The biggest reason guys fail at game is because they do too much. They focus too much on the outcome, or the next step in escalating the interaction.
It creates this type of checklist mentality, in which the guy almost has a list of things he feels like he has to do, with a specific time frame in which he has to do them.
In the beginning, this isn’t a bad way to learn, or at least, get a feel for how the process works, but ultimately it’s going to hurt more than it’s going to help.
The sooner a guy realizes that women want to feel like they’re slowly falling, rather than being taken into attraction, the sooner he’ll understand what really powerful, effective and successful game is.
The reality is that, as guys, we typically get rejected if we try to move things too quickly. Let’s say you really like a girl on both a physical and emotional level.
You may want to just come out and say it, but in the beginning, before she’s made up her own mind, you typically can’t without scaring her away.
Part of it is how women are built, and the other part is socialization, pop culture, and society in general.
Every movie ever made about love makes things seem so natural, maybe even painfully slow to draw things out.
We are a society that does get a lot of its social cues from art forms like movies, and dating is no exception.
Most of the time girls are operating on an emotional level, and they want to feel as though there’s some kind of cosmic alignment responsible for their attraction to you.
It’s normal, and if you’re patient, can actually make things more fun as your progress.
Too many guys come off as robotic, mechanical and regimented when trying to attract a woman, and even if she’s interested, she won’t be overwhelmed with the kind of feelings she really wants.
She wants to feel like both of you are reaching the same conclusion, not like you’ve already reached it and are begging for her to catch up and feel the same way.
If it’s going to be something serious, it should take time, and you should realize that sometimes doing less is the answer.
But what does doing less really mean? Does it mean purposely not answering texts or leaving huge gaps in between hangouts? No.
It means continuing to see her as often as you both want, but being okay with the process of just being together.
It’s never a good idea to have a discussion about your status or your label. Let her bring it up if she wants.
It seems like a small, inconsequential thing, but moving too fast isn’t worth the risk. Men are inherently less choosy than women, so it makes sense to play into this dynamic and let her actually choose you.
The idea of her feeling like she’s choosing you is huge and should be on your mind at all times.
People in general—not just women—are always going to be more interested in something that seems a little bit out of reach, and less interested in the things they know they can have.
Even if you feel like the girl you’re seeing could be a long-term girlfriend, telling her will almost always reduce her interest in you.
Maybe she won’t stop seeing you, but she’ll know she can have you and that will knock her interest down a few notches.
But if you keep quiet, and just keep having fun with her, eventually she’ll start to entertain the idea of being with you all on her own.
She’ll see how charming you are, and how most other guys she’s been with barely measure up, and will decide on her own that she wants you. At this point, you’ve created a fun, exciting dynamic for her.
Deep down she may know that you’re equally as interested, but by not being as vocal about it, and just presenting yourself as a catch, it’ll make her feel like she’s found someone great all on her own.
The most important thing to ensure is that the entire interaction from first meeting to full-on Facebook official dating feels organic, natural and not rushed.
It’s kind of a double-edged sword; the more you like a girl, the more you want to tell her, but you also have to be aware that telling her, might scare her away.
It’s not an easy thing for any guy to have to do, but if you can just keep your cool for a few months, she’ll come to you with the relationship conversation.
Then and only then, can you tell her you feel the same way. Before that, the risk of scaring her off is too great.
It would be great if you could just tell a girl how you felt without any possible repercussions, but unfortunately, it’s just not the world we live in.
The more you go out, and the more girls you spend time with, the more you start to see that letting things happen, is way better than trying to make them happen.
In the beginning, you’ll feel like you could be doing more, but the reality is that making her laugh for hours on a Friday night over drinks is enough.
You don’t have to text her every morning or stay in constant contact with her.
The time to shine is when you’re actually with her, and all that really involves is just making her feel good about being with you.
Guys that do too much either get rejected, friend-zoned, or end up in a relationship where the girl is constantly looking for other options.
A relationship that feels like it came about mutually, leaves you both on equal footing—essentially, it’s a good way to prove that you both actually want to be with each other.
So, if you’re seeing a girl that you’re really into, just hang back, let things happen at their own pace and she’ll be yours.