Have you ever had this happen before?…
You get a pretty girl’s number…
You spend a solid 15 minutes crafting the perfect first text.
You press send and that momentary surge of adrenaline rushes through your veins.
And you wait…. 10 minutes go by. No reply.
30 minutes go by… no reply.
An hour goes by… no reply.
Two hours… still nothing.
After 3 hours, you start to lose hope. You start thinking there was something wrong with the message you sent her.
Not flirty enough. Not funny enough. Not clever enough.
Then you start wondering…
Did she just give me her number to be nice?
Did she actually want to see me again?
Did she even give me the right number?
Why hasn’t she responded yet?!
And then your mind starts running wild. You start concocting all these reasons why she hasn’t responded, or why you’re not good enough for her.
And the longer this goes on, the more and more convinced you become that you did something wrong. That it’s somehow your fault she’s not responding, and you messed up another promising opportunity.
And just like that, without even realizing it, you’re convinced that there’s no hope she’ll ever respond. You lapse into a downward spiral of self-criticism, self-pity, and sadness.
And while you’re sitting there, stewing in your self-conjured grief, you hear your phone ding.
What?! Who is it?!
You snatch your phone up like it’s the last dose of antivenom in a room full of snake-bite victims.
Your grief vanishes in an instant, replaced by a feeling that’s part joy, part surprise, but mostly just utter relief.
You smile from ear to ear, kicking yourself for being so negative before and wondering what got into you.
Back when I was single, this used to happen to me ALL THE TIME… it was like a recurring nightmare I only sometimes woke up from.
And the funny part is, all this grief, and doom, and distress were created by thoughts that, for the most part, had no validity whatsoever.
This entire cycle was initiated by insecurities, then fabricated by fear.
And this doesn’t just apply to sending the first text.
It happens when you try to say something clever…
When you’re planning to make it official…
Or when it’s “Adult-time” in the bedroom.
The fact is when there’s uncertainty in our lives, our brains revolt. They hate uncertainty.
So they start firing on all cylinders, trying desperately to connect the dots and come up with reasons to validate our feelings in that moment.
And our wild imaginations will not rest until they’ve confirmed our worst suspicions.
This happens in relationships too… happen to see a text on your girlfriend or wife’s phone from a guy you don’t know and immediately start assuming the worst?
You start asking yourself questions that you have no business trying to answer with the limited amount of information you have, but you answer them anyway.
Who is that guy?
Why is he texting her?
Why hasn’t she told me about him before?
How long have they been texting each other for?
And on, and on, and on.
It’s not healthy for you or for the relationship. In fact, it’s destructive.
By letting your mental processes be consumed by fears, insecurities, and worries, which may or may not have any real significance, you’re giving validation to those things.
You’re making those things real simply by letting that cycle of thought continue to infect your mind.
My advice? Simple, just stop thinking those thoughts.
LOL. If only it was that easy…
What I try to do (sometimes successfully, and sometimes not) is something called perception-checking.
When you consciously catch yourself caught in one of these thought-cycles of doom, ask yourself…
How am I perceiving this situation right now?
What conclusions am I making? Are those conclusions based on facts or “hunches”?
What facts do I know for sure? What are other possible interpretations of those facts?
What’s causing me to perceive the situation in this way?
Are those things true or just my fears convincing me of something that has no grounding in reality?
These questions will help cut off the oxygen source, so to speak, by removing the fuel to the fire of fears blazing through your mind.
Catching yourself in these moments isn’t easy. But this habit of jumping to premature conclusions is something you should at least be aware of and try to prevent.
Because all too often we tell ourselves we’ve struck out before we even get to the plate.
So next time you experience uncertainty and start convincing yourself of the worst, try to remind yourself not to make preconceived conclusions.
And most importantly, don’t make decisions hiding from fear because those tend to be the ones you regret.
Accept the unknown, step up to the challenge, and embrace it all – that’s the only way to grow.
By the way…
There are a few simple laws of psychology about why women respond to some messages and not others.
And once you know how to use them to your advantage… getting good responses, building attraction, and asking women out over text is surprisingly easy
This step-by-step guide will show you how to craft the perfect message every time. It also has some done-for-you messages for you so you can just copy, paste, and send.