Contrary to popular belief, there is no golden algorithm to dating. Even in your own experiences, you’ll find that with each new relationship the “rules” change. Dating is a complicated game of chemistry.
There are factors like feelings, culture, and background that must find their way around each other, and with every new partner, that process starts all over again.
What worked for your best pal and his girl may not translate over to you and your girl, and what went wrong in your last relationship may be perfectly fine in your new one.
This is why it’s imperative to keep a firm grasp on our dating instincts if we are to ever want to feel comfortable dating. When we look for outside advice on how to express our natural feelings, disingenuous results occur.
The overthinking, irrational self-doubt and long nights mulling over to reply to a text or not can all be avoided when you tap into acting on your genuine impulses. There is no wrong way to express who you really are to who you like.
When we remember that dating is nothing more than two individuals mutually interested in seeing where a shared attraction may go, we won’t put so much pressure on the itsy bitsy problems, and we’ll feel freer to be completely ourselves.
Your gut knows best, and the moment we master instinct over emotion and the art of trusting your intuition, the problems we had before will vanish.
You Will Never Lose When You Are You
You only have control over what you do and what you feel. But when we’re “out there” in the dating field we often get caught up worrying about issues out of our control, causing us to focus and make decisions on issues we shouldn’t.
For example, why do we stress over what our romantic interests might think? Why don’t we just wait to respond to what they do?
I’ve seen guys hesitate, question, and change who they are, just to condition themselves to someone else’s worldview.
These questions and uncertainties that arise in our dating lives can be traced back to our abandonment of self.
What to do after getting her number, what to wear on the first date, or whether to tell your best friend you’re in love with her should not be predicated on anything other than what’s burning inside of you.
Why should you have to suppress how you feel or be judged because of it? Why should you have to hide who you are or be in fear that what you find interesting is offensive?
When you’re relying on your instincts you’re completely trusting in yourself and having peace with whatever outcome may be waiting for you.
Wear what you feel like wearing before leaving the house, who cares? Double text her all you want if you think you have something. Approach her and let her know she’s really pretty if that’s what you want to do — you’re natural inclination should be your guide.
The beauty about trusting your instincts is that it’s the best way to know if she really likes you.
If she’s not texting you back after you keep texting her (cause, remember, it’s what you really wanted to do) she’s probably not into you. If she appears uninterested in all the topics you bring up, maybe the compatibility is only a physical one.
If you “scare” her off and you’re not spooky, then let her go. We can’t forget that these chemistry experiments sometimes implode.
There is no bad result from doing what you naturally feel, so as long as it’s safe and constructive.
Instinct vs Emotion
The one caveat to fully trusting your instincts is separating them from your emotions, which is the last thing you want to base your decisions on.
As opposed to instincts, emotions are wrapped up in your insecurities, experiences, past relationships, and all other factors that may cause you to act irrationally.
When you’re acting off instincts, you’re going to text her that you miss her when you want to text her you miss her — even if you did just drop her off after date night. Who knows, she may find that cute.
Acting off emotions is not texting her after a week, all because you don’t want to come off desperate. And just like that, in the blink of an eye, you’ve taken a step back just because you’re insecure about losing someone you don’t have yet.
When your actions are based off instinct, you’re going to let her know when you have a concern, as opposed to acting off emotions which would leave you frozen in your boots, accepting her behavior just because you don’t want to rock the boat.
We have to trust our instincts with women. If we don’t have their number yet, believe in that little ticker inside telling you to give her a shot. If you have her number, trust in what got you her number in the first place, and if you get her out on a date, then darn it, believe in what got you there.
We second guess ourselves too often, but in the dating world, it’s how we organically feel at the time that carries us the farthest.
Trusting in your dating instincts will make you feel free, it will help you get over failed experiments, and it will help you keep confidence when things don’t go right.
Don’t ever feel sorry for caring too much, or for being a messy eater or for your loud laugh. Someone will love you for it, it’s just a matter of sticking to who you are and being patient until they come.