desires. I hate to say it, but there are men out there who will lie, deceive and go to shameful lengths just to attain something so short-lived.

This is obviously problematic for a myriad of reasons. The first being the objectification of a woman’s body.

To go on dates, lie about reciprocated feelings and then actually make her officially your girlfriend to get this “prize” all in the name of the “game” is sickening.

Some men are intentional about their motives, but others are just victims of poor self-awareness.

We’ll mischaracterize a strong physical attraction or, in some cases, prioritize a strong physical attraction above over the others factors that go into ensuring you can promise a woman a healthy relationship.

We’ll see a woman catch our eye and completely forget that we’re taking full-time hours at school and working two part-times jobs.

Or we’ll enter the relationship strictly for the sex alone, and although we’ll be loyal, we’ll deprive her of all the other joys a relationship can bring. Which is simply unfair.


The Leech Effect

Agreeing to join a relationship where you find incentives greater than the individual themselves is never a good situation to be a part of. Although sometimes unintentional, relationships pick up from already established mutually beneficial situations.

While surely no one intends to be a user, they fail to do the right things when they recognize the nature of the relationship.

From societal status to discounted gym memberships, the ways in which you can find yourself using someone else are endless.

When we know our hearts aren’t there, regardless of what perks come with the relationship, it’s up to us to end it and to move on. Anything else is nothing short of manipulation.

Not only are relationships investment, but they are investments in actual human beings. The carelessness of awakening a woman’s affection when the intentions are not pure is not a quality of a real man or social man for that matter.

When we assess ourselves, we need to gauge our emotional maturity, intentions, and what we can logistically take on.

As men, it’s easy to go after the first thing we see. Our impatience can make us jump at what looks good instead of making sure that it is. Which is why it’s imperative to handle those types of decisions delicately.

Next time you feel as if you’re ready for a relationship, check that impulse and be positive that you are ready for the right reasons.

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Joshua Eferighe

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Highly opinionated, contentious and one to always speak his mind, Joshua Eferighe has been on the path of expression through writing before he even chose the profession. Love him or hate him, you'll always want to know what he has to say. Follow him on Twitter @jman23j

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