So, you finally asked that pretty girl you’ve been Facebook stalking for a month out on a date.
You’re thrilled. Beyond excited. You couldn’t be happier if someone dropped 100 tiny puppies in your lap.
But, then it hits you…this is actually going to be insanely stressful.
*Picks up brown bag and debates whether to breathe or vomit in it*
It’s pretty mind blowing that you know people who go on dates every single weekend. Like, are they insane? There’s so much stress involved.
First of all, choosing a bar/restaurant to take her to is like going to the zoo and choosing which animal you’d like to maul your face off.
You wish you could just ask her to pick, but you know that’s not right since you asked her out.
But, you successfully choose a spot that you know won’t be insanely crowded (because who the hell likes crowds?), and it’s finally game time.
You’re both waiting at the bar until the maître d’ takes you to your table. Obviously she’s gorgeous, but you don’t want to look too awkward around her. You want to show her you’re confident by inserting a few little interesting yet nonchalant humble brags about yourself, but the entire time you’re actually just worried that you’re coming off as douchey.
When the bartender comes around for the drink order, you freeze up. The thought of drinking too much, blacking out, and dancing kept you awake all night (because no one looks good drunk dancing…no one). So you silently vow to only have a couple drinks so you don’t look like this:
The server finally comes around and starts walking you to your table. You’re really hoping you’ll get a table by a wall because it’s most comfortable. Sitting at a table in a restaurant makes you feel like you’re on display, but you don’t really know how to ask for it without sounding like a total creep so you just silently follow and pray to god he takes you where you want to go.
All of the awkward small talk about the menu is over, you’ve ordered your dishes and now it’s time to have an actual conversation, which is incredibly unnerving because you know for a fact something ridiculous is going to come out of your mouth after one second of silence. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than sitting in silence with a total stranger – even a hot one.
But you talk anyway because the thought of boring her is too scary.
You’re thrilled when the food comes, but then immediately become paranoid about what you might look like eating.
So, you do your best to eat like a civilized gentleman and not like Tom Hanks in Cast Away when he finally caught a crab.
Things are going great, and you’ve both finished eating. You really want to ask her to come back to your place for a drink, but the fear of rejection is too real. You’re worried she might laugh and hit you with a line like:
But you muster up the courage to ask anyway and she says yes, which should excited you but it doesn’t. It just brings up a whole new set of fears.
You can’t really remember if you cleaned your apartment, and you panic on the way over to your place (even though you definitely cleaned…or at least shoved the mess out of sight).
You have a drink and no obvious blunder occur while she’s over. When all is said and done, though, and you get that good night kiss, you can’t even remember why you were ever worried at all. In fact, you’re a little cocky when she says “We should do this again.”