If you ask a girl what she finds most attractive in a guy, a lot of the time she’ll say ‘confidence.’
Some girls are attracted to things like money, tattoos or even lots of Instagram followers, but generally it seems like a guy who’s sure of himself, emotionally stable, and has a positive self-image is the one that has an easier time getting dates.
It could have something to do with confidence being a trait that helped us survive in the early days of human beings, or maybe self-assurance just makes sex better (it does).
Either way, most girls would agree that a guy who can take car of himself would make a good date, or even someone to just watch some Netflix with.
But what makes a girl attractive? On a base level, a guy can take one look at a girl’s body and know whether or not he’d like to sleep with her, but that’s only one part of the puzzle.
What type of personality traits does a girl need to have for a guy to not only want to hook up with her, but then cook her breakfast the next day?
There are some guys that look for obedience, or a girl that will just put up with endless piles of their bullshit.
They want a girl who lets them eat poorly, doesn’t care if they stay out too late, backs down during arguments, and worships him for no good reason. These guys are poor excuses for men, and women should stay far, far away from them.
The fact is the same qualities women find attractive in men, are the ones real men find attractive in women. Passion and confidence: these qualities are just naturally compelling.
There is nothing more sexy or valuable than a girl with drive, or one who has something in her life that gets her out of bed every morning. She’s tough, handles her shit, and doesn’t let you step out of line.
If you’re still living in the 50’s, and don’t think it’s attractive when a girl has a sense of independence, it’s time to grow up. The more you date, the more you start to realize that you’re looking for a complete person who speaks her mind.
Relationships become uncomfortable when one person puts their own interests and passions aside just to please the other person. It may not be obvious, but those kinds of emotions linger and create resentment as time goes on.
Think of it this way. Has there ever been a time where you didn’t feel like you were thriving, and had become complacent with your life? Did you feel like you could go out and pick up any girl you met? Probably not. So why would you want a girl in your life without ambitions, or one who makes excuses for herself?
She could be a ten, but if she has no plans for her future, or doesn’t have something that defines her, her looks are going to get really old, really fast.
The central truth to this is that when we’re looking for someone to spend our time with romantically, we are unconsciously looking for a person who is unique—not someone whose entire life revolves around what we want to do.
It may not seem like it at first, but a girl who tells you that she can’t hang out on Friday night because she has to wake up early to put in more flying hours towards her pilot’s license (or whatever her dreams are), is a rare bird.
Don’t be butthurt when she’s busy; it means there will be plenty of fun stuff to talk about next time you see her.
You may not get to chill as often as you’d like, but don’t mistake her scheduling problems for a lack of interest; she’s into you, but she’s got an exciting life too, and wants to eventually let you be a part of it.
Plus, a girl who has a lot going on gives you the opportunity to take things slow. You can get to know her over time, and figure out whether or not she’s right for you. It’s never ideal when you’ve figured out someone you’re dating within a month.
If you’re going to be with someone long-term, you want to keep discovering things about them, both good and bad. It keeps things exciting, and gives you that awesome, jittery feeling you had on your first date.
When that feeling goes away, and the girl you’re with becomes predictable, it may be time to rethink why you started seeing her in the first place.
Here’s an anecdote: I started seeing a girl last summer, and she had that porn-star look. She was blonde, had all different types of surprise piercings (including a tongue ring), a lower back tattoo, and seemed like she was trying to repopulate the earth in the bedroom. The first time we hung out, it was great.
The second time it was even better, but after that, it started to feel routine. We’d bang, smoke a joint and then just sit in her room watching old episodes of Shameless. There were times where I’d lay next to her and ask myself: Is this all we’re gonna do?
As much as it pained me, I had to stop seeing her. It taught me a valuable lesson about how good sex isn’t enough to outweigh a girl’s lack of passion for life. I realized that I didn’t exactly want a girl who did nothing but get high and watch TV—even if she was great at sex.
We’re still human beings and turning down sex with someone we find physically attractive is borderline impossible, but when it comes to wanting to spend time with a girl outside of the bedroom, there has to be more.
We also don’t always know when we’re messing up, and a strong woman who lets you know when its time to shut off your PS4 and get your ass off the couch is one who you should be happy to have.
In a way, it means she cares about your success as much as she cares about her own, and wants you both to crush life together.
So, next time you’re out gaming or swiping your thumbs into early arthritis on Tinder, don’t just settle for a girl who you think will be at your beck and call. Look for passion, confidence and a chick who’s just as driven as you are.
The only way to be successful in anything, whether it’s relationships or your professional life, is to listen to yourself above any outside voices.
You can’t go through the course of your life comparing yourself to others. You are the only one who has a plan for the way you want your present and future to develop.
I’ve created Unbreakable, one of my best selling courses, to help men reprogram their brains and download bulletproof confidence.