Hey, we’re quoted in this month’s Men’s Health magazine!
This is the first mainstream press that The Social Man has received, but I’m familiar with this sort of thing from previous businesses. The funny thing is that this sort of article does absolutely nothing for new traffic… the only press that brings real traffic is that where people get to know you personally – either as a profile piece, or in photos. Then they’re curious… want to see what your business is all about.. but this sort of thing, well, you’re just another so-called “expert.”
And the best part: by necessity of editorial conciseness, the writers usually have to pare down the advice to one or two sound bites. I really can’t imagine anyone reading that article and thinking “Damn, that Christian H really knows what he’s talking about! I better check his shit out ASAP.” 🙂
But Steve, the writer of the article, was a really cool guy. We had a long back and forth and are now trying to find a weekend to go snowboarding together. Some good feedback came out of the post, and if you want to read the full exchange (and advice I shared), I’m going to go ahead and share it here. His questions are bolded. And this is a follow up to a few other emails we shared…
1. My editor loved the idea of changing locations. Can you go into a little more detail about that? What specifically do you look for when choosing a “casual and fun” first location, followed by an “intimate” second location? The more details/examples you can provide, the better.
Let’s think about your date’s emotional and physiological state throughout the two to four hours that a good date will typically last. When she first sees you, she’ll probably be feeling some butterflies in her stomach. During your time with her, you want to take her from that initial nervousness, to fun and playful, to romantic and intimate.
You want to start your dates at your house, if at all possible. Bring her into your world and let her see that its clean, safe, and well-organized. This will make her much more comfortable to return there later if that comes to pass. Don’t spend more than five minutes there – just enough time for you to give her a quick tour, grab your coat, and head off. It’s great if you’re ‘working on’ something – real work, email, etc. – when she arrives.
From there, your next spot should be somewhere that the two of you can relax and feel comfortable. So, a semi-lively bar isn’t bad. Other good spots are those new, trendy bowling alleys, a classic ice cream shop, or a tea/coffee house. Social networking functions are also good, since you’ll be interacting with other people, but having the time to isolate with each other and gossip about other people in the room.
My favorite, though, is a shopping date. Walking around SoHo in NYC, or a mall/shopping area in other cities, is a great way to stay active and enjoying each others’ company – especially sunglasses shops. Anything where you’re interacting with her, walking around, and pulling her into your world. During the appx one hour you spend at this/these locations, you should be joking, laughing, playfully touching each other, and creating a little zone of good times and good feelings.
If the first spot went well, then the final spot should be a wine bar or other sort of chill lounge where you two can cozy up and slip into a more intimate conversation. Lower lights, more hushed tones, and tight couches are ideal. And you absolutely want to be sitting *next* to her, not across from her.
With all of that said, I’ve been on a few dates in the last month that have all followed a slightly different path. This is for the sort of girls who are NOT going to be nervous when they show up, and in fact, have a lot of offers for dates. So basically, most hot women in NYC over the age of 24.
Meet for a drink at 6:30 at a unique spot. Somewhere not too dark or lounge-y, where she can choose an interesting cocktail. You can explain the menu to her, and help her order something unique. You should be sitting near the window at a table where you’re not necessarily touching her, but are close. Start with one drink, and depending on how well the conversation is going, get up to three drinks with her.
Then, if the date is still going well, move to a nearby location for a light meal and wine. It should be a place that’s not too expensive, where the food isn’t super-heavy (think salmon and salad, not venison burgers), and with a clearly romantic vibe. She pays for dinner if I paid for drinks at the last venue.
Then go back to your house.
I find that this date works better for the following reasons:
1.) the types of girls I like to date (and I see we’re facebook friends, so you can check ’em out) like the non-committal drink earlier in the night. They have a million options, so they might double-book their evenings. But no other guys are competing for that 6:30 time slot.
2.) If they want to continue on to dinner, its a good sign.
3.) Starting the date with alcohol, frankly, makes things easier.
4.) I get a very clear sense, based on how much alcohol she consumes, how much she’s checking her phone, and what she’s telling me about the rest of the evening, how into the date she is. It’s important that a guy who follows this strategy is VERY aware of whether a girl is really into him, or just using him for drinks. It also has the potential to be more expensive. But it’s done very well for me!
2. When you’re on a date with a woman, are there any signs you can look for that clearly indicate she’s attracted to you? Even better, because I’m really trying to come up with something fresh: Are there any little “tests” you can perform to actively gauge her interest?
Sure. The standard ones would be anything passive she does to indicate that she wants to stay or likes you. Touching you, smiling a lot, heavy eye contact, and frequent leaning in towards you are all good signs. If she ignores her cell phone that’s a GREAT sign. If she talks a lot about personal stuff, that’s a good sign.
In terms of tests, I think I told you about our hoops/temperature check questions in that word doc I sent. Flirty and deep temperature checks should give you a good sense of where you are in the conversation. Also, when you get into certain topics that are important to you – like emotional topics – put your hand on hers for a brief moment. If she doesn’t recoil, its all systems go. Take your hand off, then re-initiate with longer hand holding. Repeat, this time slightly stroking her hand. Even if she’s not actively reciprocating, as long as she’s not recoiling or getting uncomfortable, things are looking good. Remember – women want to be romanced.