A lot of guys tell me that their biggest sticking point with women is “getting attraction.”
I think the word gets used as a placeholder far too often, so let’s see if we can shine a little light on on a specific element of attraction: arousal.
You will not go home with a car loaded full of beautiful women by being “interesting” or making them laugh. That stuff is important, but then again… everything is important. 😉
So let’s focus on arousal. Our research points to four different levels of arousal that a woman can feel around you:
Let’s get to know these.
Turning her on, when you’re out, means going from situational arousal—where she’s generally aroused by her environment—to directed arousal, where its your words, touch, and eye contact that are making her get all excited inside.
You don’t even need to be the initiator of each stage of arousal. But you need to be able to know where she is along the way, and guide her into higher and higher levels.
Let’s say she’s sitting at the bar with her friends. There’s sexy music playing and she’s had a couple margaritas. She sees some guy breaking her friend off on the dance floor, and the thought crosses her mind that she wouldn’t mind having sex later.
She is now situationally aroused. The process has begun and it’s because of nothing you did.
The louder and “sexier” the environment, the more likely she is to be situationally aroused. Dance clubs and alcohol, for example, generally arouse a woman more than baseball, diamonds and Gatorade.
And frankly, a big error that I see guys make is to miscalibrate their approach based on what they’re reading from a girl.
Sometimes they’ll go in HARD when she’s just kind of chill.
Other times they go in all polite and chill when she’s all amped up. Just one of those things you’ve got to start looking out for.
So she’s situationally aroused: you now approach her group. You’re playful and fun and slightly mysterious. Everyone is having a good time and you’re saying the right things, and touching her in the right way.
If you’re aware enough, you’ll notice her body language begins to shift in your direction. She makes more eye contact with you. She touches your arm and laughs at your jokes.
She is now moving through the mental and physical stages of arousal.
The Social Man is aware of this. He understands the need to amp a woman’s arousal. He knows that he’s close to directing her arousal in a way that’s highly enjoyable for her.
And so you arrive to the final stage: directed. At this stage she is fully aroused and ready to be led. Her heightened state of arousal is a direct response to your actions. She’s ready and she wants you.
She’s actually attracted to you… like a magnet.
Makes sense, right? Understanding the underlying social dynamics is the first step towards mastering them, and SO many guys I know just don’t “see” what’s going on with the arousal stuff.
If you want to dive even deeper into this stuff, learn the finer details, and learn how to actually move from phase to phase, then check out our Premium Training programs – this material comes directly from our Unbreakable course.
And of course, you know I love to hear your thoughts and questions, so leave ‘em if you’ve got ‘em.