How to Move on From Your Breakup Faster With These Six Tips
Breaking up with someone is a difficult and painful experience. Whether you’re the one getting broken up with or you’re the one ending the relationship, neither side of the equation has it easy.
The old adage that time heals all is true, but what can you do when you’re hurting and still have a busy life? It’s not like you can take time off of work or take a break from life in order to heal yourself.
While there’s no magic advice that anyone can give you to instantly take away the grief from losing a relationship and a close connection with another person, there are various actions you can take that will help you move on in a healthy way.
Don’t fall into the ‘Let’s Still Be Friends’ Trap
I see this happen all too often. Two people decide to split romantically but choose to stay friends, basically ensuring that contact is constant and the relationship gets tangled and complicated. If you want to remain friends with an ex, that’s fine, but you should still take time apart following the breakup to heal. Although there’s no concrete time frame to keep apart, I personally take a month with no contact with an ex in order to sort out my feelings and ensure that no confusion lies between us about our relationship.
And for the record, deciding you don’t want to be friends with an ex doesn’t make you immature. Somewhere along the line people have decided that being friends with exes means that a person is emotionally stable and mature, but that’s really just a stupid idea. Your feelings are important and should be respected by the other person. Don’t allow your ex to bully you or manipulate you into keeping contact if that’s not what you want.
Lay off social media for a few days
Social media can be the death of a person going through a breakup. Checking up on your ex days (and even weeks) after a breakup is probably the worst thing you can do because no good can possibly come out of it. Seeing that they too are miserable will hurt you. If they seem happier, you’ll feel like you’re taking daggers to the heart. There’s no winning in this arena.
I remember (not so) accidentally checking up on an ex a month after we were broken up, only to find that he was already in a new seemingly happy relationship while I was still in zombie mode trying to get over the breakup. The worst part of it was that I had basically opened up Pandora’s Box because after that one little Facebook stalking session, they became regular. Suddenly, I was possessed by the need to know more about his newer – and what seemed to me, better – relationship. By the time I knew it, I was checking on his page 2 times a day. The breaking point came when I realized that his social media pages were the very first thing I’d check online after waking up – that was when I finally decided that I needed to get offline for a bit to heal. Now, I never check up on exes on social media because doing so is the emotional equivalent of ripping off a scab and opening up a brand new wound that hurts twice as badly as the first cut.
Be honest about your feelings
Guys, you need to know that it’s ok to show emotion and sadness about a breakup. I’m not sure why girls get a free pass to cry in bed and eat ice cream, but males deal with breakups by going out to bars and trying to get back in the saddle. It’s ok to say that you’re not ready to go out or meet other girls right away. Be honest with your friends and family, but most importantly, be honest with yourself. If you need time to recover, it’s more than ok to take that time.
Make new friends
When we lose ourselves in a new relationship, it becomes too easy to neglect our social relationships and lose friends. If you come out of a relationship only to find that you don’t have a group to lean on for support, focus your attention on making new friends. Creating new social relationships is a great way to help recover a broken heart.
Remember the good times, but don’t forget the bad
It’s ok to hold onto good memories of a former relationship, but after a breakup it’s easy to idealize your ex and turn them into a perfect, faultless person who you lost. That’s not true, though. The relationship ended for very real reasons, and it wasn’t perfect. It’s ok to keep and enjoy the happy memories, but don’t let it cloud your mind and conceal the reasons why it ended.
Keep your self-talk in check
Probably the most important thing to do after a breakup is keep check in with yourself regularly throughout the day to make sure you’re being kind to yourself. Don’t beat yourself up or blame yourself for the relationship. If you find your inner voice being negative, take a few minutes for a timeout to redirect your thoughts so that you’re talking to yourself in a caring way. When you are caring for a friend going through a breakup, you use kind, soft words to comfort them; use those same words to speak to yourself.
How do you typically deal with a break up, and what do you do to handle the emotional distress?
Do you usually stay friends with your exes or stay away?
What’s the best piece of advice you received while going through a breakup?
Share your answer with The Social Man community in a comment down below.