Arguably one of the biggest roadblocks that prevents us from going after the women we want is the self-imposed idea that we’re not attractive enough.
What’s unfortunate is that many men adopt this self-deprecating idea without fully even understanding the definition of attractiveness — or the quality of being pleasing or appealing to the senses.
Having “qualities that are appealing to the senses” and having a chiseled jawline is different, yet somehow we think that if our skin isn’t clear and if we’re not six feet tall we automatically disqualify every other attractive quality about us.
As men, there have been moments where we’ve counted ourselves out in cases where we had more than a chance. The qualities that may be a strong suit for one man may not be the same for the other. Wearing a mean tailored suit may bring one girl to her knees, but your random knowledge of pop culture trivia may be something she finds hilarious, as well.
There is an attractiveness in all of us, it’s just a matter of cultivating it. And cultivating it is not as hard as you’d think, it’s a manner hinged on three keys.
Firstly, it takes confidence; it’s just that simple. It really does not matter where your attractiveness stems from, but when you get a dose of it then bottle it up women will be drawn to you.
The second key to cultivating your attractiveness is having something going for yourself. If your whole life and “what you do” is centered around her, getting her, and making sure she is yours at all times, you will come across both desperate and as a man with no life.
Build a lifestyle that’s attractive to join. Lastly, develop your personality and game — and yes they’re one in the same. Work on being completely comfortable with who you are. When you do that, you’ll seamlessly be one with your personality, which translates into game, no matter who you’re talking to.
Become More Confident
To cultivate your attractiveness, you must understand your attractiveness. You can’t walk into a situation trying to be the funny guy when in reality you’re the king of the dance floor.
Understanding what makes you attractive may take some self-reflection, but once you have a decent handle on what makes you unique you will have confidence in any room with anyone.
Anyone can say ‘be more confident”. It’s a statement that rolls off the tongue far easier than it is to activate.
But when you understand that the essence of your attractiveness comes from you loving what you find attractive about yourself, people — not just women — will be drawn to who you are.
So take pride in your geekiness, gym dedication, or kitchen skills, each will be attractive to the right person.
Build A Lifestyle
The second key to cultivating the attractiveness within is building a lifestyle that someone wouldn’t mind being a part of.
A mistake men often make is wanting a partner so badly, or even a relationship in itself so badly, that they sacrifice friends, family, careers and their personal ambitions just to have them.
There’s a quote from the iconic Kevin Costner film Field of Dreams that goes ‘if you build it, they will come’. Very simple as far as quotes go but the theory is brilliant.
Dedication to a lifestyle, a dream — a hobby even — is attractive in itself because it shows consistency and an ability to commit. When you don’t have a life or make a woman your life, it shows a void that women may be dismissive of.
Make sure that when you’re into pursuit you don’t abandon your lifestyle. Let her know she’s the object of your attention and affection, but also let her know of your plans for your own business, or whatever you are striving for.
In our heads, that may be boring to her and we may think that she’ll find our very limited free time as a strike against us. But in reality, it could be the very calling card that plays in our favor.
Have a life that a woman would want to add to, then show that to her. You’ll be surprised at the type of reactions you’ll receive.
Develop Your Personality/Game
You are attractive. You, as in the individual that your very specific experiences molded you into, is attractive. Cultivating your own unique attractiveness takes buying into yourself firstly, then it takes giving this personality the liberty to let loose.
I don’t know why, but we become apprehensive and place restraints on our personalities whenever we’re around the women we admire when in actuality it should be the complete opposite.
Developing your personality is nothing more than a trust-fall. Just like falling backwards with no inhibitions awaiting your friend to catch you, exercising your personality to its full extent is falling back in trust that your most natural instincts and mannerisms will catch you.
Being you is the best game you can have. You will be shocked how attractive women will find you when you’re operating as your true self.
When you see pretty girls with “ugly” guys, it’s not because they spiked her drink nor is it because she has beer goggles. It’s because he’s pretty, too. It’s just that his pretty is not on his face.
The attractiveness that you’ve always wanted is inside of you, it’s just a matter of you seeing it yourself. Start rethinking the way you define attractiveness and you’ll recognize the countless ways you’re actually attractive yourself.