Selflessness: The Key To Finding Purpose & Satisfaction

Here’s a reader question I received recently.
It was a great question and the message behind this is so important that I decided to publish it..with his permission, of course.

Reader Question

Hey Christian,
First off, gotta say I really dig your guy’s approach to all this.
You understand many of us follow various dating “gurus” via their mailing lists, and you speak to that. Awesome. Further, you don’t talk like weirdo pick up artists.
You talk and come across like regular, down to earth, cool guys. That is exactly the type of person I prefer to be friends with and who I am willing to take advice from.
Ok, enough ego stroking. On to my question.
I understand fundamentally the notion that one must be totally in love and passionate with their own life in order to attract the high-quality women who, by nature, share the same quality.
I’ve had this quality in the past, in fact, most of my adult life, until recently. I have more free time (that I do fill with awesome activities that I enjoy) and a well-paying job.
But, I can’t seem to recapture that zest for being alive every day, that excitement for things to come and things I enjoy. I’ve lost it along the way. 
Truth is, I’ve always tended to view life through gray sunglasses when I’m without an awesome woman in my life. How does a guy like me get past this?
Thanks,
C

My Response

Hey C. Thanks for the very kind words…always appreciate hearing some honest thoughts.
It sounds like there are a lot of great things going on in your life. But without knowing too much about your job, it sounds like a lot of your life serves yourself.
When I was in my early twenties, I had a good job, nice girlfriend, and spent a lot of time racing my BMW 🙂 but I was definitely missing something.
And I know what you mean about the listlessness of life when you don’t have a cool girl.
The ONLY thing that has mitigated that for me has been making my life so awesome, and so much my own, that having a cool girl in it is more of a magnifier than it is a transformation.
I think that for guys in our situation, the next step is to find a cause outside of yourself that you can get excited about.
It could be educating kids about how to sail, or raising money for Haiti, or volunteering at a hospice (I’ve done that last one and trust me, it’s not easy).
I’m fortunate that my business gives me a mouthpiece to share some of my values with the world and hope that it affects them, but even if you’re not in the exact same situation, the goal is to find something that you can take *ownership* of.
And it doesn’t even have to be humanitarian in nature (although there is no greater joy than giving to others – I really believe that). There’s a difference between participating/contributing to something and owning/building it.
I suspect that finding a project or cause that you can really own in heart and in mind will give your life some added dimension, and rather than being a hobby that occupies your time, it will be a part of you that occupies others.