External Focus: The Major Player in Believability

Today I want to write about something that makes the difference when it comes to truly elite game.

As the AR talks about in his post, once you’re a high value man, the major hurdle you must jump is getting a girl to truly believe that you are into her. Aside from specific techniques which are outlined in brilliant detail in his article, I’ve found that a major component in developing believability and a strong connection is being incredibly externally focused.

Before I go on, I’d like to give a large amount of credit for this post to Khiem over at Kiss N’ Tale for a wonderful conversation we had on the topic recently.

First off, you already know that you have to get out of your own head.

If you look at any man who is at at the top of his given profession, whether it be sales or basketball, one thing that you’ll notice is that when it comes to executing, he is not thinking about what he should be doing and is just doing. Before that point, he spends a ridiculous amount of time on his own professional improvement. The best salesmen spend their time reading books and constantly educating themselves on sales, and the best athletes spend countless hours practicing and thinking through the finer points in their respective game. When interviewed after an incredible performance, however, you’ll always find that what was going through their head wasn’t specifically what they should be doing, rather they were just doing.

Successfully attracting women is the same thing. I’ve spent countless hours studying everything I could get my hands on. So now, once I’m in “the field,” I’m not thinking about specifics of push-pull or screening. Instead, I’m putting faith in everything I’ve studied and keeping my focus on the moment.

If you’re rock climbing and told not to look down you’re going to look down. Similarly, if you’re told to get out of your head you’re going to stay right in your head. That is why your new emphasis should be on just the opposite, that is, staying externally focused.

What exactly do I mean by being externally focused? In everyday life, this can be applied to the way to look at the world. Let’s say for example you have to go run some errands. As you’re walking around, being internally focused would mean concentrating on the errands you have to run and whatever else pops into your mind. Having external focus involves taking time to soak in that big beautiful world around you. Are there any birds flying through the sky, are there anything interesting people or happenings littering the streets?

When you see a beautiful women walking down the street, do you immediately start to think about what your opener should be how how your body language should look? Or are you focused on what she is wearing, the way she is carrying herself, the expression on her face, and any interesting things in the world around you that you may be able to talk about?

In a personal communication level, having external focus is essential to having a successful conversation with anyone. Pick up the book How to Win Friends and Influence People and you’ll read of the importance of truly being focused on the other person. When they are speaking, are you thinking of the next thing to say and where you want to take the conversation or are you lingering on every word and really trying to see the world from the other persons point of view?

When I am speaking to a woman, it is as if the rest of the world doesn’t exist and it is just her and I trapped in a bubble. One of the biggest problem I find myself facing is forgetting what we were just talking about a moment ago because I am so absorbed in the current conversation. This is a great problem to have.

If you’re simply thinking about what routine to use next or what line you want to say then she will be able to pick up on this and your interaction and attraction to her will feel unbelievable and not genuine. If you are a high value man then you will understand that you will find it hard to keep her attraction if this is the case.

So take the next several interactions you have to practice. Instead of thinking of what you say, be fully absorbed in the external world. Linger on her every word, try to see the world though her eyes as she speaks, notice the little differences in her facial expression and body language, make a deep eye contact connection, throw yourself completely into making it feel as though nothing exists in the world other than you and her.

If you do these things, she will really believe that you are as interested in her as you purport to be, and the result will be a dramatic difference in the amount of attraction and level of connection you have with this wonderful new woman in your life.